


Gravitation

by Amalgam000



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Adventure & Romance, F/M, Paris/Torres family, Post-Episode: s07e25 Endgame (Star Trek: Voyager), Post-Season/Series Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:48:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 56,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25294210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amalgam000/pseuds/Amalgam000
Summary: Three months after their return, the crew is back on Voyager for their first mission in the Alpha Quadrant. Janeway and Chakotay accompany an archaeology team for a strictly informative, completely peaceful, absolutely non-life-threatening excursion (I’m not fooling anyone, am I?). Meanwhile, the Parises, and especially B’Elanna, struggle to balance parenthood with their duties on Voyager. Post-series finale; Post-Endgame; Chakotay/Janeway Romance; Adventure; Torres/Paris family
Relationships: Chakotay & Kathryn Janeway, Tom Paris/B'Elanna Torres
Comments: 39
Kudos: 57





	1. The Human Condition

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I’m back with another post-Endgame fic! I didn’t mean for this one to be particularly long, but I started weaving the bits together and next thing I knew, it was over 100 pages long in a Word document…! I guess I just can't help it! The action comes a little later in this one, so bear with me! One more thing: although this is J/C-centric, I imagine that if there had been a season 8 to the show, there probably would have been an episode in which B’Elanna and Tom deal with some of the challenges of being parents, so this is how I imagine it might have gone. 
> 
> Okay, enough rambling! I hope you enjoy! Drop me a line if you do, comments and kudos are not only cherished forever, but they also feed my muse!
> 
> Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager and its characters are the property of CBS/Paramount, I make no money out of this, it is for entertainment only. No copyright infringement intended!

Voyager’s corridors seemed to buzz with a kind of renewed energy. Crewmen and women – both old and new – called to each other in greeting, smiling, or hurried along to perform one task or another in preparation for Voyager’s departure from Earth’s orbital docking station.

Kathryn couldn’t help but grin in a mix of excitement and pride as she made her way to her ready room for the first time in three months. It seemed that, like herself, most of her crew were happy to be back to Voyager after the leave Starfleet had granted them upon their miraculous return to the Alpha Quadrant. It was obvious in the smiling faces she met and in the joking camaraderie she witnessed all around her. She was stopped every few steps to answer a question or sign some kind of authorization, yet Kathryn couldn’t be annoyed, not when she felt so galvanized by the bustle of activity around her.

“Captain!”

“B’Elanna!” Kathryn greeted with a smile as the lieutenant caught up and fell in step with her. “How have you been?”

“Busy, but fine, thank you for asking, Captain.”

“And how’s Miral adjusting to the nursery?” It was one of several upgrades on Voyager that Kathryn had been granted. It had been clear from the moment Miral was born that, if Kathryn wanted to keep B’Elanna and Tom in her crew, she would have to make a special place in her ship (and her heart) for their daughter. An easy thing to do. And it turned out that there were many parents among her crew who appreciated the opportunity to bring their family aboard. Kathryn assumed that, after what happened to Voyager over seven years ago, many were loath to risk being separated from their families again.

“As good as can be expected, Captain. She’s… not an easy child.” Despite the endeared expression on B’Elanna’s face, Kathryn also detected some wariness, and even perhaps mild concern. B’Elanna recovered quickly, throwing her a derisive chuckle. “With a half-Klingon mother, I suppose it was to be expected, right?”

Kathryn’s expression softened. “I’m sure she’ll settle once we get a routine set up.”

B’Elanna’s smile looked a little forced. “Yes. I hope you’re right.”

“You have something for me?”

B’Elanna shook herself. “Yes. There have been some issues with the new gravity plates ever since they were installed yesterday,” B’Elanna told her, frowning. “But we’re working on it, and hopefully the problem will be fixed by the time we depart.”

Kathryn couldn’t help but send her a sidelong look as they resumed walking. “I’d say having gravity on the ship is a priority, B’Elanna.”

B’Elanna pursed her lips. “Of course I know that, Captain. As I said, we’re working on it.”

“Why don’t you get Seven to help?” Kathryn asked as a crewwoman handed her a PADD for her to look at. Kathryn scanned the contents as B’Elanna stopped at her side.

“I would, but I don’t think she’s on board yet.”

Kathryn frowned even as she signed the documents on the PADD and returned it to the crewwoman – she figured Seven would have been one of the first back on the ship after seeing how uncomfortable she had looked every time they had met at Starfleet Command. Kathryn resumed walking and B’Elanna followed. “Well, I’ll make sure to send her your way when she gets here. Another set of hands couldn’t hurt. Anything else?”

“The warp core is ready to get fired up. We’ve tested the improvements to the anti-matter chamber again and again. All of our sensor tests have come back positive. We’re in good shape on that end.”

Kathryn nodded. “Good work, Lieutenant. Keep me posted on your progress on the gravity plates!”

“Yes, Captain,” B’Elanna replied before turning on her heels to resume her way back to Engineering.

Moving on from the conversation with B’Elanna, Kathryn exchanged a smile with a couple of unfamiliar crewmen as she continued on her way to her ready room. She resisted the urge reach out to the side with her hand and let it trail against the bulkhead as she walked, just to feel that connection with Voyager. It was good to be back.

“Captain!” Her treacherous heart skipped a beat when Chakotay suddenly appeared at the intersection with another corridor and he fell in step with her. “I’ve been looking for you. Here’s the list of the crewmembers who haven’t reported to me yet,” he told her matter-of-factly as he handed her a PADD. “But there’s still plenty of time before we have to start taking attendance.”

Despite his familiar joking tone, his business-like greeting jarred with the way Kathryn’s heart had somersaulted in recognition at his sudden appearance. They hadn’t seen each other in almost three months, yet he greeted her as if there were nothing special about their reunion. As if he hadn’t missed her at all.

Kathryn should be relieved. Wasn’t that what she had always wanted? For him to move on?

Well, as the old adage went, you didn’t know what you had until it was gone. And Kathryn had fallen heart first right into that cliché.

She had worked hard, these last few weeks, to find some peace with the knowledge that Admiral Janeway had dropped on her before Voyager had returned home. She had spent weeks trying to get accustomed to the idea of Chakotay and Seven as a couple, to convince herself that it didn’t bother her, that it was probably better this way. But no matter how often she had tried to put him – and the regrets she barely dared acknowledge to herself – out of her mind, he had constantly intruded upon her thoughts during her leave. Kathryn lost track of the number of times she’d thought to herself “I wish I could tell Chakotay about this,” or “Chakotay’s going to get a kick out of that when I tell him.” In short, she had missed him terribly, much more than she could have ever thought possible. And these past few hours, she had been so torn between trepidation and anticipation at the thought of seeing him again, that it made her strangely flustered now. If she had believed for even one second that she had succeeded in getting over it all, it was obvious now that she had only been fooling herself.

But, despite her inner turmoil, it really _was_ good to see him. It felt like it had felt to step back aboard Voyager: like coming home. At that moment she decided that she wasn’t about to let her feelings cloud her happiness at being back – or at seeing Chakotay. Armed with this newfound resolution, she reverted back to her earlier good mood. She took the PADD he was offering, smiling up at him briefly.

“All of the new crewmembers are here already and are looking forward to reporting to you,” Chakotay went on, oblivious to the way her thoughts (and emotions) had raced.

She stopped walking to look at the list. “Good. I look forward to getting to know them. Is Seven among those still playing hooky, by any chance?” She asked, her eyes resolutely on the PADD.

“Yes, I believe so.”

It surprised her that he didn’t know. “Well, if you do see her, better send her to Engineering if we don’t want to undergo our first mission in the Alpha Quadrant floating around the ship like soap bubbles.”

Chakotay’s lips quirked up in an all-too-familiar smile when Kathryn looked back up at him. “Let me guess, the new gravity plates? B’Elanna mentioned that they’ve been a pain in her-”

At that moment, Seven rounded the corner briskly and, noticing them, joined them with a curt acknowledging nod to both Kathryn and Chakotay. “I’m reporting for duty, Captain. And here are the newest scans from Astrometrics. I apologize for the delay, I wanted to stop by the Academy to wish Icheb good luck with his studies before coming aboard.”

Kathryn nodded as she handed back Chakotay’s PADD to him and took the one Seven was offering instead. She started scanning through the contents, distractedly listening as Chakotay asked Seven whether Icheb had appeared nervous about his first real semester at the Academy. Kathryn resolutely resisted the impulse to watch their interaction from under her eyelashes. Their interaction so far was rather more formal than Kathryn had expected, but perhaps they were being discreet. For which she was grateful. She didn’t think she could bear witnessing displays of affection between them. At least not yet. Probably not ever.

“No,” Seven replied. “Why should he be? His knowledge and intellect are far superior than his classmates, I’m sure.”

Kathryn smirked at that and risked glancing up at Chakotay, hoping to exchange a look as they had always been prone to do. She was surprised to find his attention was already on her when she looked up, as if he’d been studying her. He looked away after a second and bit back a smile. “There are some things about being a teenager in a classroom with other teenagers that his intellect and his knowledge of astrophysics could never prepare him for, Seven,” Chakotay told her teasingly.

“Perhaps so, but I have every confidence that he will learn as quickly about those subjects than he did about astrophysics.”

“No doubt,” Chakotay replied, eyes twinkling. Satisfied with the data, Kathryn gave Seven back her PADD.

“So Captain,” Chakotay said, turning his attention back to Kathryn when they started walking again, now with Seven in tow. “There are some interesting rumors running around the ship about where we’re going,”

“Is that so?” Kathryn drawled, not quite able to bite back a smile, glad to see how easy it was to fall back into their old camaraderie. She found herself relaxing.

“Apparently Ensign Hickman has it on good authority that we’re going to make sure the Borg are no longer a threat. But Crewman Pierce is adamant that we’re escorting a high-profile diplomat to Larikian space. Both surprisingly probable hypotheses, wouldn’t you say? The rumor mill isn’t usually so unimaginative.”

Kathryn grinned at his jesting tone as she glanced at him. “I was going to keep it for the briefing, but I suppose I can tell you two now. We’re headed to the Gianfar system, where we are tasked with giving a hand to the colonists from Gianfar 6 to evacuate – they’re expecting a rather severe meteor shower over the next several days.”

Seven frowned. “This rather seems like a waste of Voyager’s resources,” she stated. “I confess I was expecting something more… significant. Or challenging.”

“Be careful what you wish for,” Chakotay replied jokingly, though his tone wasn’t entirely devoid of reprimand.

Kathryn smirked. “I second that. But now that we’re back in the Alpha Quadrant, we go where we’re told. Besides, I wasn’t done. The mission has two objectives: on the way we are to pick up a team of scientists bound to study to Ancient Tunnel City of Ardok, on Gianfar 4. If the light show on Gianfar 6 isn’t enough to impress you, Seven, you are more than welcome to join the archaeology expedition.”

“I see,” was Seven’s less than enthusiastic response.

“The Ancient Tunnel City of Ardok,” Chakotay repeated wistfully, as if searching his memory for additional information. “I heard about this site. Isn’t that planet currently inhabited?” He asked. “What do we know about the local population?”

Kathryn opened her mouth to tell him they would cover all that at the briefing with the senior officers, but Seven beat her to it. “Species 923,” she replied. “They are an hominoid species who call themselves Maradib, meaning “People of the Above.””

Though she shouldn’t be surprised, Kathryn couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at Seven, wondering if her knowledge came entirely from the Borg of if she had spent nights memorizing these things.

“They have always eschewed assimilation,” Seven continued at her expression, explaining, “though the Borg much desired their physical resilience. They are telepathic and are believed to be remarkably well adapted to several types of environments, including aquatic. Their species tends to be secretive and their society follows a strict hierarchy of social statuses, based on the position into which one is born. I confess, I am curious to know how they’ve been able to avoid the Borg for so long.”

“I wonder how warmly they feel towards an archaeological expedition on their planet, if they’re so secretive,” Chakotay commented.

“Two excellent points, but it’ll have to wait for now,” Kathryn replied, stopping when they reached the turbolift. “Though one thing I know is that the expedition is headed by Federation civilians, and it has been sanctioned by Starfleet. So we’ll have to assume that they have some kind of understanding with the Maradib. Now, Seven, I believe B’Elanna could use your help with the new gravity plates. She’ll be expecting you in Engineering.”

“I’ll head there right away, Captain.” Seven nodded to them both, then spun on her heels.

“An archaeology mission!” Chakotay commented smilingly, leaning to speak closer to her ear as he and Kathryn went into the turbolift. “You’re spoiling me, Captain! I’ve never seen this particular site, but I’ve heard it described as something out of a fairy tale!”

Kathryn smiled at his enthusiasm as she gave the command for Deck 5. She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t considered how much he would enjoy that one when she had first been given the assignment. “Yes, so have I. Which is precisely why I’ve asked for the authorization, for anyone of us who are interested, to join the archaeologists for a day or two while the rest of the crew goes on to Gianfar 6. Myself included – since I found out we were heading there, I’ve been reading about this site and I’m curious to see it. Apparently the head scientist has agreed to give us a tour of the site, and we are even invited to take part in the excavations, if we want.”

Chakotay’s lips turned up again. “Captain, I don’t care what Seven says, this sounds like a perfectly reasonable first assignment for Voyager’s first mission in the Alpha Quadrant,” he told her, his eyes twinkling mischievously.

Kathryn grinned. “I thought you might. Like a kid in a candy store!” She teased.

He chuckled, his dimpled smile brightening his expression. “Guilty as charged.” The turbolift stopped and Kathryn stepped out. Chakotay remained inside. “I’ll see you on the bridge for departure?”

“In one hour, as scheduled,” Kathryn confirmed. “Will you join me for dinner tonight, Commander?” She asked, placing her hand on the door, ensuring that it wouldn’t close in the middle of the conversation, “it’d be nice to catch up.”

He seemed to hesitate – and that millisecond that it lasted was enough to briefly constrict Kathryn’s heart. But then he smiled again and she sighed in relief. “Yes, of course, I look forward to it.”

“Good. Chakotay,” Kathryn called to him again just as she was about to go, “I’m glad you’re here with me to share Voyager’s next adventure.” Though she had wanted her tone to be light and joking, it came out much more serious than she had intended.

He paused, scanning her face seriously. “Where else could I possibly want to be?” He told her after a moment, and Kathryn thought she heard a bit of sarcasm in his voice, but then he smiled again. “See you on the bridge, Captain.”

oooOooo

Several hours after departure from Earth’s orbital docking station, with Voyager now well on its way to the rendezvous point with the archaeologists at Cavela Prime, B’Elanna rushed to the new childcare center on Deck 4.

Her shift had ended a bit late – the senior staff briefing had ended up running over time (the captain had greeted them with an inspiring, albeit a bit long-winded, welcoming speech), and then B’Elanna had had to spend way more time on the stupid new gravity plates than the task would normally warrant. She didn’t understand why the calibration kept getting error signals, and she didn’t have time for this! She still had dozens of diagnostics to run, new crewmembers to break, and a three-month old daughter who refused to sleep. Tom had been a godsend through it all, but he was exhausted too, and B’Elanna couldn’t help the guilt that burrowed its way into her heart every time she dropped Miral off with the daycare staff. And because B’Elanna had been working on the updates for a week before the rest of the crew had boarded for departure, Miral had been going to daycare for several days now.

When B’Elanna got to the center, one of the staffers was holding a crying Miral in her arms, trying to calm her by stroking her blondish hair and rocking from side to side.

B’Elanna rushed in with an apologetic look. “I’m so sorry I’m late – again!” She apologized as she took Miral and gave her a quick, instinctual glance over. “How did it go today?” B’Elanna asked loud enough to be heard over her daughter’s cries. She started bouncing Miral against her shoulder while she grabbed her bag with the other.

“The same,” the woman said (though she couldn’t remember her name at the moment, B’Elanna had a feeling she would get to know these people rather too well over the next few months).

B’Elanna frowned in concern. “The same” meant that Miral pretty much spent the day crying or fussing. “Thank you,” B’Elanna replied awkwardly before turning on her heels. She didn’t miss the pitying look the woman gave her as she left though, and B’Elanna had to take in a deep, long, calming breath.

She realized that this was the first time in almost eight years that she felt overwhelmed by everything that was happening in her life. The three-month leave had been good, but with a newborn it had by no means been a vacation. And both B’Elanna and Tom had been busy putting their life together on Earth – moving to a new place, getting reacquainted with their respective fathers, attending briefings, galas and ceremonies, and working with Starfleet personnel to install upgrades on Voyager. B’Elanna had also spent a good amount of time briefing Starfleet engineers on the new technology they had brought from the Delta Quadrant. And though B’Elanna really did enjoy this part of her job, the timing of it all rather sucked. And of course, she felt like she and Tom had hardly spent time alone together, and she missed him. She missed _them_.

Miral continued crying her lungs out as B’Elanna made her way to their quarters, earning either indulgent or annoyed looks from crewmembers as they passed them. B’Elanna tried to quell her urge to glare back (or worse, confront them) – who were they to judge, one way or another? They didn’t know what was going on, what if something was wrong with Miral? The thought sprang so suddenly, B’Elanna wondered with a terrible, terrible guilt why she hadn’t considered that before. She stopped in her tracks and changed direction.

The Doctor was humming to himself happily while he calibrated his medical tricorders and he smiled when he saw (heard) them come into sickbay. B’Elanna had heard that Starfleet had initially insisted that Voyager get a “real” Chief Medical Officer now that they were back, but Janeway had apparently flatly refused, telling them that Voyager already had a real CMO. The captain might have her faults, but B’Elanna was grateful for her unfaltering faith in, and loyalty to, her crew. Herself included. 

“Lieutenant!” The Doctor exclaimed. “Welcome back! And how is my goddaughter faring?”

The innocuous question was the proverbial straw and B’Elanna felt the annoying sting of tears burn her eyes. She resolutely blinked it away. “I don’t know, Doctor. She won’t sleep and she won’t stop crying. What if there’s something wrong with her?”

The Doctor’s expression softened and took Miral from B’Elanna’s arms. “Let’s take a look.”

B’Elanna waited impatiently as the Doctor examined Miral, still humming quietly, and eventually the sound succeeded in making her stop crying, and, miraculously, fall asleep on the table. Was that what it took, then? Humming in a baritone voice? Or maybe Miral was just too exhausted to rebel now.

“Well, you daughter is in perfect health,” the Doctor whispered after a few minutes.

“Then why is she so… difficult?” B’Elanna asked, her voice cracking, distractedly tugging Miral’s little sock up more securely around her ankle. She hated feeling so… frayed. “I love her, more than I ever believed possible, but… it’s really hard for me to _like_ her at the moment. Sorry,” she added, frowning, “I’m sure that’s not a very motherly thing to say.”

“You’re still getting to know each other,” the Doctor replied gently. “Give yourself time. And there could be a number of reasons: early teething, or some other discomforts. But the truth is, some babies just cry more than others. I’ve heard Klingon babies are particularly demanding and fussy. Apparently the legend goes it’s because they’re born singing battle songs.”

B’Elanna snorted. “Not even one year old yet and already a warmonger – my Klingon ancestors must be so proud,” B’Elanna joked with a teary chuckle.

The Doctor smiled. “Forgive me for saying so, but you look like you could use some respite, Lieutenant. I’d be happy to watch her for a few hours, if you and Tom need to rest or spend some time together. As you can see, not much is happening here at the moment,” he added with a sweeping glance around the empty sickbay.

B’Elanna smiled but shook her head. “I feel bad enough dropping her off with strangers when I’m off to work, I think I need to be with her now.”

The Doctor nodded in understanding.

“Well, I should head back, Tom will be wondering where we wandered to.” B’Elanna lifted Miral up gently, careful not to wake her, but she shouldn’t have worried. Her daughter was fast asleep, her head lolling against B’Elanna’s shoulder. “Thank you, Doctor,” B’Elanna told him. “Really. Thank you.”

“Anytime, Lieutenant.”

oooOooo

He seemed… different.

Kathryn hadn’t noticed earlier – but then again she hadn’t really allowed herself to _really_ look at him until now. She couldn’t put her fingers on what exactly, but there was something _different_ about Chakotay. Was his skin a tad darker, bringing out the glint in his dark eyes? Was it the new uniform that seemed better fitted to his body? Was he just well rested from having some downtime for a change?

Whatever it was, it worked for him.

She wasn’t blind – she’d always known he was a handsome man, but… Kathryn couldn’t quite stop stealing glances at him from across the table, as if she would solve the mystery if she could just look, one more time. And one more. He seemed mostly oblivious as he ate and gave her a report of the day’s activities.

“Captain, where did you go?”

Kathryn blinked, lifting her head from where it had been resting in the palm of her hand. _Focus._ “Sorry?”

He smiled indulgently. “You looked miles away just then. Am I boring you?”

He was teasing her, but Kathryn couldn’t help a pang of guilt from the knowledge of where, exactly, her thoughts had taken her.

“No! No, of course not. I was just wondering what it would take for you to finally tell me what you did during your leave! You’ve been very secretive.” She threw him a teasing smile as she stood and gathered their empty plates to bring them to the counter. She had run into pretty much every member of her crew at Starfleet HQ or in San Francisco, but _he_ had been nowhere to be found. She had considered contacting him on several occasions, but something had stopped her every time. Something, a feeling, that she still had no desire whatsoever to delve into.

His expression turned more serious at her question, and he gave a small shrug as he leaned back into his chair, following her movements across the room with his eyes. “There’s not much to tell, really.”

“You must have gone _somewhere,_ I know you’re a talented man, but I’m pretty sure vanishing into thin air is not part of your skillset!”

“Didn’t you hear? I’m starting a new career as a magician.”

Kathryn laughed as she returned to the table with more wine. “Finally! Something for you to do on talent night!”

He snorted, chuckling softly. After a moment his smile faded again, his expression returning to the distant, subdued, look he’d been wearing before. He watched her pour more wine into their glasses. “I just went home for a while,” he told her softly when she returned to her seat.

“Home?”

“My home planet.”

“I see!” Kathryn exclaimed with some surprise. He hadn’t said anything about this the last time they’d spoken, the day of the welcoming ceremony. The day he and the other Maquis had received a pardon from the Federation, upon Kathryn’s strong recommendations (i.e. threats). “How was it?” She asked curiously.

“Strange,” he replied on a small sigh, brows drawn together.

Kathryn nodded in acknowledgement, but she could tell that there was much he wasn’t telling her. Or wasn’t comfortable telling her. She studied him curiously, noticing how his fingers fidgeted around the glass stem.

“But in retrospect I’d say it was a good trip,” he added after a beat.

“Did you go alone?” Kathryn asked before taking a sip of wine, trying to make the question sound innocuous. She had run into Seven at Starfleet Command a number of times, so she _knew_ she couldn’t have gone, but...

He nodded. “Yes. Even if Seven and I hadn’t ended things shortly before I left… I didn’t know what to expect and, well, I needed to do this on my own.” He dropped this on her matter-of-factly, as if she was supposed to already know that they had ‘ended things.’ As if she was supposed to have known that they had been dating in the first place – something they had never directly talked about, as if per tacit agreement. But that did explain their rather formal interactions today. Mind (and heart) still racing with the implications and ignoring a wave of something akin to relief and hope, Kathryn quelled her rather morbid curiosity to ask what had happened.

He went on, oblivious. “I ended up spending a lot of time just… walking, thinking. Rediscovering the place that I spent most of my youth desperate to leave.”

“I understand,” she replied softly once she recovered from the news. “Some people greet a homecoming like something to share with the rest of the world, something to be shouted from the rooftops; others would rather live through it privately, in the safety of their hearts.”

Chakotay’s expression softened into a smile at her words and Kathryn felt her heart flutter at the almost tender expression on his face. “I take it yours was something worth being shouted from the rooftops?” He teased.

“I don’t have easy roof access at my house,” Kathryn deadpanned behind the rim of her glass.

His smile turned into a quiet chuckle. “Ah but I notice you didn’t answer the question,” he replied, still smiling. “So tell me Kathryn, was your homecoming everything you dreamed of?”

“Oh, I suppose!”

“What does that mean?”

“Of course it was wonderful to see my family, and reunite with my friends and my peers, but…” She sighed again, and throwing him an arch look, she rested her chin in the palm of her hand again. “To be honest, it was just about as exciting as watching paint dry.” He let out a surprised chuckle, and Kathryn found herself smiling in kind, enjoying the sound of it. And the way it lit up his eyes. “That makes me sound awfully ungrateful, I suppose, after I spent the last seven tears chewing your ears off with my desire to come home,” she drawled.

He shook his head, still smiling. “It makes you human. It _is_ the human condition after all. To want what you can’t have.” His gaze darted away from her face, instead focusing on the twirling contents in his glass as his fingers moved his glass around.

His words seem to hang between them in the ensuing silence. Kathryn stared at him for a moment, trying to figure out if she was misreading the innuendo that seemed to lurk beneath the surface of his words.

She recovered herself first. “Well, _that_ makes us _all_ sound like we humans are ungrateful brats. And that, my friend, will not do.”

He chuckled quietly again at her tone. “I suppose you’re right. But I don’t think wanting more is necessarily a bad thing. It can make you want to improve yourself. To do more. To _be_ more. _You_ know better than anyone that having a healthy dose of ambition can be a force for good.”

“Oh yes,” she drawled with a raised eyebrow, “but you’ve seen firsthand where my ambition has taken me sometimes, and it’s not always pretty.”

His eyes narrowed mischievously. “I did say a _healthy_ dose.”

She snorted before letting out an exaggerated sigh. “Well, there can be only one solution to the human predicament: we should all strive to be more Vulcan!”

He laughed. “Don’t call in the Kolinahr masters yet, Captain. No offense to the Vulcans, but I think I’d rather take my chances with the human condition. All the pains and struggles and heartaches that we humans have to endure are what make joy and love and happiness all the more worthwhile. I’d hate to be stripped of the chance to feel those emotions just because the price to pay is the occasional pain and doubt.”

“I agree,” Kathryn replied in the same tone before she leaned back in her chair to cross her legs, resting her elbow on the back of her chair and leaning her temple against her knuckles. She remembered now why she had missed his conversation so much over the last few weeks; no one could drop in a beautiful philosophical musings in the middle of banter as well as he did. She studied him for a moment. “Do you ever stop to think about what it is that stops you from getting what you want?” She asked, unsure why she was asking. Or what she wanted his answer to be. She sipped her wine as she watched him.

He considered it briefly before he gave a small shrug. “Same as everybody, I guess. My conscience. A sense of responsibility to others. Fear.”

Kathryn nodded as she considered his words. “Fear of what?”

“I don’t know,” he replied on a soft sigh, his expression pensive. “Fear of consequences, I suppose. Fear of making a fool of myself,” he added on a small chuckle, hiding it behind his the rim of his glass as he raised it to his lips.

“Oh no, I know you well enough to know that there’s very little chance of that,” Kathryn replied, her voice suddenly carrying more weight. Before she knew what she was doing, she reached out to take his free hand where it still rested on the table. The sudden, heady contact with his skin ignited something in her with a powerful spark, something she had buried deep within herself for a long time now. Kathryn pulled back her hand in surprise at the unexpected sensation, as if burnt.

He stiffened almost imperceptibly at her actions, his glass mid-way back to the table, his eyes shooting to her face, penetrating. She couldn’t miss the quick, puzzled frown that furrowed his brow as he searched her face and he slowly put his glass down. She wasn’t sure what surprised him most: the fact that she had touched his hand (it wasn’t something she just did anymore, it hadn’t been in years), or how quickly she had snatched her hand back. She wondered if he’d felt it too. That… jolt. She didn’t know whether she wanted him to have felt it or not. 

He opened his mouth to speak, but he was stopped short when a loud groaning metal sound coming from the bulkheads drew both their attention. Suddenly Kathryn became aware that she was … levitating, floating up from her chair, weightless.

“What the hell…?” Chakotay mumbled in surprise as the wine escaped both their glasses and the bottle rose from the table and started spinning, slowly spewing red wine in mid-air. The furniture around Kathryn’s quarters started to rise from the floor too.

“It’s those damn gravity plates!” Kathryn closed her eyes at the realization that Voyager had reverted to a zero-gravity environment. She hit her combadge. “Janeway to Engineering.” Chakotay caught her hand to keep her from spinning forward and he let out a quick bark of laughter at her exasperated expression – and the absurdity of the situation.

“Good thing you didn’t light up candles!” Chakotay told her.

His mirth was infectious and Kathryn found herself unable to bite back an exasperated scoff, though a part of her desperately wanted to stay annoyed.

It was B’Elanna who answered. “I know, I know! I’m on it!” She sounded overwhelmed, and the effect was amplified by the sound of Miral crying in the background. Kathryn hated to put additional pressure onto B’Elanna’s shoulders when she was already dealing with so much at home, but they needed her.

Just as suddenly as it had started, gravity returned and both Kathryn and Chakotay fell back to their chairs rather ungracefully. Wine splashed all over the table and the floor, while plates clattered back on the counter and the furniture fell back with thuds. Kathryn shook her head again and exchanged a look with Chakotay. It’s only then that she realized he was still holding on to her hand. As if he’d come to the same realization, he let her go, not quite meeting her eyes and straightening up his uniform.

“I better get down there,” she told him apologetically. 

He nodded. “I’ll take care of damage assessment out there – and in here,” he told her as he looked at the mess around the room.

Kathryn gave him a grateful look. As she left her quarters, with Chakotay’s voice issuing orders through his combadge drifting to her ears, she couldn’t refrain from letting out a relieved sigh at escaping his presence and the new – or, rather, long buried – emotions being in his presence tonight brought to the surface. It didn’t matter that he and Seven were no longer seeing each other. It didn’t – couldn’t – matter that this felt like the second chance that Kathryn had never dared imagine would come. Nothing had changed.

Kathryn shook her head at herself as she walked, as if it would help shake off the thought from her mind, like a wet dog shaking off excess water. Though she was annoyed that the gravity plates were acting up, a part of her was relieved to have an excuse to bury herself in her work.

And forget about her heart for a while.

oooOooo


	2. Curveball

Chakotay hurriedly finished his coffee before straightening his uniform and hurrying out of his quarters. They had just gotten word that Voyager had reached the rendezvous point with the archaeology team, so Chakotay hurried to the transporter room to meet with them.

He rubbed his face with both hands as he walked, trying to wipe his sleepiness away. He had barely slept last night. The gravity plates had malfunctioned a couple of times during the night, making him curse and laugh in turns, feeling for B’Elanna, Kathryn and Seven, as well as all those who had been stuck in Engineering trying to fix the problem.

But that wasn’t what had kept Chakotay awake.

He’d told himself that he was just hyped from the adrenaline of his first day back. He’d also considered that perhaps he was just excited to see the Ancient Tunnel City of Ardok and actually experience (and perhaps participate in) an actual archaeological expedition – which he really was. He had even considered that maybe the long list of things he had to do the following day was what kept him awake.

But deep down he’d known that those were just excuses. The real reason had in all likelihood spent the night in Engineering, back at two of her favorite pastimes: problem solving and indulging in too much caffeine. And once he’d started thinking about Kathryn, his thoughts had unraveled into a never-ending spiral.

She seemed genuinely happy to be back, and there was definitely something lighter about her. It was subtle, but Chakotay had come to know her fairly well over the years. It was in the way she held herself, in the newfound spring of her step, and in her cheerful excitement. It was in the mischievous glint in her eyes and the challenging curve of her smile. All of those things had always been a part of her personality, but yesterday – at the briefing, on the bridge, and even at dinner – they had seemed…more. More spring. More excitement. More smiles. 

This, he realized, was what Kathryn Janeway was like without the guilt that had plagued her for almost eight years, after making the decision to save the Ocampa and in so doing stranding Voyager. Now that they were back and the impossible task of bringing her crew home was accomplished, the guilt and the pressure had vanished, leaving her more lighthearted than he had seen her in years. Because he had seen it, slowly, over time, how her guilt and sometimes unreasonable determination to return her crew home had weighed on her, how it had made her grow reckless and cynical. But now… It was as if Kathryn rediscovered the woman she had been when they’d first met; the childishly enthusiastic yet wise woman who had captured his heart way too easily with her intelligence, sense of humor and warmth.

And this, Chakotay thought, could be a problem.

He had spent the better part of the past several years trying to come to grips with his unrequited feelings, and just when he thought he had – just when he’d finally made his peace with the fact that things would never change between them – she came back with a vengeance. He had boarded Voyager determined to be nothing but professional and to keep a safe distance, but he hadn’t been in her presence for more than five minutes before she’d started melting away his resolve, just by being herself. And then the way she’d been looking at him at dinner… Almost like she was seeing him for the first time.

And _then…_

Chakotay still didn’t know what to make of her reaction when she had touched his hand. Chakotay wouldn’t have made anything out of it were it not for the panicked expression on her face as she’d snatched her hand back. Truth be told, it confused the hell out of him. He hadn’t seen her react to him in that way in years, if ever. Could it be that she was actually – consciously or unconsciously – lowering the walls she’d built between them at last?

But why now? What had changed? He knew she had always been afraid of – or, perhaps more accurately, felt threatened by – the potential between them, fearing that it might come in the way of her ability to command or garner the respect of her crew. And last time he’d checked, he was still her first officer and the line that she had drawn to prevent that was still very much in place. He didn’t think that being back in the Alpha Quadrant would change her view of things, even if she did feel anything beyond friendship for him.

He let out a long exhale as he made his way along the corridors of Voyager, rubbing the back of his neck distractedly. Just when he finally thought he knew exactly where he stood with her – close friend and trusted second in command – she threw him a curveball.

Well, _it didn’t matter_ , he repeated to himself for the hundredth time since last night.

Except, maybe it did.

While he had been on his home planet during his leave, Chakotay had thought long and hard about whether or not he should, or even wanted to, return to Starfleet after their leave was over. Being back there, he’d had a lot of time for soul-searching. He’d taken a long look at his life, and though he was grateful to Kathryn and the crew for giving him a chance to redeem himself and shed his anger and discontent, he found himself dissatisfied with the way his life seemed to be turning into a never-ending status quo. Especially where Kathryn was concerned. He was at a crossroads, and his failed relationship with Seven (though he realized now that it had been doomed from the start for several reasons, some of them obvious) had made him question himself even more, prompting him to think about what it was that he really wanted.

But instead of being brave and taking a chance, in the end he had opted for the easy way out. For comfort. For familiarity.

For the never-ending status quo.

And so he’d decided to return to Voyager as a Starfleet officer.

There was just so much at stake! Kathryn may have felt threatened by their potential, but for Chakotay the fear had always been that his feelings might interfere with their friendship and ruin one of the most important and meaningful relationships of his life. And that fear remained, despite the hope now fighting for room in his heart.

But if, somehow, by some miracle, Kathryn’s feelings _had_ changed toward him, then he would have a very powerful incentive to get outside of his comfort zone and actually disrupt that status quo… To take a chance and do the things he really wanted. And resign from Starfleet, if that’s what he needed to do. So Chakotay decided to watch her over the next few days, perhaps try to rekindle that old camaraderie that he’d missed so much over the last few months, and see how things went. If there were no more “incidents,” he promised himself he would let it go and try to go back to his earlier resolutions. But if (his heart nearly burst in hope) he found reason to believe that her feelings _had_ changed, then he made the new resolution to actually do something about it.

Feeling lighter now that he’d made the decision, Chakotay tore his gaze from the floor and looked up, only to realize that he had actually caught up to the object of his thoughts, and he was walking a few meters behind Kathryn. She stretched her neck from side to side as she walked. Clearly she hadn’t slept either, much as he had thought.

Chakotay picked up the pace to catch up with her. “You didn’t think I’d want to miss the first chance to meet these archaeologists, did you?” He asked, smiling.

Kathryn startled at his sudden appearance at her side, but then she shook her head apologetically. “Of course! I meant to ask you to join me but it slipped my mind. I’m sorry.”

Chakotay smiled. “That’s okay. Long night? I heard you were up all night working in Engineering. I don’t suppose the captain would take her first officer’s advice if he suggested she take better care of herself?”

The corners of her mouth quirked up. He knew all too well the answer to that by now, but he figured it was worth repeating. “Probably not. But the captain thanks her first officer for caring.” She went on before he could respond. “Thank you for taking care of the mess in my quarters. And everywhere else. I heard the kitchen was particularly messy.”

“Of course.”

They walked quietly the rest of the way, the silence stretching between them uncomfortably. When they stepped into the transporter room, Tuvok was already there, waiting with two of his security officers, as per protocol. They nodded to him as they stepped in.

The captain nodded to the technician behind the console, and Chakotay took his spot next to her, hands on his hips, as the transporter beams shimmered with the matter stream. Five people materialized on the platform, all of them dressed in civilian attire, and beaming with them were various crates and trunks of equipment. Then the scientists smiled as they looked around in wide-eyed wonder.

“Welcome to Voyager,” the captain greeted.

Chakotay’s smile froze on his face when he recognized the woman now moving forward on the platform. “Bel!” He blurted out in shock. Belinda Bianchi stopped dead in her tracks as her eyes fell on him and widened in recognition. How was she…? Chakotay was stunned speechless, but luckily Bel recovered from her surprise first. She stepped down the platform and stopped in front of the both of them, though her eyes never strayed far from Chakotay’s face, as if she couldn’t quite believe it was him.

“I’m Captain Janeway,” Kathryn said, looking between the two of them curiously, forcing both of them to shake off their surprise at seeing each other so unexpectedly. Despite the years, Bel hadn’t changed – with her dark hair tied into a messy bun and an impish twist to her grin.

“I’m sorry,” Bel stammered, shaking herself and tearing her eyes away from Chakotay. “I’m Dr. Belinda Bianchi, the head archaeologist of the Ardok project. We appreciate you giving us a ride, Captain.”

Kathryn nodded as she shook her hand. “It seems that you’re already acquainted with my first officer, Commander Chakotay?”

Belinda smiled tentatively as her eyes returned to Chakotay. “Yes, we went to the Academy together.”

“Is that so?” Kathryn replied, exchanging a quick look with Chakotay, but Chakotay was still too taken aback by the unexpected surprise to acknowledge her sly expression. Kathryn moved her gaze over Belinda’s shoulder at the rest of her team who were busy moving their equipment down the platform. Judging by how young they looked, Chakotay assumed they were her students.

Bel got the hint and she turned to introduce her team. “Forgive me, these are my graduate students. This is T’Dil,” a young Vulcan woman nodded once, “Eric Carbonneau, Frederik Weinberg,” the young men nodded, smiling. Then turning to a tall and slender non-human young woman, she added: “and Tibeya. Tibeya is Maradib, originally from Gianfar 4, where the site of Ardok is located.”

“We call our planet Maradibaya,” Tibeya informed them, her voice lilting with an accent. Chakotay couldn’t decide if her comment was meant as a correction or as a diplomatic exchange of knowledge.

“Our project at Ardok is also part of her doctoral research,” Bel added.

“Maradib believe that we are children of the Ardokians,” Tibeya explained. “But we know almost nothing about them.”

Chakotay nodded knowingly, relieved to have something else to focus on other than Belinda. Or Kathryn, for that matter. “Giving life to your own history, I understand the impulse.”

Tibeya’s larger-than-human black eyes shot to him, as if taken aback by his words.

Kathryn nodded again. “Well, it all sounds fascinating, and I look forward to hearing more over dinner tonight, but for now I’m sure you are all looking forward to settling into your quarters? This is Commander Tuvok, he will take you and show you around. He can take you to the mess hall if you would like some refreshments,” she added for Tuvok’s benefit, who nodded. “We should reach Gianfar 4 – Maradibaya – tomorrow morning.”

Tuvok stepped up, opening his arms as an invitation for the team to walk ahead of him. “Please, this way.”

The students obeyed, but Belinda lingered behind. She looked up at Chakotay again, lingering surprise brightening her hazel eyes. “Wow… It’s been, what… fifteen years?”

Chakotay nodded in dazed acknowledgment. Something like that.

“Well, I’m sure you have a lot of catching up to do,” Kathryn interjected, sounding a little breathless, as if she was the one feeling like she’d been punched in the stomach, and not Chakotay, “but for now I hope you’ll excuse me, I’m afraid I’m expected on the bridge.”

Chakotay nodded, grateful for the reminder. He met her eyes briefly before returning his gaze to Bel’s. “So am I. But if you’re free later, I could give you and the others a tour of Voyager. We could catch up then. I’d love to hear how you became head of the Ardok project.”

“That sounds great,” Belinda replied, her smile slightly less guarded than before.

Kathryn gave them both a quick bow. “I’ll see you in a few minutes, Commander,” she said for Chakotay’s benefit before she turned on her heels. He was grateful to her for recognizing that he might need a moment. Despite his lingering shock, it didn’t escape his notice that she all but ran out of the room.

Chakotay and Bel stood in silence for a few seconds, just… looking. Searching for the familiar and the new in each other’s faces.

“It’s good to see you,” she blurted at last, her face breaking into a smile he knew all too well. “I was so relieved when I learned you were back in these necks of the woods!”

Chakotay smiled too. “It’s good to see you too, Bel.” He invited her to walk with him, vaguely aware that one of the security officers was walking a few meters behind them, keeping a respectful distance.

“And,” Bel went on as she glanced at his uniform, “officially back in Starfleet, I see!”

Chakotay nodded as he looked down and opened up his arms to show off his uniform. 

“I confess, I never thought you would go back, after you left to join the Maquis,” she went on. “I hope you’ll tell me the story of how that happened sometime.”

Chakotay bit back a smile. “Sure. For now let’s just say that Captain Janeway can be very persuasive.”

When they reached the turbolift, Chakotay signaled the security officer to come closer before he looked down at Bel again. “I have to go now, but I’ll come and get you and the students for a tour later. Lieutenant Trent here will take you to catch up with the others.”

Chakotay watched them go for a second, still too dazed by this unexpected reunion to be able to make sense of how it made him feel. Of course he was glad to see Belinda again, she’d been important to him once, but he couldn’t shake a slight unease.

Well, he told himself as he resumed his way to the bridge, he’d have to figure it out later. For now his captain was waiting for him on the bridge.

oooOooo

The day went by slowly for B’Elanna. The captain had given her and those who had worked all night a few hours to rest in the morning, but since waking up, B’Elanna felt groggy and irritable, as if she couldn’t quite wake herself up. She’d had more caffeine than was probably wise, and she’d even considered going to the Doctor and ask or some kind of stimulant, but then decided against it. After all, the journey to the Gianfar system was going smoothly so far, and the gravity plates seemed to cooperate. For now. The error message was still coming on and off, and B’Elanna knew they had just bought themselves some time with the repairs they had done overnight. The captain had decided to leave it at that for now, and told B’Elanna that they would deal with the issue again once their mission was over – even if it just meant putting the old gravity plates back on. They had even replicated magnetized boot soles for the crew, in case the plates malfunctioned again. It nagged at B’Elanna not to be able to fix the problem for once and for all, though.

She was distracted from her diagnostics when Chakotay suddenly stepped into the room, a group of five people B’Elanna assumed were the archaeology team on his heels. “This is Engineering,” Chakotay was telling them, then went on to tell them about the warp core.

B’Elanna gave the group a small smile when Chakotay introduced her. The group went on after a couple of questions about the matter-anti-matter reaction, but one of them lingered behind to stare up at the warp core. By all appearances she wasn’t human, but B’Elanna recognized… _something,_ in her wistful expression, something she could relate to. She stepped closer and followed the stranger’s gaze to the warp core.

“It’s kind of mesmerizing to watch, isn’t it?” She asked conversationally, happy for the distraction, as she leaned her elbows on the railing.

The young woman startled, then stared at B’Elanna. “Yes.” And then she kept staring at her. B’Elanna resisted the urge to squirm or ask her whether she had something growing on her nose. “What’s your name?” She asked instead.

“Tibeya,” she replied with a quick head nod and an even faster hand gesture to her forehead, then paused to tilt her head at B’Elanna curiously. “I notice that you are the only one of your kind here, have your people cast you out? Is that why you have chosen to be here, with people who are not your own?”

B’Elanna frowned, not sure how to react. She decided that this young person couldn’t possibly know how much B’Elanna struggled with her Klingon heritage, and that she probably didn’t mean any offense by it. “No,” she replied slowly. “I live here because that’s what I choose to do. Besides, my father is human.” She considered Tibeya a moment longer. “How about you?” She returned the question, assuming she wouldn’t be offended if she’d asked it first.

“I’m defective,” was Tibeya’s reply, as if it explained everything.

B’Elanna frowned again. She wasn’t quite sure what, exactly, “defective” meant for Tibeya. Linguistics weren’t her thing and she was lacking context. Before B’Elanna could ask what she meant, Tibeya returned her gaze to the warp core. “It is most mesmerizing. Thank you. I should return to the others, now.”

B’Elanna watched her go with a frown, puzzled by the exchange. Then, _of course_ , the gravity plates chose that moment to act up again, so B’Elanna activated her magnetic boots with a groan and a roll of the eyes at the way the members of Chakotay’s group squealed in surprise at the sudden absence of gravity in Engineering. Nice to see _someone_ was enjoying this. She could almost hear the captain curse all the way from the bridge.

“Nursery to Lieutenant Torres,” the voice coming from her combadge said instead, startling her. _Miral._

B’Elanna closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Torres, here,” she replied with a sigh, already anticipating whatever trouble Miral might have gotten herself into. The child was only three months old – B’Elanna didn’t dare imagine what she would be up to at two years old. Or worse, she thought with a shudder, at fifteen.

oooOooo

Kathryn took a second to look at the table to make sure nothing was missing: she hadn’t hosted a guest party larger than just she and Chakotay in a while, and she wanted to make sure she wasn’t forgetting anything. She straightened a chair and a fork, then took a step back.

Everything looked fine, so she moved to the replicator, to make sure that it was behaving this time. This was not the time to get into an argument with an appliance – she’d had enough of that going on last night in Engineering. She had considered ordering something from Mr. Chell rather than use the replicator, but all things considered it was probably safer to get something from her quarters. Sometimes she missed Neelix – his cooking was as…adventuresome… as Mr. Chell’s, but Neelix had always been particularly sensitive to cultural preferences and restrictions, always making sure that visitors had a taste of home. Following his example, Kathryn had done some research on Maradib dietary preferences to ensure that the young woman in Dr. Bianchi’s party wouldn’t feel excluded.

She considered lighting up candles, but then remembered the persisting issue with the gravity plates – open flames would definitely be a bad idea, as Chakotay had pointed out jestingly the night before. Though it was bothersome, gravity issues were not life threatening, so Kathryn had made sure to give instructions to the crew (and their guests) ensuring their safety – wearing their magnetized soles and activating them if necessary, as well as other safety and hygienic measures to observe, at least until the problem was fixed for good.

The door chimed and Kathryn gave the voice command for it to open. It was Dr. Bianchi, and she was alone. She checked her wristwatch with a frown when she noticed no one else had arrived yet. “Sorry, am I early? I was worried I might get lost, it’s been so long since I’ve been on such a large starship!”

Kathryn smiled, hoping to make her at ease. “No, you’re right on time, Dr. Bianchi. Please, come on in. I hope our little technical issues haven’t been too much of a bother, I do apologize.”

Dr. Bianchi chuckled, genuinely amused. “Oh no. I actually enjoy zero-gravity. Especially when I don’t expect it. And it’s Belinda, please.”

Kathryn nodded in acknowledgement. “Wine?” She asked, holding up the bottle.

“That would be lovely, thank you.”

“Didn’t you say you went to the Academy?” Kathryn asked curiously in response to her earlier comment about starships. Belinda nodded as she accepted the wineglass Kathryn was offering. One of the precautions was to have a lid – it took away some of the charm, but it was a necessary evil.

“Yes, but I left Starfleet after I completed the program at the Academy. I’m a Starfleet brat you see,” she explained, “and I made a deal with my parents that I would complete the program at the Academy before I made any decision about my future. By the time I was done it was no surprise to them that I decided to pursue archaeology as a civilian.”

“I’m a Starfleet child myself,” Kathryn replied as she poured herself a glass, “but in my case I was the one who insisted on pursuing it as a career. I’ve never considered doing anything else, not even once.” She invited Belinda to take a seat at the table and Kathryn followed her.

Dr. Bianchi nodded with a smile. “Somehow this doesn’t surprise me, you strike me as the kind of woman who knows what she wants in life.”

Kathryn tilted her head, the conversation with Chakotay the night before flashing through her mind. “Well, knowing what you want and having the strength to go after it are two different things, and _you_ strike me as the kind of person who isn’t afraid to go after what they want. You have to know how to make room for yourself to get a posting like head archaeologist at the Ancient Tunnel City of Ardok!”

Belinda smiled. “Yes, I suppose that’s true! Here’s to bold and adventurous women!” She leaned over the table so they could clink their glasses. At that moment Kathryn found herself liking her, a little despite herself. When they had first met this morning, when Kathryn had realized that she and Chakotay knew each other (and knew each other well), she had felt something twisting uneasily in the pit of her stomach. She had hated the feeling – she wasn’t one to feel threatened by other women, and she really didn’t want to start now. So a part of her was glad to find Dr. Bianchi was actually likeable. It made seeing her as competition a tad harder. Though it did nothing to assuage Kathryn’s curiosity about their history. “I’ll drink to that.” They took a sip. “Chakotay should arrive soon. Are your students not joining us?” Kathryn asked.

“Oh yes, they should be here shortly as well,” she confirmed. “They’ve been looking forward to it. We’ve all heard so much about this ship and your incredible journey in the Delta Quadrant, I think they are hoping for some storytelling!”

Kathryn smiled again as she settled further into her chair, crossing her legs, finding herself relaxing. “I confess, I’ve been hoping for some storytelling myself!” She said. Chakotay had been surprisingly tight-lipped on the bridge today, and Kathryn had been reluctant to pry while he still seemed to be dealing with this unexpected turn of events. Every time she’d glanced at him, he’d been staring at his screen – either completely focused, or thoroughly distracted. She hadn’t been able to tell.

“You mean about how I know Chakotay.” Dr. Bianchi gave a knowing nod. “We were in the same cohort at the Academy.” She took a sip of her wine, then she smiled distantly, as if lost in her memories. “We gravitated toward each other because we were both trouble makers.”

“Really?” Kathryn asked, her surprise genuine. She knew Chakotay had been kind of a rebellious youth, but a trouble maker?

Dr. Bianchi grinned. “I think for him it was kind of accidental – he was holding on to this… _anger_ , you see… He was so desperate to prove himself capable… Whereas _I_ was acting out because I didn’t want to be there! Basically, I was an ungrateful brat.” She chuckled softly and Kathryn smiled, a little sadly, at this portrayal of Chakotay as a youth. Belinda went on, grinning. “Eventually Chakotay and I bonded over our passion for Captain Kirk’s first-contact stories and early Earth space exploration, and then later our anthropology classes.”

“It sounds like you had quite the friendship,” Kathryn commented, implicitly asking what happened. Kathryn figured Chakotay would have mentioned her if they had parted on good terms.

“Yes! I don’t think I would have made it through the Academy were it not for him. It… sort of went downhill when we let our friendship turn into something more. It was the beginning of the end for us. In retrospect, I think… it put pressure and expectations on our friendship that it couldn’t sustain. About a year later he left to join the Maquis and I left to pursue archaeology at university.” She gave small shrug. “We’ve kept in touch over the years – the occasional ‘how have you been’, but today was the first time I’d seen him in person since!”

“He’s the one that got away,” Kathryn let out a little breathlessly, now better understanding the stunned wonder of their reunion in the transporter room. This was not helping her quell her instinct to feel threatened by the archaeologist. She knew all too well the allure of what-ifs and unresolved feelings. But it wasn’t just that. The parallels with Kathryn’s own relationship with Chakotay were striking – in particular the close friendship – and Kathryn couldn’t help but hear the story as a cautionary tale. A part of her tried to convince her that though there were similarities, this would not happen to her and Chakotay _,_ should they let their friendship turn into something more.

Kathryn forced the voice down with a rather large gulp of wine.

Before Dr. Bianchi could reply, the door chimed again and Kathryn called for it to open. She used that moment to recover her composure and shake her uneasiness away. She was surprised to find the students with Chakotay, all of them grinning as if Chakotay just told them a joke.

As they poured in, chatting, and took their seats around the table at Kathryn’s invitation, Kathryn wondered whether Dr. Bianchi could even recognize the person she had known at the Academy. Chakotay had once told her that he had found peace in his duties to Voyager – to her – but she hadn’t truly realized just how much _that_ must have changed him until now. Just how much letting go of his anger must have meant to him. He was probably nothing like the restless young man Dr. Bianchi remembered – and yet, if Dr. Bianchi had loved him then, he must seem so much easier to love now.

Still smiling, Chakotay met Kathryn’s glance across the table and raised a questioning eyebrow. Kathryn realized she’d been staring so she shook herself and focused on her job as the host. All throughout the evening, though, Kathryn couldn’t help but watch Chakotay’s interaction Dr. Bianchi from the corner of her eye. Kathryn had almost expected secret smiles and lingering looks between them. But instead their interactions were friendly, open. They acted like old friends, rather than would-be-lovers. They shared a very similar sense of humor. And though Dr. Bianchi did have a tendency to touch him – fingers on his arm, a hand on his shoulder – Kathryn figured this might just be the way she was; after all Kathryn herself was a fairly tactile person. And she noticed that Chakotay never reciprocated. If anything, she found his gaze on _her_ more often than not, studying her, as if he was trying to figure something out.

All the while, the conversation flowed from one topic to another – ranging from a couple of stories about the Delta Quadrant to the archaeologists’ life on Cavela Prime and attending the university there. Eventually the topic moved to the archaeological project at Ardok, and Dr. Bianchi and her students’ eyes lit up as they started telling Kathryn and Chakotay about what they would be surveying this fieldwork season and what they hoped to get out of it. Both Kathryn and Chakotay expressed their eagerness to participate the next day, if the team didn’t mind having them under their feet. The students were very enthusiastic to have them around, happy for the chance to teach others, and not the other way around, for once. Only the young Maradib woman, Tibeya, remained mostly quiet through this exchange, her large black eyes moving from one person to the other, observing. Listening. When there was a break in the conversation, Kathryn decided to try and draw her out by asking her about the topic of her doctoral project.

“I want to determine whether Ardokian society was hierarchical, like the Maradib. And if so, how this social organization influenced the inhabitant’s organization of their space.”

Kathryn had anticipated something along the lines of tedious-sounding artifact classification, so she leaned forward, her curiosity genuinely peaked.

“It’s a fascinating topic,” Dr. Bianchi added with a proud look at her student. “We’ve been considering the possibility that the Ardokians had telepathic abilities, like contemporary Maradib. And because the use of telepathy is restricted to only high social status community members in Maradib society today, we are curious to know if the status-based discrimination originated with the Ardokians or if this is something that developed in more recent times. We’re hoping the study of architecture and artifacts from the site will help us learn more about it.”

Kathryn had questions, but she couldn’t help but notice how Tibeya looked down at her hands as her professor spoke, as if made uncomfortable with so much disclosure about her people. Kathryn recalled Seven’s words, about the Maradib being secretive. Sensing her discomfort, Kathryn exchanged a quick, pointed look with Chakotay, and as if by common accord, they moved on the conversation to a different topic, though Kathryn was dying to ask about the nature of the Maradib’s telepathy. Did they hear everyone’s thoughts, or just their species? Did they have to initiate the connection or did it happen naturally, like the Borg interlink? But satisfying her curiosity could wait.

When Kathryn next looked at the time (when she’d struggled to stifle a yawn), she found they had been sitting at the table for over four hours, long after the meal was over. Realizing how late it was, they all parted excited for the adventure that awaited them in the morning, and for Kathryn, looking forward to distract herself from her current emotional turmoil. At least for a while.

oooOooo

Tom Paris was wandering along the corridors of Deck 11, bouncing his daughter against his shoulder as he walked, trying to get her to calm down. He’d run out of things to try, so now he was back to doing what seemed to have the most success: constant movement.

Miral was still unhappy, and she struggled in the carrier he wore on his chest, but Tom held firm in his determination to get her to fall asleep. His shift on the bridge started in a few hours, and the captain would probably be happier if he didn’t fall asleep at the helm, especially when they would reach the Gianfar system in the morning. But B’Elanna had pulled an all-nighter the night before, and she needed her sleep far more than he did. Oh Tom was starting to feel the irregular (and lack of) sleep hours that came with a baby too, but really, it was B’Elanna who seemed to be bearing the brunt of it all. It wasn’t that Tom wasn’t present or that they didn’t share the load equally, it was more that B’Elanna seemed to put a lot more pressure on herself than Tom did. She was trying so hard to do everything, and to do everything perfectly, he could see that pressure start to take its toll. He was growing concerned about her – they had been back on Voyager for just a few days and she already had a threadbare, frayed look to her. And when she was this exhausted, B’Elanna’s temper and irritability also had a tendency to flare. So when Miral had started crying in the middle of the night, again, waking them both, Tom had hurried to take Miral out of the room.

Besides, Miral enjoyed these midnight strolls with her old man, didn’t she?

His daughter started crying again, as if she’d heard his thoughts and decided to spite him. Tom let out an exasperated chuckle, but then he almost collided with Tuvok as they rounded the corner.

“Sorry, Tuvok,” Tom apologized for both the near miss and the loudness of the crying. He was about to keep going when Tuvok spoke.

“No need to apologize. Perhaps I can be of assistance?” Tuvok said as he looked at Miral with his usual blank expression.

Tom did a double take, but when Tuvok extended his arms in an offer to take Miral, Tom just shook his head. “By all means, I don’t know what to do anymore. She just won’t settle. I’ve tried everything – changing, feeding, I’ve even tried singing, apparently the Doctor…”

Tom’s words faltered as he watched Tuvok wordlessly bringing Miral to his chest and placing his hand on her head, palm against her forehead. He mumbled something in Vulcan, and Tom let out a victorious huff when Miral stopped crying – her dark eyes now staring curiously at Tuvok’s face, chewing on her fist.

“What did you do?” Tom asked curiously. “A mind meld?” He was only half-joking, but Tuvok gave him an affronted look.

“That would be unwise on a child of her age.” Tuvok handed Miral back to him, his expression now betraying the slightest of smiles. “I merely let my calmness envelop her.” He gave a nod before sidestepping them and continuing on his way.

Tom glanced at Miral. She wasn’t sleeping, but she did seem much calmer now, still chewing on her fist. She even smiled sweetly at him.

“Huh.”


	3. The Ancient Tunnel City of Ardok

The next morning, Kathryn was up early to brief Tuvok, who would be acting captain in her absence. Admittedly she was indulging herself by going to the planet, but since Voyager’s mission on Gianfar 6 was fairly straightforward – go in, evacuate the colonists, return the colonists once the meteor shower was over, get out – she had every confidence in her crew to do fine in her absence, (besides, it was just one day) despite the slight gravitational issues that continued to plague the ship. Kathryn reminded Tuvok that their away team would return to Voyager within 12 hours – if they weren’t back by then, they should follow established protocols and attempt contact.

Only two additional crewmembers had expressed interest in joining the archaeology mission. However, since both lieutenants Pol and Nolan were among Tuvok’s new security crew, Kathryn suspected that it was in fact Tuvok who had “volunteered” them for this, as security back-up. Kathryn had refrained from rolling her eyes at her Vulcan friend; deep down she knew Tuvok was only looking out for her. Besides, she also knew that it was the appropriate thing to do. And to their credit, the two officers did seem genuinely interested in taking part in the excursion.

When Kathryn finally made her way to the shuttle bay for their departure, she found that every member of the expedition was already present, including the two security officers and, of course, Chakotay. He was helping the students load equipment onto a remotely-controlled wheeled vehicle. Dr. Bianchi was standing to the side with an old-fashioned clipboard, checking things off her list as they went into the Flyer.

“What’s all the equipment for?” Kathryn asked curiously, after she had greeted everyone.

“Well, some of it is for our campsite,” Dr. Bianchi replied, “we’re going to be spending two months there so we need a lot of equipment. And some of it is for the technology we use to scan beneath the surface at the site. I was just telling your first officer here, there have been many advances since he last took an archaeology class,” she added with a teasing look at Chakotay.

Chakotay smiled at that, but to Kathryn’s surprise, he didn’t take the bait as he kept focusing on securing the boxes onto the vehicle. She resolutely ignored the way her stomach knotted at how easily Dr. Bianchi teased him.

“We’ve got fancy scanners,” Frederik Weinberg chimed in, grinning excitedly, “tricorders, anti-gravity generators, drones, you name it.”

“What are the generators for?” Kathryn asked curiously.

“We’re going to survey some of the tunnels,” the young man replied as he moved the vehicle forward with the remote, “so we use the generators to keep them from collapsing. Some of them are unstable.”

“Of course they are,” Kathryn drawled with an arch look at Chakotay as she moved past him to board the Flyer. “I hope our string of bad luck with artificial gravity is not going to stick.”

Chakotay smirked in kind.

Chakotay settled in the pilot chair, while Kathryn took co-pilot. They set off, and Kathryn wished Tuvok good luck over the comms before they parted ways. About 40 minutes after the shuttle left, they entered the atmosphere of Gianfar 4 – or Maradibaya as the Maradib called it. Coming from above, this part of the M-class planet looked as though several mountains had soared up from the ocean, sticking up above the waves like the dorsal fins of a giant sea beast, creating a series of mountainous islands. On each island, sharp peaks gave way to rocky sides on the way down, and then, near the wider bottom, vegetation-covered green hills dropped into the ocean in abrupt cliffs. It was as though the entire planet had been submerged in water and only the tallest peaks remained above water.

“There’s the Ancient Tunnel City of Ardok,” Belinda told them, pointing to one of the islands’ lower area where the base of the mountainside appeared to have been carved out, and at its feet were the vast ruins of the ancient city. Even from the altitude, they could see the remains of extensive stone terraces and structures carved out of the mountainside, all laid out in geometric patterns that created the illusion of a giant mosaic when looked at from above.

Kathryn frowned curiously. “It’s in the open? I expected the Ancient _Tunnel_ City of Ardok to be _inside_ the mountain. Or underground.”

Dr. Bianchi nodded. “The city gets its name from the dozens of tunnels that connect the open sections to a series of underground neighborhoods and temples. But only parts of the city were ever originally inside the mountain. We usually focus our research on the open area – a lot of it has been covered in time by vegetation and landslide debris.”

They landed not too far from the designated campsite location, on a relatively flat area on the lower, green portion of the island, about a mile downhill from the site. The strikingly large sun was just coming over the horizon when they stepped out of the Flyer, bringing just enough warmth to the cool dampness of the morning to keep off a chill. Dr. Bianchi had told them that it could get quite hot during the day, though.

A Maradib greeting party of five was awaiting them when they got off. They looked taken aback when Kathryn, Chakotay and the two officers followed the archaeologists, exchanging looks and speaking to each other in hushed, anxious tones. Kathryn shared a glance with Chakotay when they caught the word “Starfleet.” Noticing their sudden agitation, Dr. Bianchi went to greet them first, showing them some paperwork. Apparently she already knew several of the local people and had made several friends among them. Which was why the Maradib High Council had agreed to having a Federation-based archaeological investigation at Ardok in the first place.

Whatever Dr. Bianchi said to them seemed to appease the Maradib delegation, so formal introductions followed. After she had introduced the Starfleet contingent, Dr. Bianchi moved on to the Maradib. “This is my friend, Councilor Lyat’ib,” Belinda said, gesturing to an older Maradib man. He gave a formal, serious, nod, accompanied by a quick hand gesture that went from his chin to his forehead. At dinner the night before, the students had instructed Kathryn and Chakotay on the various gestural greeting forms of the Maradib, and Kathryn recognized this one as the polite greeting of high-ranking members. “He is our liaison with the High Council,” Belinda finished.

Kathryn returned the gesture on behalf of her team. She noticed that Tibeya responded with a different greeting in which she did the hand gestures while kneeling on one knee, her head bowed. Kathryn recognized that one as the greeting of the lowest-ranking caste in the Maradib hierarchical system. She exchanged a quick sidelong look with Chakotay.

“The High Council greets you,” Lyat’ib said, his tone as formal as his expression. He introduced the other Maradib of his party before explaining that the agreement required Maradib presence at the site at all times, which was why they were here. Kathryn refrained from pointing out that Dr. Bianchi already had a Maradib on her crew. Lyat’ib went on. “Maradib consider the past to be something to be revered,” he explained, “so we consider it our duty to honor it by protecting it. But,” he added with a little more warmth, “Dr. Bianchi has always been respectful of our traditions and values and so our presence has now become more of a formality. Some of us even enjoy partaking in the journey of discovery,” he added with the hint of a smile.

Once the diplomatic small talk was over, the group got working on unloading the Flyer to set up camp, before they made the mile-long hike to the site for their day trip. Kathyrn, Chakotay and the two lieutenants happily lent a hand.

“This takes me back,” Chakotay commented to Kathryn in a low voice, leaning in to speak closer to her ear, as they busied assembling the beige and grey walls of a portable shelter.

Kathryn snorted, even though her heart skipped a beat at the reference. Not only because of the memories and emotional turmoil associated with that time they had spent together, a long time ago – but also at how close to her Chakotay was suddenly standing. He had discarded his jacket now that the sun was getting warmer, and Kathryn’s skin buzzed at the way the warmth from his body seemed to seep into hers. It felt like now that her attraction to him had retaken root, deeply, irrevocably, it was flourishing every time they stood close to each other. She hadn’t realized until now how often that actually happened. She forced herself to get a grip.

She threw him a look over her shoulder. “Ours was nicer.” 

His smile softened in surprise at her words, pleased by her indirect compliment. He had worked hard, in this place they had dubbed New Earth, to make her feel at home. It had worked a little too well.

Once everything was ready at the camp, they took a few minutes to break for food, and then they set out for the site. As they made their way up the path, with the ocean to their left and the mountain rising steeply to their right, they encountered several dwellings – arguably Maradib – but all of them were deserted. It sat uneasily with Kathryn. She glanced around at the Maradib delegation who had positioned themselves all around them, as if in an escort. They appeared to have recovered from their initial surprise at seeing Starfleet personnel with the archaeologists, but Kathryn wondered how much of the welcoming rhetoric had been for diplomacy’s sake. Or to save face. Her gaze fell on Tibeya who was walking in the rear with Frederik Weinberg; she was quiet and looking at the ground before her feet, as if concentrating not to trip, but it was clear from the graceful way she walked that there was little chance of her actually stumbling. She knew how to walk this planet better than any of them here, except her compatriots. So Kathryn couldn’t help but wonder why she was so withdrawn and why the others of her kind so obviously excluded her. None of them spoke to her, or even looked in her direction. In fact, they all seemed to be keeping their distance. Was it a question of status? Was she being duly demure? Or was there something else, some cultural thing, that Kathryn didn’t quite grasp? It nagged at her to not understand.

“A beautiful place,” Kathryn commented to Chakotay who walked half a step behind her, as per usual. “But rather deserted, don’t you think?”

“I’ve noticed too.” Chakotay looked around them. “Is it me or are we getting an awful lot of suspicious looks? Bel,” He called loud enough for the archaeologist to hear. Belinda excused herself from her conversation with Lyat’ib at the front and came to walk with them. “Are you sure we’re welcome here?” Chakotay asked quietly.

Dr. Bianchi frowned but nodded. “I’ve cleared it with the High Council. Why do you ask?”

“Just a feeling,” Kathryn replied with a pointed look at their ‘escort.’

Belinda nodded in acknowledgement. “I think they _were_ surprised to find Starfleet here. While they are considered allies of the Federation, they want nothing to do with it. Especially with Starfleet. They don’t even interact directly with the colonists of Gianfar 6. But if anyone can reassure them that Starfleet officers are decent, it’s you two.”

“What about Tibeya? Is she always this quiet?” Kathryn asked after a beat, with a subtle nod over her shoulder.

Dr. Bianchi nodded again. “Yes, I’d say so. Her coming back here is always tense, very few Maradib leave the planet, let alone attend a Federation university, so she always gets a bit of a cold shoulder.”

“A bit?” Chakotay replied.

“I know their caste system may seem overly rigid to you, but we’re guests here, it’s not our place to judge,” Belinda replied. “It was her decision to come back here, and it was an informed decision, so all I can do is support her when she needs it.”

Kathryn acknowledged her point; her Starfleet values of inclusivity had definitely been tingling uneasily at what she was seeing here. But Belinda was right, and Kathryn reminded herself that open-mindedness and reluctance to interfere was what the Prime Directive was all about.

Belinda turned her attention back to Chakotay, her expression turning teasing again. “Were you always this paranoid, or is that something you picked up in the Delta Quadrant?” She hit Chakotay in the shoulder playfully before she moved ahead again. Chakotay watched her go with a shake of his head and a small smile.

“Well,” Kathryn started as she followed his gaze, “I vote for some healthy caution, but let’s not let _our paranoia_ ruin our visit,” she drawled.

One corner of Chakotay’s mouth twitched up. “Agreed.”

After a moment spent walking in silence, focusing on where to step on the rocky, uneven path, Kathryn spoke again, giving him a glance. “It must be strange to see her again, after all this time.”

He threw her a surprised look. “She told you about our history,” he stated more than asked. But then he nodded and gave a slight shrug, frowning as he considered his next words. “It was at first. She’s associated with a part of my life that, for a long time, I would have rather forgotten. It’s almost like facing a ghost from my past. But, at the same time, I’m actually grateful for that opportunity. To put it all behind me. Find closure. It’s what I went home for these last couple of months.”

Kathryn waited for him to say more, but when he didn’t she nodded, wondering exactly what had happened on his home planet. This was the second time he’d mentioned it, yet he still seemed reluctant to talk about it. “I know what you mean. That’s exactly how I felt when I met Mark over coffee last month.”

His eyes shot to her face in surprise. “How did that go?”

Kathryn shrugged. “Fine, I guess. A little awkward, a little nice, a little painful. But it was good to finally find that closure. I think we’re both happier for it.”

Chakotay smiled in understanding. “This is exactly how it’s been with Bel. It’s great to see her again, but I have no desire to go back.”

“What about her? Do you think she would?” Kathryn asked, trying to sound conversational, and not morbidly interested.

Chakotay looked ahead at Belinda’s back while he considered. “No. I don’t believe so. We were always much better at being friends than lovers, and we both know it. We’ve learned that the hard way. Besides, we’ve both changed over the years. And, she’s happily married.”

Kathryn couldn’t help staring up at him in surprise. Dr. Bianchi hadn’t mentioned a significant other, and somehow Kathryn hadn’t perceived her as the marrying kind. She hadn’t noticed a ring either, though that didn’t mean anything. “Really?”

Chakotay smiled at her surprise, but he nodded. “As far as I know. And she’s a mother. She has two kids, two daughters, if I remember correctly.”

Something that felt suspiciously like relief swelled inside Kathryn at his words, and she had the distinct impression that he was telling her this on purpose. As if he was trying to tell her that she needn’t worry about Belinda coming between the two of them. The man was too perceptive for his own good.

Before Kathryn could articulate a reply, she realized that they had reached their destination. They all stopped to take in the view of the archaeological site, and catch their breath from the ascent up the path. The site was as impressive on the ground as it had been from above, and Kathryn found herself in awe. The side of the mountain itself had been carved into impressive terraces covered with water cascades and pillared structures, until they all met into some kind of open plaza at ground level, surrounded by more of the pillared structures. Many of them still stood intact, impressive in their incredibly tall arch and vault stone architecture and intricately sculpted designs, as were the remains of fountains, and complex (and still operational) water irrigation systems, which carried water from natural streams coming from under the mountain. Other structures were collapsed heaps of stones covered in moss or were simply buried under dirt and rocks from the landslide that had covered part of the site. Broken pillars carved with intricate creatures stood in various alignments, creating alleys and other open geometric spaces. The sheer size and craftsmanship behind this city, the interplay of stone and water, was just ingenious.

“It’s as incredible as I imagined!” Chakotay exclaimed, his elation brightening up his features. “To think they built all this without any of modern technology, not even electricity!” Kathryn found her gaze lingering on him, the way the slanted sunbeams made his skin glow, until he turned to her with a quick, bright smile.

Dr. Bianchi grinned at his excitement. “Come on. It would take days to take you over the entire city. But I’ll give you a tour of the central plaza and show you where we’ve been working the last few years, and where we’ll be working today.”

oooOooo

“Is it just me or does it feel like Mom and Dad left on vacation?” Tom asked wryly from his post at the helm, his fingers busy on the console.

“I admit I’m a little jealous,” Harry said wistfully from where he stood behind his own console. “It would be fun to play tourists, for a while. I mean I’m glad we’ll be helping the folks on Gianfar 6, but…”

“Then why didn’t you choose to go with them? The excursion was open to everyone,” Seven asked.

Harry shrugged.

Tom grinned. “Your sudden regret wouldn’t have anything to do with that lovely Vulcan student you were making gooey eyes at earlier, would it?” Tom added as he swiveled in his chair to give Harry a teasing look – just to let him know he wasn’t fooling anyone about his sudden reasons for wanting to go play archaeologist. He chuckled when Harry blushed furiously, his eyes moving toward the back of Tuvok’s head as if to say ‘can you not say those things in front of him, please’? It only made Tom chuckle harder.

“Such conversations are hardly appropriate for the bridge, gentlemen,” acting captain Tuvok intervened in his usual monotone. Harry’s expression now said ‘see what you did?’

“Of course. Sorry, sir.” Tom smiled to himself as he swiveled back around to focus on his screens. He stifled a yawn. What he wouldn’t give for a cup of coffee right about now.

“We’re coming into view of Gianfar 6, sir,” Harry said after he cleared his throat.

“On screen. Take us out of warp and set thrusters at a minimum, Mr. Paris. Mr. Kim, open a channel with the colony leadership. They should be expecting us.”

The viewscreen showed a portion of Gianfar 6 as Voyager settled in a high orbit, and it looked beautiful from this vantage point. This M-class planet, the captain had explained at the mission briefing, was the sixth planet in the Gianfar system. Its closest neighbor, Gianfar 7 (would it be so hard to find more original names for those planets? Tom had thought), was a gas planet with a series of wide orbiting asteroid belts. It was beautiful, but it was also problematic for any lifeforms on Gianfar 6; every 75 years or so, the two planets’ elliptical orbits came close to each other (relatively speaking, of course). When that happened, Gianfar 6’s gravity pulled some of the objects from Gianfar 7’s belts, essentially stealing them from the rings and pulling them towards its surface, creating the perfect recipe for a very dangerous meteor shower. Especially because some of the space objects orbiting in the rings were large enough to get the ‘moon’ label, and if such asteroids were to hit the surface of Gianfar 6, the result would be catastrophic to any settlement.

The Federation colony at Gianfar 6 was so recent, the colonists had never experienced this phenomenon themselves. But they had known it would happen, so they’d spent the bulk of the last 40 years preparing for this event, reinforcing structures, building underground bunkers, and last but not least, building a vast dome-like shield that would protect the settlement from most meteorite hits. At least that was the hope. This was the first opportunity for the colonists to test their shield – so it had been arranged that Voyager would help evacuate the colonists to their four passenger shuttles already in orbit, in case the shields didn’t work or failed halfway through the storm. The colony’s scientists and engineers could monitor the situation from the Voyager observation deck and see how the shields held up. Should the shields not work as expected, Voyager would be there to protect the surface from the larger space objects and debris, either by deflecting them or targeting them with their weapons. The ship’s upgraded shields would protect them, should some of these bodies impact Voyager directly.

They were ready – they had spent the last couple of days preparing for this. This would be a walk in the park compared to some of the things they had had to do in the Delta Quadrant. Which was probably why the captain had decided to go to Gianfar 4 instead. Still, it was rewarding to know she had enough confidence in their abilities to entreat Voyager and this mission to the rest of them. Despite his joking tone earlier, Tom knew the captain wouldn’t entrust Voyager to just anyone.

Once the channel opened, the face of a middle-aged, anxious-looking man appeared on screen. “You’re here at last!” He shook himself. “Forgive me, I am Prime Minister Kumara.”

Tuvok nodded. “I am Captain Tuvok of the starship Voyager. We are here to assist with the evacuation. I assume the colonists are ready to proceed?”

Prime Minister Kumara looked uncomfortable again. “I’m afraid there has been a slight… complication.”

Damn. Had Tom jinxed it with his overconfident thoughts?

Tuvok frowned ever so slightly. But it was Seven who replied. “We are monitoring the debris rings closely, Prime Minister, and the high-risk impact window will start in under three hours. We have little time for complications. We were told that you had been preparing for this day for decades.”

Kumara nodded. “Yes. You are correct, and most of my people are ready to evacuate-”

“Then we will proceed-” Tuvok started, raising his hand to signal Harry, only to be interrupted.

“But there are several who are refusing to leave.”

Tom sighed to himself. He should have seen this coming. “For what purpose?” Tuvok asked, as puzzled and dreading as a Vulcan could express.

“Perhaps we might discuss this in private, Captain?”

“Very well. Lower the colony shields and be ready for transport. Please tell your people – those who are ready to evacuate – to proceed to the predetermined coordinates and stand ready. We will start transporting people shortly.”

Prime Minister Kumara nodded gratefully before ending the communication.

Though Tuvok had promised privacy to the prime minister, he nevertheless requested the senior officers to be present for the conversation. So a few moments later, they were all siting at the table in the briefing room, including the Doctor and B’Elanna, who was nursing a large cup of coffee. Tom took a moment to lean in to quietly ask her if everything was okay, but she dismissed him with a scoff and a wave of her hand. Then she seemed to recall that brushing him off had never accomplished anything in the past, and she gave him a small, apologetic smile. Tom briefly squeezed her hand under the table.

Then Tuvok prompted the prime minister to tell them more about the situation in the colony.

He licked his lips, joining his hands on the table. “In spite of my best efforts as prime minister, over the last several years there have been… you might call them factions, developing among the colonists. You see, the colony is in three major settlements, each specializing in a trade or the acquisition of a particular resource. Recently, the three settlements have started to become competitive toward each other. At first we didn’t discourage it, some healthy competition has never hurt anyone, but recently… it’s taken a life of its own. This harmless competition has become ridiculous – colonists from the three settlements are stealing from each other, even in some rare instances, coming to blows over land and resources. Leaders of each settlement are becoming increasingly paranoid and suspicious of each other.”

“And it looked like such a lovely place to live,” Tom drawled under his breath.

“It used to be – to be honest, my team and I have been so focused preparing for today that I’m afraid we failed to recognize how serious these…social issues were becoming.”

“What does this have to do with the evacuation?” B’Elanna asked, her irritability seeping into her tone.

“Over the last several days, as we activated the shield and started implementing the evacuation protocol, each of the settlement leaders approached me independently, accusing me of using the evacuation to allow one of the other settlements to take over one of the areas that has been particularly coveted. They all suspect I’m siding with the other in some kind of political play, and that the evacuation is a conspiracy to take land or resources away from them.”

“I assume their concern about your politics is unfounded?” Tuvok asked bluntly.

Kumara recoiled at the accusation. “Absolutely! My job as prime minister is to see to the safety of the entire colony. To be honest, I wouldn’t care about their petty rivalries if it didn’t put colonists from all settlements in danger!”

Tuvok exhaled slowly as he stared at the man a little longer. The prime minister held his eyes unflinchingly. “Very well,” Tuvok replied. “We will bring representatives from each settlement here, and attempt to reason with them. They must see that this evacuation is for the safety of all.”

The prime minister nodded in relief.

“How many people are refusing to leave?”

“About 250 in total.”

Tuvok nodded before he turned to Seven. “Go to Astrometrics and continue monitor the debris field. Alert us if any of the largest objects start moving toward the colony.” He turned to Ayala, who was acting as chief of security while Tuvok was acting captain. “Mr. Ayala, when the colony scientists get here, please take them to the observation deck so that they can monitor incoming data from their shields.” Then he turned to B’Elanna and Harry. “I would like you to prepare additional means of keeping asteroids from reaching the planet’s surface, in case the rest of the colonists refuse to leave to the end. We will do what we can to protect them. Strengthen the shields, arm weapons and come up with additional solutions, in case those fail.”

“Couldn’t we just transport those people off the planet anyway? They’d thank us later,” B’Elanna suggested.

Tuvok’s gaze slid toward her. “Starfleet is not in the habit of taking colonists against their will, Lieutenant. Besides, the chaos that would ensue here on Voyager would likely be beyond our security to control.”

“It was just a thought,” she replied.

“I’m happy to help in any way I can,” Prime Minister Kamura said as they all stood to their feet.

“I believe your people may need your leadership now more than ever, Prime Minister. You should return to support those who are ready for evacuation. Leave the recalcitrant to us.”

Tom sighed. He should have known this mission wouldn’t be as lowkey as he had dared imagine.

oooOooo

Chakotay felt like a kid in a candy store as he worked with Carbonneau, T’Dil and Lieutenant Pol unearthing one of the structures buried under thousands of years’ worth of dirt and rubble from landslides and other geological processes. A short distance away, Kathryn and Lieutenant Nolan were helping Weinberg and Tibeya conduct a survey in a large circular, pillared structure, closer to the ragged cliffs of the coast.

Chakotay loved history and the science of people and their societies, but there was something about archaeology in particular that actually _moved_ him – being here and touching things that hadn’t been touched in thousands of years was as close to touching the past as could be – well, without transgressing the temporal prime directive, that is.

However, his pleasure at being here was somewhat dampened by the sense of constantly being watched. Maybe he _had_ grown paranoid in the Delta Quadrant, but the Maradib delegation had taken position in various strategic locations to monitor their activities, and there was something unsettling about them just sitting there, watching, and sometimes not paying attention at all. Only two of them actually seemed interested in what the archaeologists were doing, including Lyat’ib, who actually engaged Bel and the students in conversation every once in a while. And even though none of them appeared to be armed, Chakotay had to consciously refrain from constantly looking over his shoulder.

For her part Bel wandered back and forth between the two teams, making sure that her students (including themselves) were doing things correctly. As Chakotay had told Kathryn earlier, it had taken a while for him to come to grips with the unexpected reunion. Admittedly he had dreaded spending time with Belinda at first, though he wasn’t entirely sure what, exactly, he’d been afraid of. Perhaps he’d feared that this time spent together would rekindle old resentments, or open up old wounds.

But much to his relief, none of that happened. Instead, during their tour of Voyager the day before they’d fallen back into their old friendship easily, without any of the awkwardness that he had been anticipating. Bel hadn’t changed one bit – she was still the free-spirited, passionate person who had befriended him as a teenager, and she interacted with him in the same open and friendly way as she had back then. There was no insinuation in her interactions, no bitterness, and Chakotay knew her to well to suspect any ulterior motives. With Belinda Bianchi, what you saw was what you got. So Chakotay realized now that he shouldn’t have worried. And coming to this realization meant he could simply be happy to see his old friend again.

Chakotay moved to the open tent where they kept their equipment to find a recording instrument, and his gaze sought out Kathryn in the distance out of habit. Though the urge to know where she was at all times was probably exacerbated by the Maradib’s presence, there was actually nothing unusual about it for Chakotay. He had always felt it that instinctive need, both as her first officer and as a friend. She was with the other team carrying a surveying device while the other members of her team helped and recorded data. She was too far away for Chakotay to hear what they were saying, but from her body language and the way she was interacting with her teammates, she seemed to be enjoying herself.

Bel suddenly stepped beside him to rummage through one of her bags, and he started a little guiltily. “Having fun?” She asked, a bit distractedly as she moved contents around inside the bag.

“I really am,” Chakotay replied, smiling. “Thanks for letting us join you for this.”

She grinned. “You’re welcome. You’re actually not as cumbersome as I expected,” she threw with a wink.

“Bel,” Chakotay started curiously as he reached for a bottle of water, ignoring her quip. “When you first came on Voyager, you were surprised to find me aboard. Why? You knew I was part of her crew.” He had been too surprised to register this at first, but now that he had recovered, he couldn’t help but wonder. Because while he had had no idea that Bel was the head of the Ardok project and therefore that she would be coming aboard, Bel on the other hand had known that Chakotay had been stuck in the Delta Quadrant with the rest of the Voyager crew. They had kept in touch but sparsely over the years, but she had been one of the recipients of a short message once Voyager was able to send mail to the Alpha Quadrant, just to let her know he was alive and well. So why the surprise?

She shrugged but didn’t stop her searching. “You’ve never struck me as someone who stays still for very long. I figured that, now that you were back in the Alpha Quadrant, you would have moved on again.”

Chakotay frowned. “I’ve never considered myself fickle or afraid of commitment.”

She stopped her rummaging to give him a look. “That’s not what I mean.” She shrugged. “It just doesn’t seem to me like you’ve quite found your path yet.”

Chakotay’s frown turned curious. “What makes you say that?”

“You’ve always had this restlessness about you, Chakotay. Despite your calm exterior I think, inside, you’ve always been… pacing. When I first met you, you’d just left your home, where by your own account you’d always felt discontent. Then, you got restless again and left to join the Maquis. And then…”

“I was flung to the Delta Quadrant. But I found peace on Voyager, Bel. I think I found _myself_.”

She nodded, her eyes meeting his again. “I believe you. I see it, how you’ve changed. How much happier, at peace, you seem now. But I think,” she paused as her gaze slid over her shoulder to where Kathryn’s team was surveying in the distance, “you started pacing for a different reason then. Am I wrong?”

Chakotay followed her gaze and settled on Kathryn again, then let out a slow sigh. Was he really that obvious? His mouth twitched into a smile before he bit it back and returned his gaze to Bel. “No.”

She nodded, smiling knowingly. “And now you’re back in the Alpha Quadrant, in Starfleet, and…still, you pace. Waiting for something to change. But I’ve learned the hard way that sometimes, Chakotay, you have to _make_ change happen.” She let out a triumphant huff when she found what she’d been looking for. “Food for thought,” she added with a quick raise of her eyebrows as she moved past him.

Chakotay found himself smiling. “When did you get to know me so well?”

She turned back to face him. “The day after you left, I think. I spent a lot of time trying to explain to myself what had been going on in your head. Not to brag, but I think I nailed it.”

Chakotay’s smile faded, despite her joking tone. “I _am_ sorry I left the way I did,” he replied before he walked to meet up with her.

“I know,” she said after a moment of studying his face. “But it’s not all on you, you know. I could have been a better friend and make you talk to me. I could have made sure that you knew I supported your decision.”

Chakotay’s smile returned slowly as he studied her. He had been wrong before – she _had_ changed; she had grown wiser, and possibly, kinder. “And when did _you_ get so wise?” He asked her teasingly.

She gave him a mock frown. “Me? Wise? You take that back.”

Chakotay grinned as they returned to work.

oooOooo

B’Elanna took a break from working with Harry – although in actuality, it was more like she wanted to give _him_ a break from her. After about an hour spent arguing and shutting down all of his ideas about ways to deflect potential asteroids and other space debris from the planet’s surface, he had suggested with unfeigned frustration that maybe she should go take a walk or something. That’s when she’d realized how awful she had been, dumping her bad mood on him. So she had deflated, and agreed that a break might do her some good.

She decided to go check on Miral in the nursery. She hadn’t heard from the personnel in oh, several hours, and she found that strangely suspicious. When she got there she stopped at the entrance, surprised by the sight that greeted her. Miral was sitting happily on the floor, surrounded with toys, with Naomi Wildman lying on her stomach in front of her, ankles crossed, entertaining her.

B’Elanna found herself smiling, annoyed to find tears once again prick her eyes. She was tempted to leave, but then she decided otherwise and leaned her shoulder against the doorframe, crossing her arms over her chest. Naomi was singing a nursery rhyme while waving two little stuffed animals around, as if they were the ones singing. Miral was chewing on her fist, her brown eyes keenly following the animals around, her face cracking up into wide, toothless smiles.

“If I may be so bold, Lieutenant, your daughter is absolutely precious.” B’Elanna startled to find Ensign Samantha Wildman suddenly standing next to her.

B’Elanna smiled at her, then nodded toward the two children. “So is yours. I don’t know many seven-year-olds who’d spend their afternoon playing with a baby.” She frowned. “Well, actually, I don’t know any other seven-year-olds, so I don’t have a clue,” she added with a chuckle.

Samantha grinned, her pride reflected in her eyes.

“How did you do it?” B’Elanna asked after a beat. “A single mother on this ship…?” B’Elanna shook her head. She had never considered that to be a feat to be admired before now.

Sam shrugged slightly. “Just took it one day at a time, I suppose. And I had Neelix to help. He was fantastic with her. And Naomi always loved spending time with Seven of Nine.”

B’Elanna nodded, returning her gaze to the kids. Naomi was now singing and tickling Miral’s tummy in turn, making her squeal in delight. “She must miss Neelix.”

Sam nodded. “We all do. But my point is that…Well, you know what they say: it takes a village to raise a child. I couldn’t have done it without asking for help. Or _letting_ others help.”

B’Elanna nodded, letting those words sink in. Neither of these two things came naturally to her. But maybe it was time she made an effort. And tried to let go of her pride.

Samantha smiled again, briefly touching her shoulder. “Have a good day, Lieutenant,” she said before she turned to the kids again. “Naomi,” she called gently, “time to go.”

Naomi smiled and nodded. She quickly sat up, kissed the top of Miral’s head sweetly, then rushed to her mother, skipping happily. B’Elanna watched her go with a smile, then, with a nod at one of the staffers, moved in to sit in the same spot. She’d need to get back to work soon, but a few minutes with Miral wouldn’t hurt. She leaned in to kiss Miral’s head first, then took up the stuffed animals again.

Miral made a sound, as if she’d recognized her, and smiled.

“ _Now_ you’re in a good mood?” B’Elanna drawled softly before she swallowed her pride, and started singing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In one of my quarantine procrastination fits, I drew a little " sketch map" of the Ardok island. I am not an artist, so this is very basic, but it might help for the next couple of chapters to see how I imagined the landscape and where things are located in relation to each other!


	4. Praised Be the Silent Past

“Apparently they spent almost 40 years perfecting the shielding system, gathering enough resources and dilithium,” Harry was telling Tom from where his stood at his position in ops. Harry had returned to the bridge after B’Elanna had told him she could take care of the final touches on their plans. Tom was glad for the company, the other bridge officers had been a little too quiet and it had made him sleepy. “I mean can you imagine? Some of the people who started the project aren’t even alive anymore.”

Tom started shaking his head in response, but suddenly the arguing voices of the three representatives coming from the adjacent briefing room got so loud, everyone on the bridge turned to look at the closed door. Harry trailed off to exchange an incredulous look with Tom. In all appearances, Tuvok’s attempts to ‘reason’ with the colony representatives did not seem to be going well for him. Tom could imagine all too well his annoyed expression right now. Tuvok might not show much emotions, but impatience and annoyance, he obviously had no problem with.

“Maybe we should contact the captain,” Harry suggested when the voices got particularly loud again. “No offense to Commander Tuvok, but diplomacy is not exactly his strong suit,” he said more quietly, as if afraid that the walls had ears.

“I do not understand why these people are refusing to leave,” Seven added with a puzzled shake of the head. “Commander Tuvok has shown much more patience with these… representatives than I would have, were our positions reversed.” She had also returned from her assignment in Astrometrics a while back to tell Tom to watch out for a number of large space objects from the debris rings that were at risk of being pulled in their direction by the gravity of Gianfar 6. She was now monitoring them from her console, behind the captain’s chair. “Given their ungratefulness, I would rather be inclined to leave them all to fend with the danger on their own,” she added, frustrated.

“Then it is a good thing that the decision falls on me, and not on you,” Tuvok suddenly said as he exited the briefing room, and paused as the door slid closed behind him. “How is the evacuation proceeding?” He asked as he crossed the bridge toward the ready room.

“Good so far, we only have about fifty people left to transport, that’s excluding the 250 who are refusing to leave,” Harry replied. “Half of the evacuees are onboard their shuttles already.”

Tuvok nodded. “Thank you. As you were,” he said, turning to resume his way to the ready room.

There was a sudden beeping sound coming from Seven’s console and Tom swiveled in his chair to glance at her.

“Captain!” Seven stopped Tuvok before he went through. “Two of the largest asteroids from the debris field we have been monitoring have altered their trajectories and are now headed for the planet’s surface. Their speed is increasing as the gravitational pull extends.”

Tuvok came back and settled into his chair. “Yellow alert. Arm torpedoes. Let us attempt to break them into smaller, more manageable fragments. Fire when ready. We cannot let those asteroids make it to the planet’s atmosphere.”

“Aye Captain.”

Tom maneuvered Voyager to an optimal position, and about a minute after Tuvok had given the command to fire, the two photon torpedoes hit their respective targets, breaking the asteroids apart before they had come nowhere near Voyager, or the planet.

“I confirm, Captain: our torpedoes have hit their targets,” Harry confirmed with a relieved smile.

Tuvok nodded.

Tom suddenly frowned curiously when he thought he heard a thrashing sound coming from the briefing room. As if someone (or multiple people) were pounding their fists against the door. Tom had almost forgotten the representatives were still in there. He looked back at the briefing room door, then at Tuvok, puzzled. “What the hell…?”

Tuvok acknowledged his question with a raised eyebrow, but continued to look ahead. “I came to the conclusion that the logical solution to the settlements’ dispute is to have the representatives remain in one room for an indeterminate amount of time, without the option of getting out,” Tuvok explained. Tom raised his eyebrows in surprise and let out a bark of laughter. “They will have no choice but to listen to each other. Eventually.”

“You locked them up in there?” Harry asked, halfway between impressed and disapproving.

Tuvok glanced at him. “Only until they are willing to act rationally.”

Tom pursed his lips to stifle another laugh. He never thought Tuvok would be able to surprise him, but there it was.

“Meanwhile,” Tuvok went on, “we will attempt to sway the rest of the population who are resisting evacuation. Even though we have destroyed those two objects, it is likely that more will be on the way.”

Seven was still staring at him, eyebrows raised, impressed, and Tom exchanged a look with Harry, then slowly swiveled back to his screen.

oooOooo

“I think we’re done with this section!” Frederik Weinberg declared in satisfaction. Kathryn checked the time. It had been a couple of hours since her team had started the survey, and she was surprised to see how quickly time had flown by, she had been so focused on learning and the work and asking questions.

“What’s next?” She asked. She was enjoying this, more than she had anticipated. She could see why Chakotay took pleasure in it – as a scientist, she certainly appreciated the sense of discovery and curiosity that propelled this kind of work. The thought made her glance at Chakotay’s team, who was working near the central plaza area of the site.

He seemed in his element here.

There was something in his expression, something akin to contentment, that hadn’t been there before. It made her wonder if he’d been more serious than she had given him credit for, those times he’d told her he had a passion for this. She had always half-dismissed those conversations as a “what-if” kind of game they played when they were in the Delta Quadrant, in which they would speculate about what else they could be doing if they weren’t stranded or in Starfleet. She’d taken his “I’d teach anthropology” or “I’d start over as an archaeologist” with the same levity as when she told him she’d be a professional tennis player, or an orchestra conductor. Because in her mind there was nothing else she would rather be doing than be a Starfleet officer. It hadn’t occurred to her at the time that he, on the other hand, actually might.

“Time to get ready to survey the tunnel over there,” Weinberg replied, pulling her out of her reverie, as he pointed to a part closer downhill to the coast, where one vein of the mountain stretched out above ground like a tree root. “We’ll need to set up the anti-gravity generators first, as a safety precaution. Captain, would you care to help Tibeya set them up? I believe you were curious about them before,” he added, more as a question than a statement.

Kathryn smiled; it hadn’t taken long before Weinberg had come face to face with Kathryn’s scientific curiosity, and apparently appreciate it. She gestured for Tibeya to walk ahead of her. “Lead the way, Tibeya!” 

Kathryn had endeavored to draw out the young woman a little bit more as they had worked together over the last couple of hours, and she felt that they were establishing a rapport at last. Tibeya was still serious and reserved, but Kathryn had seen the ghost of a smile touch her lips a couple of times. That had to be progress! She’d also succeeded in drawing her out by asking her about her planet and her family. It had worked, and the discussion had been much more informative than Seven’s bullet-point assessment of the Maradib’s key characteristics. And here was another good opportunity to sustain the rapport. “Dr. Bianchi said very few Maradib leave the planet to attend a Federation University,” she said. “You must be very brave to do it, all on your own.”

“Thank you,” Tibeya replied after a moment. “But you mistake absence of choice for bravery.”

Kathryn frowned. “Are you saying it wasn’t your choice to leave?”

Tibeya shook her head. “You misunderstand. I chose to leave, but other options were limited to me.”

Kathryn’s frowned deepened. “But, why? I thought the others were giving you the cold shoulder _because_ you left.”

“No. Their dislike predates my departure.” She glanced at Kathryn. “It is, as you humans say, complicated, Captain.”

She was distracted from the conversation when they arrived at the tunnel entrance, their arms full of the bulky anti-gravity generators. Kathryn’s eyes widened in wonder as they moved deeper in. She turned on her wrist flashlight. The tunnel walls were as intricately carved and decorated as the structures outside, from the paved, mosaic-type, floors to the arches and vaults that supported the ceiling. It was as beautiful as it was impressive. The Ardokians had even inlaid sparkling stones or shining bits of metal into swirling and geometric designs, assumedly replicating the night sky and making the whole tunnel look like it was sparkling with starlight.

Eventually Tibeya stopped and they started setting up the generators at different locations along the tunnel walls, angling them so that the field generated would create a kind of force shield in that space between their heads and the ceiling. Just when Tibeya was crouching down to set up the final device, her head snapped up suddenly, as if she’d heard something.

“What?” Kathryn asked. She hadn’t heard anything unusual, but Tibeya’s expression sent all of her senses on alert.

“There’s… someone down there. Stay here, Captain!” She said before she darted off deeper into the tunnel.

It took a millisecond for Kathryn to consider her options, then deciding that getting separated was always a bad idea, she rushed after her, grabbing her phaser, just in case. Tibeya threw her a brief look of dismay when Kathryn caught up to her, but she didn’t say anything and gestured her to be quiet. They skidded to a surprised halt when they turned a corner and suddenly came face to face with a Maradib woman Kathryn had never seen before. For a split second the two parties stared at each other, assessing. This woman was definitely not part of the delegation who had greeted them.

“You disgrace this sacred earth, Mindreaper!” She hissed menacingly at Tibeya, her voice filled with a hatred that threw Kathryn off guard, her lips pulled back over her teeth threateningly. And then, before they could reply or say anything, the woman straightened, and jerked up her head in a defiant gesture. “Praised be the Silent Past!” She said, like a battle cry, her dark eyes suddenly bright with fanatic glee. As she spoke, the woman pulled some pulsing device from her tunic, then let it drop, making it roll on the ground in Kathryn’s and Tibeya’s direction. 

This happened so fast that when Kathryn realized the device was some kind of explosive, it was already too late to stop it. Tibeya came to the same conclusion and grabbed her arm to pull her running back the way they had come. A moment later the detonation brightened the tunnel behind them with an eerie blue light and the mountain groaned and shook, rocks tumbling down around them, cracking the vaults and arches above and the ground below with a deafening rumble. The shockwave caught up to them after what felt like an eternity (but really was just a second or two) and, without warning, the ground gave out from under them, just as they were coming back to the entrance. And then Kathryn’s heart rose in her throat when she realized her feet were not touching the ground anymore, and she was freefalling.

Just when she realized she might be plunging to her death, her mind raced with a hundred thoughts of Voyager and Chakotay and her family, before she crashed feet first into freezing-cold water. The shock from being submerged in frigid water triggered Kathryn’s instinct to gasp, but that was a mistake. She panicked when she inhaled a mouthful of seawater instead of air, frantically kicking her legs to swim to the surface. But giant boulders kept crashing into the water all around her, creating a strong undercurrent that sucked her downward, no matter how much she kicked her legs.

And then someone grabbed her hand.

oooOooo

Chakotay heard the sudden low rumble just as the ground and their equipment started shaking around them, as if in an earthquake.

“What’s that?” Chakotay asked as he felt the vibrations around them and under his feet. He exchanged a look with Belinda, before his eyes travelled to where the survey team had been a few moments before. Lieutenant Pol and Frederik Weinberg yelled something to them, gesturing widely, the words lost in the wind, before they dashed away and outside Chakotay’s field of vision, running downhill toward the coast. To where Kathryn and Tibeya had been headed.

“It sounded like a landslide. Or-”

“A tunnel collapse,” Chakotay finished with a sudden sickening sense of foreboding. Without waiting to see if Bel was following, Chakotay took off running toward the coast, following in Weinberg and Pol’s wake. At some point he became aware that Lieutenant Nolan was running along with him. 

They skidded to a halt when they reached the others, standing at the edge of the cliff, watching in dismay as the last of boulders and chunks of earth rolled down the cliff and splashed into the ocean. Where there used to be a rocky crest extending from the mountain like an aboveground root, was now only turbulent ocean. A part of the island, and the mountain itself, had just… vanished into the water, leaving behind a jagged, sheared cliff, clouds of dirt, and turbulent, bubbly ocean waves below.

And there was no sign of Kathryn anywhere.

This couldn’t be happening.

Chakotay stepped closer to the edge of the cliff, his breathing constricted in his lungs from sheer panic, scanning the ocean for anyone resurfacing among the waves. It was a fifty-feet drop from where they stood to the water, and he was vaguely aware of someone holding him back by the elbow, as if afraid that he would jump.

Chakotay hit his combage. “Captain, do you hear me?” He waited anxiously for several seconds. He hit it again. “Kathryn, if you can hear me, _please_ respond.”

Nothing.

“I’ll see if I can find their life signals,” Nolan said as he moved around with a tricorder.

Chakotay fought hard to keep his panic under control. “You’re sure this is where they were headed?” He asked Weinberg as he looked for a way to get down to the water. Maybe if he could get down there, he could-

“Yes,” came Weinberg’s soft, shocked, reply. “Captain Janeway and Tibeya were in the tunnel when this whole section of the island collapsed.”

Lieutenant Pol raked his fingers into his hair. “I should have gone with her – it was my job to stay with her – maybe I could have-”

Chakotay was too busy controlling his panic to be able to offer any comfort to the young lieutenant, despite the fact that clearly he couldn’t have foreseen this.

“Wait-” Lieutenant Nolan interrupted as he stared at his tricorder. “I’m detecting some kind of residual energy signal. I don’t think this landslide was an accident.”

“What are you talking about?” Bel asked breathlessly from behind Chakotay. He realized then that she was the one holding on to his arm. She let go when Chakotay took a step back from the edge.

Nolan licked his lips nervously as he stared at his tricorder even harder. “Readings indicate that there was an energy discharge nearby. I’m guessing that whatever it was is what caused this part of the island to collapse. With the cave and tunnel system, this area would have been susceptible to collapsing.”

His mind flooding with harrowing images of Kathryn dead, drifting in the ocean or crushed under a quarter of a mountain, Chakotay almost missed when the Maradib delegation caught up with them, shouting to each other. Behind them the rest of the students followed. Chakotay didn’t waste a second before bridging the distance with Lyat’ib and grabbing him by the collar. “Is this you? Did you do this? Did you-” He found himself unable to complete the sentence, choking on a lump in his throat. He’d been about to say “kill them.”

“Chakotay, stop,” Bel interfered, coming to stand between them. “It’s not him, they’ve come to help, look.”

Chakotay glanced away from Lyat’ib’s face and noticed that three of the Maradib were hurriedly removing some of their clothing before they ran to the edge and sprang, diving head first into the ocean far below. Chakotay stared at them as if they were crazy to be diving from this altitude, but somewhere in his mind he remembered Seven’s description of their physical prowess and affinity with water.

Chakotay let go of his hold and Lyat’ib’s straightened his tunic before the councilor grabbed the handheld scanner the other Maradib was handing to him. “Dr. Bianchi is correct – this was not our doing. But we will help, if we can.” He focused on the scanner in his hand, swiveling around a couple of times. Chakotay felt useless, and he found himself raking his fingers through his hair as he moved from watching the divers break the water surface and dive again, to looking at Nolan and Lyat’ib, scanning.

“My scanner detects something,” Lyat’ib announced suddenly, and Chakotay’s heart leapt. Lyat’ib swiveled around a few times, trying to pinpoint where the signal was coming from.

“What is it?” Chakotay asked, heart thundering in his chest.

“Life signals. Two of them. This way. Come.”

ooooOoooo

Kathryn thought she might burst from holding her breath for so long, but Tibeya’s powerful leg strokes were unrelenting as she pulled her with a tight handgrip on her wrist. Kathryn swam as hard as she could to not be too much of a drag, but her human legs were definitely not as adept as the Maradib’s. 

Just when Kathryn thought she might actually faint – or give in to her lungs’ need to inhale – Tibeya swam them upward and they broke the surface at last. Kathryn gulped in several lungfuls of air, spitting water and coughing in turn. The young Maradib had somehow brought her inside a large natural cave partially submerged in water. They quickly made their way to the rocky edge.

“Why did you bring me here?” Kathryn sputtered, breathless, as she pulled herself up to the edge. Her muscles were shaking from the swim and her body was numb from being in the chilly water. When she came in contact with the cool air of the cave, she shivered in her wet, cold, uniform. She wiped her face and pushed back wet strands of hair from her face before she twisted extra water from her jacket. Angry scratches on her legs, hips and palms stung and tingled from the salt water. She didn’t remember how she got them, but she figured she must have tried to hold on to something when the ground had collapsed from under her.

“We had to get away from the landslide,” Tibeya answered as she led Kathryn across the slippery stones, then started leading the way further into the cave. “It was safer to come here. We will reach the surface through this shaft.” Tibeya pointed to the back of the chamber, where the cave opened into a natural tunnel just wide enough for one person to slip through sideways. Not wasting any time and still dripping wet, they went in.

“Tibeya, what the hell is going on? Who was that woman?” Kathryn asked. She had started shivering uncontrollably and her hands and legs were numb, so she rubbed her palms on her thighs in an effort to stimulate circulation. It had only been a few minutes and she was already showing signs of mild hypothermia, and that was not good. Especially as mild could deteriorate into severe relatively fast. She had to do what she could to stay warm and focused. And awake.

Tibeya merely shook her head.

“You knew something was about to happen,” Kathryn pressed. She suddenly tripped, as if her foot hadn’t gone as high as her brain had wanted it to, and she stumbled. Luckily Tibeya caught her with a hand on her arm and helped straightening her up.

“I heard her intentions,” she explained quietly as she gave Kathryn a concerned, assessing look. Contrary to Kathryn, she didn’t seem to be bothered by the cold, despite the fact that her skin was as cold as and she was just as wet. “She meant to bring the explosive device into Ardok. I wanted to stop her. I do not believe she meant to detonate it in the tunnel, we caught her by surprise. I am sorry for putting you in danger, Captain.”

Kathryn nodded. She kept a hand on the cave wall as she would on a staircase handrail, in case she stumbled again. “You _heard_ her?”

Tibeya nodded. “My species are mindwalkers – that is, we have the ability to walk into each other’s mind, if you remember.” Telepathy. Right. “However my ability is… defective.”

“Defective? How do you mean?” Kathryn asked.

Tibeya threw her a look over her shoulder. “My people call those like me mindreapers. We always hear. Even when we do not wish to – and that is considered a serious offense, a violation of privacy and, in my case, of my social status. But more than that, mindreapers can take thoughts from others – erase them from their minds. Among the Maradib, mindwalking is a privilege reserved for members of the high-ranked families only, and is strictly prohibited in the lower castes. But mindreaping,” she shook her head, “that is strictly forbidden, no matter the caste. It is one of the most grievous of offenses. To reap a though from someone’s mind is a pervasion of our abilities.” Tibeya seemed actually scared of her gift, as if she dreaded punishment for something that was clearly beyond her control. It certainly explained why she didn’t seem welcome among her people.

Kathryn nodded slowly, trying to wrap her head around this. She couldn’t imagine hearing anyone’s thoughts all the time, it must be exhausting! “Can you tune them out?” She asked, hoping her question wasn’t insensitive.

Tibeya gave a hesitant nod. “With training, but only those who train with a master are able to do so all the time. I can manage to “tune out,” as you say, in short bursts, but it requires much of my focus. Needless to say, I did not anticipate to encounter Maradib in the tunnel when we went inside, so I let my guard down. We do not mindwalk with other species,” she added, preempting Kathryn’s next question.

“Okay, so you heard her intentions to create an explosion at the site. But why would she do that?” Kathryn asked, her shivering making her voice shake.

Tibeya shook her head. Kathryn couldn’t tell if she was shaking her head because she didn’t know or because she didn’t want to say. “Your communication device, are you able to alert the others?” She asked instead.

Kathryn gasped. Why hadn’t she thought about it before? Her brain was getting as numb as the rest of her. She pressed her combadge. “Chakotay, come in?” Her words sounded slurred to her ears.

Nothing.

Kathryn tried again, and then tried the security officers, but to no avail. Either they were out of range, or the combadge had been damaged from being submerged in saltwater for too long. Kathryn pushed back her concern for the others to the back of her mind. Chakotay and Bel were resourceful, they would find a way to stay safe.

Kathryn knew she had about a million more questions, but the more time passed, the harder she found it to focus, and the questions seemed to fade to the back of her mind.

“We are almost there,” Tibeya announced eventually, after what felt like hours of walking in the cold darkness of the underground cave system – though in reality it couldn’t have been more than half an hour. “This path connects with the artificial tunnels of the Ardokians. Soon you will be warm again.”

“Good. That’s good,” Kathryn replied, her teeth clattering uncontrollably. She had her arms around herself, and her hands under her armpits, in an attempt to retain what little was left of her body heat. She had the distinct impression that it wasn’t working.

Kathryn actually collided with Tibeya’s back when she stopped suddenly. “No!” Tibeya let out in frustration, the first real feeling she had expressed so strongly since Kathryn had met her.

“What? What’s going on?” Kathryn managed to ask through gritted teeth, not quite seeing anything in the dark tunnel ahead and too cold to remove her arms from around herself to use her flashlight.

“The path is blocked. This cave-in must have happened at the time of the explosion. I am sorry, Captain.”

“Is there another tunnel we could take? Another way to make it to the surface?”

“No. This is the only one that I know of for sure. Risking another tunnel would be risking getting lost in this maze. I do not think we can afford the risk,” she added with a concerned look in Kathryn’s direction.

“It’s too bad we left those anti-gravity generators behind, huh?” Kathryn commented, mostly to herself.

Suddenly Tibeya gasped, raising her hand for Kathryn to be quiet. Her eyes widened. “There are other Maradib, on the other side.”

Kathryn joined her. “Friendly?” She asked as she blew into her hands, then rubbed them together.

“I cannot tell. They are still far, but they are coming this way.”

“Can you tell them we’re here?”

“You were not listening before. Punishment for uninvited mindwalking is exceedingly severe, Captain – if those on the other side chose to punish me for it, it could cost me my life.”

Kathryn swallowed her slight annoyance at the fear in her voice – Tibeya had probably saved her life after all. And instead approached the rubble, and started yelling.


	5. A Split Second

Tom was carefully adjusting Voyager’s course when Harry spoke up again. “I’m getting reports that the colony’s shield is taking heavy hits from the smaller meteorites, but so far it’s holding, at 49%. The scientists are not sure how long it’s going to last if this keeps up, though,” Harry reported.

“Lieutenants!” Seven’s urgent tone drew both Tom’s and Harry’s attention. “I believe we may have a bigger problem. Better get Commander Tuvok.”

Tuvok had returned to the negotiations in the briefing room a few minutes before, when it looked like the crew had things under control. There were no more loud arguments coming from the room anymore – it very much looked like Tuvok’s little time-out had worked. Harry called the commander over the comms, and, a second later, Tuvok stepped onto the bridge again, this time with the three representatives hot on his heels. As if afraid that he would lock them up again if they didn’t stick to his back.

Seven gave her update. “It looks as though the destruction of one of the two asteroids has left some large pieces still traveling toward the colony, at an increased velocity – two fragments in particular are worrisome. They are large enough to cause severe damage, even if the colony shields were working at maximum capacity, which they are not. I hypothesize that the photon blast propelled them at an even faster speed than before. For some reasons, our sensors were blind to them until now, most likely because of radiation interference from the blasts.”

“How much time before impact?” Tuvok asked. The three representatives now looked duly frightened as they exchanged worried glances and spoke to each other in hushed tones.

“ETA is seven minutes for the smaller of the two objects. Twelve minutes for the larger, more dangerous one.”

Tuvok nodded as he went to sit into the captain’s chair. “Bridge to transporter room. Have all the colonists been evacuated?”

“Negative, sir. New people keep flowing in. I’d say we still have about fifty to go.” It looked like some of the recalcitrant were starting to see past their paranoia after all!

One of the representatives stepped up. “Please, you must evacuate them faster! You must get them all off the planet!”

Tuvok cast them a look resembling a glare before he returned his gaze forward. “We have five minutes to evacuate the rest of the colonists,” he instructed the transporter technicians through his combadge. “I suggest you increase the range of the transporters to accommodate for more individuals at once.”

“Yes sir, we’ll do what we can.”

“Can we target the incoming fragments?” Harry asked. “Like we did before?”

Tom shook his head. “We can try, but they’re moving awfully fast now. However if we use a quick burst of the warp core, we _might_ be able to gather enough speed to intercept them with Voyager itself, now that they’re smaller.”

Tuvok nodded. “Do it, Mr. Paris. Shields at maximum.” He activated his combadge. “All personnel, brace for impact.”

“Captain,” Seven interjected. “I do not recommend using the ship’s shields to deflect the second fragments. We might be able to collision with the first fragment and come out unscathed, but the second one is much too large. No matter how much power to the shields we might be able to draw, Voyager would not survive such a direct encounter.”

“What is your recommendation?” Tuvok asked Seven.

“Do as you suggested for the first object: place us into position to intercept but use torpedoes to break it into smaller parts first. If it fails, we will have under thirty seconds to brace for impact.”

“What about the second fragment?” Harry asked, worried.

Seven opened her mouth to speak, but then closed it again, frowning. She shook her head.

“Very well. Mr. Paris, get us into position to intercept the first object and get ready to fire torpedoes as soon as we come out of warp.”

“In the meantime, I suggest we come up with a viable solution for the second asteroid fragment quickly.”

oooOooo

B’Elanna was monitoring the chatter from her position in Engineering, half listening as she focused on her job and keeping up with the commands coming from the bridge.

“Come on people, we need those torpedoes armed and ready in two minutes!” She ordered, making sure that every member of her staff was working at peak efficiency. All the while, her mind raced to come up with a solution to the problem of the second fragment. She was about to bellow another order, when – of course – the gravity plates decided to act up again, just when the last thing they needed was something else to worry about. She activated her magnetic boots and touched down with a thud. If only they could use gravity to…

B’Elanna gasped, then hit her combadge. “Torres to the bridge.”

“Do not concern yourself with the gravity plates for the moment, Lieutenant,” Tuvok replied, his voice strained.

B’Elanna shook her head. “No, I think I have an idea on how to deal with that larger asteroid fragment. Seven, how big is this thing?”

“About 15 meters in diameter.”

B’Elanna nodded to herself, making the calculations in her head. It might actually work. “If I can make this work, we’re going to stop the fragment from hitting us _and_ the planet. But,” she paused to breathe, “you probably won’t like it.”

“What are you suggesting Lieutenant?”

“We’re going to beam that object into Cargo Bay 1.”

oooOooo

“Are you certain they’re down here?” Chakotay asked as they followed Lyat’ib through one of the few tunnels still standing in Ardok.

“Yes.” He showed him the scanner for good measure, hearing the suspicion in Chakotay’s tone. With everything that was happening, he wasn’t entirely sure who to trust. Lyat’ib seemed to be a safe bet, but Chakotay had been fooled many times before. He was determined not to let this be one of those times.

Eventually they turned a corner, and stopped when they realized a cave-in kept them from going any further. Chakotay was about to ask about another way around, when he heard… voices. Shouting.

Coming from the other side of the rubble.

His heart suddenly sprinting to a drumming rhythm in his chest, Chakotay rushed to the pile of rocks and hit his combadge. “Captain!” He and the others started peeling some of stones away, but it soon became clear that they wouldn’t be able to get through it all by hand.

“Chakotay!” Her voice replied in relief through the combadge. “Good, this thing is working. I guess we were out of range before,” she reflected out loud. “Tibeya and I are stuck. A Maradib woman detonated some kind of explosive device. The tunnel collapsed and we went for a quick swim in the ocean. Tibeya led us here.”

Chakotay glared at Lyat’ib at this. To his credit, he appeared surprised – and concerned – by the confirmation that this had been foul play. Chakotay returned his attention to Kathryn. “Just hang in there, we’ll find a way to get you out.”

“The anti-gravity generators, Chakotay,” Kathryn instructed him, “we were about to use them in the tunnel we were planning to survey.”

Of course! But… Chakotay exchanged a look with Bel. “I’m afraid that tunnel is gone.”

Tibeya chimed in. “What the captain means is that we did not take all of the devices, there should be two remaining at the site.”

Chakotay nodded, then quickly dispatched Lieutenant Pol, T’Dil, and Weinberg to the site to get the remaining anti-gravity generators, and anything else that might be of use. Then he turned to Lieutenant Nolan, Bel and Carbonneau and sent them to get medical supplies from the campsite. Lyat’ib told them he would retrieve his divers from the ocean, and then they would come to help.

Chakotay pulled the two lieutenants aside to remind them to be careful, to remember their training, and to not let the scientists out of their sights. They nodded with brave resolve. Chakotay patted their shoulders before sending them on their way.

“What about you?” Bel asked Chakotay before she left.

“I’m staying here,” he said, his tone brooking no discussion. There was no way in hell he would leave this spot until Kathryn could leave too.

She squeezed his arm in understanding, then hurried to catch up with the others.

oooOooo

Tom focused on his screen. The latest zero-g malfunction made it awkward to focus, but there wasn’t much he could do about that except use his soles to ground him and keep him in his seat. They were about ready to come out of warp, in position to fire on the first of the two asteroid fragments heading their way.

“Coming out of warp in 3, 2, 1.” The first of the asteroid fragments was coming right at them on the screen, awfully quickly.   
“Arming torpedoes”

“Fire! Brace for impact.”

The torpedoes exploded just a couple of kilometers in front of them, blinding everyone with the blast. Tom raised his arm to shield his eyes on instinct. And then a second later, the shockwave and thousands of smaller bits from the object impacted the shields, rocking the ship violently. Though Tom had his magnetic soles activated, grounding him to the floor, he still grabbed his console with both hands to stay in his seat while Voyager’s shields disintegrated any fragments that came into contact with them.

“Shields are holding at 78%!”

“The torpedoes have completely obliterated the first object,” Seven confirmed, relieved.

“That leaves the second asteroid fragments. Lieutenant Torres, report,” Tuvok said. His voice had lost its monotone and now sounded strained.

“I’m almost there!”

B’Elanna’s plan of transporting the asteroid into the cargo bay was pretty crazy, even for B’Elanna, but it was their best shot at saving everyone – Voyager and the colony. They’d cleared the cargo bay and now the plan was first to actually _maintain_ zero-g throughout the ship, The asteroid was massive, but luckily, in a zero-gravity environment, mass was unimportant. Maintaining zero-gravity would keep the object from crashing through the floors of Voyager. Then they had to modify the transporters to energize the asteroid directly inside the cargo bay itself. The key was to make sure that it would stop moving once inside; one way of dealing with that was to match its velocity, which was where Tom came in, and B’Elanna was working on a targeted force field that would contain the asteroid within the center of the room, keeping it from crashing against the walls. Once stabilized, they could then deploy it back into space safely away from the planet, at a much slower velocity.

Easy as pie.

“I’m done adjusting the gravity plates to ensure that the zero-gravity is maintained long enough for this to work, and the transporter technicians are ready. I’m now finishing up on the force field that will contain the asteroid once we have it in the room.”

“Understood. Time until impact is 3 minutes.”

oooOooo

Now on his own on this side of the rubble, Chakotay turned to the cave-in again, assessing. Then he resumed dismantling the pile of rocks, pulling some of the lighter ones out of the way. His efforts made little change, but it gave him purpose. Something to focus on. “Hang in there, they’ll be back with the devices soon.”

“Good. It’s getting awfully chilly in here.”

That gave him pause. He suddenly noticed just how much Kathryn’s voice was shaking, as if her body was racked by uncontrollable shivers. Earlier he had attributed it to distortions in the signal, but her words suggested otherwise. “Captain, what’s your condition?” He asked, sudden dread tightening his stomach.

“I’m soaked through, Chakotay.”

She didn’t need to say anymore for Chakotay to understand what she was really saying: she was hypothermic from her plunge in the ocean. Chakotay rubbed his upper lip, his dread increasing tenfold. “Tibeya?”

“Maradib do not suffer from the cold,” Tibeya replied, sounding a little nonplussed by the fact that humans did.

Chakotay nodded, he would take all the good news he could get. “Good. Captain, do you still have your phaser?”

“Negative, I must have dropped it when the tunnel collapsed.”

Chakotay nodded. “Tibeya, you’re familiar with this place, is there anything you can use as source of warmth on your side? Anything to start a fire with? The captain needs to warm up. Quickly.”

“I will see what I can find. There is moss in the caves that I could use as tinder. I will return shortly. Stay here, Captain,” Tibeya said.

Chakotay nodded at the exchange, then resumed clearing the rubble with renewed urgency. “Kathryn, talk to me,” he said eventually as he worked, leaving the channel open between them. Keeping her talking was the only way he had to monitor her condition.

There was a moment of silence, and then: “How’s your day so far?” She drawled and Chakotay chuckled in relief. That she was able to joke was a good sign, despite the mild slurring in her speech.

“It has its ups and downs,” he replied in the same tone.

“Mine too.”

“Kathryn,” he went on, more quietly, slowing his movements, “when I saw the site of the explosion, I thought for sure…” His words faltered, as if saying it would resurrect the anguish and the fear he’d felt. He still felt.

“I know. Me too.” She paused, briefly. “There was this moment, this split second, when I believed I was going to die. And you know what went through my mind? I figured out the problem with the damn gravity plates on Voyager,” she drawled, amused in a wry kind of way, despite her voice wavering from her shivering.

Chakotay scoffed a surprised chuckle. Of course she had. “B’Elanna will be relieved to hear that. So is your clean-up crew.”

She gave a quiet laugh, and then there was another pause while Chakotay resumed working on the stones. Some of them were too large to lift, so he quickly looked around for something to use as a lever. He found some kind of beam made of a sturdy, if unidentifiable, material. It would have to do. 

“You know what else I thought about, in that split second when I fell?” Kathryn went on softly, so quietly Chakotay had to pause what he was doing again to hear her words.

“What?”

“You. I thought about you.”

Chakotay closed his eyes, breath catching, thoughts rushing, and emotions soaring. He reached out to lay his hand on the stones, as if he could touch her on the other side.

She went on in the same quiet, vulnerable tone, the crack in her voice both from the shivering and from raw emotion. “And I thought about how devastated I was to never get to see you again. That I would never get the chance to tell you just how much you mean to me, so much more than I ever let on. So much more than I _could_ let on. I regretted not having enough time to take the second chance I was given, now that I knew your relationship with Seven was over. And I regretted not telling you how much I’ve missed you these past few weeks.” He heard her chuckle tiredly, derisively. “And I regretted not ever getting over myself and finding the guts to kiss you, not even once.”

Chakotay couldn’t refrain from letting out a brief, breathless exhale at that last one, torn between joy, hope, fear and pain, his heart thundering wildly in his chest. He’d lost count of the number of times his attraction to her had reared its head over the years, be it in the desire to kiss her or take her in his arms, or let his gaze linger, or just touch her. And that’s not mentioning what his subconscious threw at him when in a dream state. But honestly he’d never dared imagine that _she_ might feel it too, at least not until recently. She had fooled him all too well, and perhaps, he thought, she had fooled herself too, for a while.

He rubbed his face as he let her words sink in, his hope fierce and indomitable, but tangling with his concern and a touch of caution. He had no doubt that she was speaking from the heart, but a part of him – the part of him that was so used to standing on the wrong side of the line she had drawn – remained wary. Out of pure self-preservation. Although Kathryn had never openly acknowledged her physical attraction to him before (this was a first), she had told him things similar to this before, yet nothing had ever changed between them. And he didn’t think his heart would recover if her need for parameters returned this time. So it was safer to prepare for that eventuality than get his hope – and his heart – crushed. The timing of her revelations was telling too – would she have told him any of this if she hadn’t been in a life-threatening situation? Chakotay had the nagging feeling that this was her way of saying goodbye. As if she had it in her mind that she wouldn’t make it. But Chakotay refused to accept that – the others would be back soon and they would get her out of there. And she would be okay.

“Chakotay, are you there?”

He inhaled, trying to swallow the lump lodged in his throat, feeling guilty for being silent for so long when she needed him to be _there_. “Yes. I’m here.” He searched for a way to get her talking again, to awaken that determination of hers. He needed her to stop thinking that she wouldn’t make it. So he went with humor. “That was a mighty long split second,” he said at last, hoping his joking would draw out a reaction.

He could almost hear her tired smirk when she replied. “I think fast. Well, usually,” she slurred quietly. Too quietly. It occurred to him that she might be falling asleep, and that was not good.

“Kathryn,” he said sternly, louder, hoping his voice would keep her from succumbing to sleep. “I know what you’re thinking. Stop it. We _are_ going to get you out of there, but you’ve got to stay awake! Just hold on for a while longer. Stand up and walk around if you can. And soon you’ll be sitting by a warm fire, with a thick blanket around you, pretending that you were delirious when you said all these things. And then we’ll go back to Voyager. And continue on as before.” His goal was to get her to not give up, so he was surprised when her low voice came back utterly serious, raw, even angry.

“Don’t you _dare_ make it easy for me to keep pushing you away, Chakotay. I’ve done that for far too long. You deserve better. So much better.”

Chakotay’s breath caught in his throat, finding it harder and harder to believe that she couldn’t mean any of this, to keep his hope in check. But she was right – he _had_ made it easy for her to push him away, to uphold the line. He had vowed to her that he would always put her needs first, and he had always upheld that promise. He had let her guide his actions, dictate where the line should be, and he had always strived to respect it, pushing his own feelings aside for her sake. Always for her sake. But if she meant what she was saying… His pulse accelerated.

Well, Chakotay told himself as he did his best to quell that dangerous bubbling of emotions, in any case he now had the satisfaction of having succeeded in getting a reaction. And whether it was conscious or not, her words suggested a future tense… That was an improvement.

But then she spoke again. “Chakotay, Tibeya’s back.”

At the same moment that Chakotay let out a sigh of relief, Lieutenant Pol returned with T’Dil and Weinberg as well, carrying the anti-gravity generators as well as a bunch of other equipment Chakotay didn’t inquire about.

“And so is the cavalry,” Chakotay added into his combadge. “Just hold on.” He did his best to push aside her words and his feelings for now, and focus on the task at hand. As Weinberg and T’Dil started working on setting up the generators, arguing a little about how to make it work with only two of the generators, Chakotay instructed Tibeya to make Kathryn stand and force her to walk around to keep her awake, ignoring the sound of Kathryn’s half-hearted complaints.

He and Lieutenant Pol then looked around for something to start a fire with. They considered doing it outside since the sun would still be warm when they pulled them out, but it was too windy to keep a fire going steadily, and Chakotay disliked the thought of being in the open under the circumstances. So they decided on a spot closer to the tunnel entrance, and using Lieutenant Pol’s phaser and grass from outside, they were soon able to get sizeable flames going.

Chakotay’s combadge came to life just when they were feeding the fire. “Commander, come in?” Lieutenant Nolan, whom Chakotay had dispatched to the campsite with with Bel and Carbonneau.

“Go ahead, Lieutenant.”

“Bad news, Commander, it looks like the tunnel wasn’t the only target, the campsite has been destroyed by a second explosive device. Dr. Bianchi is trying to determine if anything is salvageable, but it doesn’t look promising.”

Chakotay exhaled, exchanging a look with Pol, his thoughts going to Bel. She must be devastated. And angry. “Understood. The Flyer?” He asked.

“As far as we can tell it hasn’t been damaged.”

“That’s a relief. Send a communication to Voyager. Appraise them of what’s going on and tell them we’ll rendezvous sooner than expected. Tell them the captain will need medical attention.”

“Yes, sir. How is the captain faring, if I can be so bold to ask?” Chakotay updated him on what he knew so the lieutenant could transmit that information along to Voyager.

“Commander Chakotay,” Weinberg called him back inside the tunnel once he finished the conversation with Nolan, “we’re ready here. Or as ready as could be. For the record, I should point out that we’ve never used those devices in this way before, and that playing with gravity is dangerous business, so I have no idea how this is going to go.”

Chakotay nodded, licking his lips before he stepped closer to the rubble again and got ready. “I understand. You two should move away to a safe distance,” he ordered and they nodded, scurrying away to the cave entrance. He turned to Lieutenant Pol. “Let’s get them out.”

oooOooo

As the Voyager crew started preparing for B’Elanna’s plan to deal with the second, larger asteroid fragment heading their way, Harry looked up from his console, frowning. “Captain, we’re receiving a transmission from… It’s from the Delta Flyer.”

Tuvok gave him a curious glance, almost as if to say ‘now what’? “Let’s hear it.”


	6. Playing With Gravity

Kathryn’s legs buckled under her as Tibeya forced her to walk around, supporting her with one arm around her waist and the other pulling on Kathryn’s arm over her shoulder. Kathryn’s head lolled limply from side to side as she failed to keep herself from dozing on and off. She was so cold. So damn cold. And sleep was summoning her, like a siren call. She so desperately wanted to give in. But then she would hear Chakotay’s voice. No words registered, but the sound of his voice reminded her that she couldn’t give in. Not yet. She had too much to live for.

oooOooo

Hand hovering over the switch to the anti-gravity generators, Chakotay exchanged a look with Lieutenant Pol. “Ready? We’ll have to move fast, we don’t know how long these generators are going to last. This is going to push them beyond their capacity.”

Lieutenant Pol gave a determined nod, licking his lips nervously while he approached the rubble and readied himself. Then Chakotay pressed his combadge. “Tibeya, we’re ready – what’s the captain’s condition?”

“She falls in and out of sleep. She feels very cold.”

Chakotay nodded to himself. “As soon as you see an opening, I’ll need you to take her as close to us as you can, and then get into position yourself. Lieutenant Pol will pull you through.”

“I understand.”

With one last nod to Lieutenant Pol, Chakotay flipped the generators on. There was a humming, vibrating sound, and then the rocks from the rubbles that were caught in the zero-gravity field slowly started rising from the ground, eerily levitating in the air. Chakotay watched anxiously, shifting his gaze between the generators and the rocks, mentally urging the generators to keep going. After what felt like an eternity, the stones finally got high enough above ground for someone to slide through underneath. Tibeya didn’t waste a second. Apparently both she and Kathryn were caught in the zero-g field, but in a way it helped because it allowed Tibeya to simply push and maneuver Kathryn’s hovering body through the opening. As soon as she was close enough to touch, Chakotay reached through and grabbed her arms, then pulled. He winced when her uniform caught in the some of the sharp rocks floating above her.

“Commander!” Lieutenant Pol warned, just as Chakotay noticed the lights flickering on the generators. He pulled harder, hard enough to tear the fabric and cut Kathryn loose, and a second later, she was safely through. Her deadweight made him stumble back when she fell outside the zero-gravity field.

Meanwhile, as soon as Chakotay was out of the way, Lieutenant Pol hurried to reach out for Tibeya. This took a little bit more work since Tibeya didn’t have anyone to push her, but she was able to pull herself into the opening by finding hand holds on the tunnel walls on each side of her. Pol caught her outreached hand and pulled. The generators flickered again, and before Chakotay could react, one of them powered down completely with a disappointed hum. Tibeya was more than halfway through, but she yelled when some of the rocks dropped back to the ground, one of them right on top of her leg, pinning her down. She yelped in pain, her expression panicked as she tried to free herself, but the stone was too heavy to budge. Wordlessly Weinberg and T’Dil rushed back in to help – T’Dil went to reboot the generator while Weinberg went to help Pol, to try to lift the rock long enough for Tibeya to free herself. Chakotay hurried to half-carry half-drag Kathryn until they were closer to the fire at the entrance, then gently let her down to the ground. Then he rushed back to the others and went to grab the lever he’d been using earlier and angled it under the rock. Exchanging a countdown with Pol, he applied as much force as he could, but it wasn’t enough, so Weinberg came to help. Between the two of them, the rock started moving again, and eventually got enough momentum to roll away. As soon as her leg was free, Pol dragged Tibeya out completely. Everyone staggered back, heaving breathlessly from the effort.

And then the second generator flickered and died as well. The debris dropped back down in a deafening roar and a cloud of dust. Chakotay quickly went to check on Tibeya – her ankle was fractured from the crushing weight, but she would be okay. Chakotay ordered Lieutenant Pol to see to her while he took care of Kathryn, who was still lying where he’d left her. Her eyes opened briefly when he crouched over her to feel for her pulse, and Chakotay uttered words of encouragement, not quite registering what he said exactly. He was disheartened to see just how much her condition had deteriorated in the short time it had taken the students to set up the anti-gravity generators. She was close to losing consciousness and she was limp and cold – so cold – against him when he pulled her a little closer to the fire. He forcefully brushed aside the deep fear and sense of urgency in his gut; he had to keep a cool head and focus on applying what he knew of basic survival training. Lieutenant Pol kindly came to offer his jacket, which Chakotay took with a grateful nod, before the lieutenant returned to Tibeya and the others. Now Chakotay wished he hadn’t left his own jacket at the campsite earlier.

Chakotay started treating Kathryn’s hypothermia by quickly removing her soaked shoes and replacing her sodden socks with his own – they were too big for her, but they were dry and warm. Then he placed her feet (and her shoes) closer to the fire before dropping himself to the ground and pulling her close until she was lying face down on top of him. The rocky ground beneath him was uncomfortable, but he barely registered. He was determined not to think of how her body felt against his except to assess her condition; her clothes were still damp and cold and her skin felt icy. Her lips had begun to turn blue and she was still shivering violently, which, all things considered, was an encouraging sign; it meant that her body temperature hadn’t gone down too drastically. And though her breathing was shallower than usual, Chakotay could feel her steady – albeit slightly slower than normal – heartbeat against his, and feel her soft breath against his neck. He gasped when she burrowed her cold face into his neck, but couldn’t quite refrain a quick smile at the trust that was implied in this simple gesture.

She was going to be okay, he repeated to himself like a mantra.

She didn’t struggle when he pulled on her sleeves to remove her damp jacket then worked on her t-shirt, applying himself to the task quickly and clinically. Then he draped Pol’s jacket over her back. She snuggled into his warmth when he was done, gathering her folded arms tight between them. Chakotay rubbed her back so that the friction would create heat and stimulate circulation, and slowly, eventually, her shivering subsided. Once Chakotay was satisfied that she was enveloped in as much warmth as he could create with what little he had, he gently lifted her head and pushed strands of hair, knotty from seawater, away from her face to look into her eyes. She opened them on her own and met his searching gaze, disoriented. Her pupils were not quite as dilated as before, a good sign, and her breathing was also deeper.

“Talk to me, Kathryn,” Chakotay pressed quietly, forcing her to meet his eyes. “Tell me, how are you going to fix those plates back on Voyager, huh?” She blinked a few times, as if struggling to keep her eyes open, but at last her gaze went from mild confusion to recognition and relief when it focused on his. To his relief she didn’t recoil or move away from the realization of how close they were entangled together. She was probably still too out of it to notice anyway.

“Chakotay don’t let go yet,” she whispered breathlessly.

Chakotay’s heart squeezed painfully at her words, and the fear and vulnerability in them. A wave of affection and love and protectiveness swelled in his chest. His hands had been holding her head up, but now he moved them to cup her cheeks gently, softly caressing with his thumbs. Her skin felt sticky from the ocean water, but Chakotay relished the softness underneath. “I’ll hold on for as long as you want me to,” he replied just as softly, knowing that she probably wouldn’t catch the bigger truth of his statement right away in her condition. If ever. “But we’ll need to move soon. We can’t stay here much longer, this tunnel isn’t steady anymore, and we’ve lost the anti-gravity generators. Plus, the sun’s still shining out there, it will help bring your temperature up if we can bring you outside.” He kept the rest of his reasons for moving to himself – she didn’t need the extra concern right now.

She nodded slowly as his arguments registered, warmth and life slowly seeping back into her. Her heartbeat seemed to be returning to a more normal rate when his hand slid to her neck. She dropped her forehead to his chest for a moment, as if drawing strength from him, before she moved again, pushing herself off him shakily. Chakotay helped her sit up, then averted his eyes while he helped her slip her arms into Pol’s jacket and zipped it up for her after he noticed how her hands fumbled with it. She rubbed and flexed her hands and feet a few times, then held them near to the fire. She gave him a grateful nod and, reassured that she would be able to stay sitting up on her own, he quickly went to check on the others.

Needless to say, the students were deeply shaken by the turn of events. When Chakotay joined them they inquired about the captain’s condition, but then seemed to instinctively turn to him to figure out what to do next. Lieutenant Pol had been able to build a makeshift splint for Tibeya’s ankle out of the contents of the archaeology team’s field medical kit, but she needed medical attention. And of course Chakotay’s priority was to take Kathryn to the Flyer as soon as possible, not only because he was still worried about her, but also because he was still concerned about the situation with the Maradib. He refrained from voicing his concerns though, but rather told the group to prepare to move out. He quickly contacted Lieutenant Nolan, telling him to meet them with the Flyer as soon as his group was ready.

ooooOoooo

“B’Elanna, we’ve now matched the asteroid’s velocity. Ready when you are!” Tom’s voice came through B’Elanna’s combadge.

“Almost there!”

B’Elanna hurried to the next console to double check her calculations, just one more time. She worked as fast as she could, now feeling the extra pressure of holding not only the ship’s and the colony’s survival in the palm of her hand, but the captain and Chakotay’s lives as well. Apparently Voyager had received a communication earlier saying something about an explosion on Gianfar 4 and the captain needing medical assistance. It felt like a huge weight added to B’Elanna’s shoulders, as if she could feel every crewmember’s eyes turned on her. But she forced herself to focus – one task at a time. Luckily, working under pressure was one of the things she did best.

This would work! It had to! And then they could go help the captain.

Heart pounding, B’Elanna thought dimly to herself that she hadn’t felt this awake in days, as she focused on her work, her fingers flying over the consoles.

“I’m ready to activate the shield when you are, Lieutenant,” Seven told her. She had rushed to her aid as soon as the first asteroid fragment had been destroyed.

B’Elanna nodded. “I’m almost there.”

“In the event that we should survive this plan,” Seven said, “I would be happy to provide assistance with Miral Paris, if you require it. I have had some success with the children aboard this vessel before.”

B’Elanna frowned distractedly. “Really?”

“Yes, I-”

“No, I meant, really, you want to talk about this now?” B’Elanna put in her final commands before she hit her combadge. “Okay we’re ready here!”

There were several seconds of various people giving their ready, including the transporter technicians and security officers in the cargo bay. And then Tuvok gave the green light.

“Alright, here goes nothing,” B’Elanna said with a deep breath. And then she punched in the commands.

oooOooo

Once the students were ready to go, Chakotay returned to Kathryn. She put her wet shoes back on with a wince at the disagreeable feeling, then Chakotay helped her up to her feet. He stayed close as they started walking, ready to catch her with a hand at her elbow if her legs buckled. But though she was walking shakily, gingerly, she was able to make it on her own, one hand stretched out to the side, using the tunnel wall for support. There was that Kathryn Janeway determination he admired so much.

“Okay?” Chakotay asked after a moment, watching her face carefully. She still wasn’t her usual self, but at least she was on her feet, awake, and no longer shivering, and her lips and skin were getting some color back. The light slowly returned to her eyes and her hair was drying faster now too, curling freely around her ears and where it touched her shoulders. Though he was still concerned for her well-being, Chakotay couldn’t stop his gaze from lingering on her. Realizing how close he had come to losing her. Noticing how, regardless of how small she looked in the lieutenant’s too-big jacket – the sleeves coming down well past her wrists – there was still an air of command about her, in the way she held herself, and in the way the students instinctively rallied around her. Wondering if she remembered everything she had told him, whether she would ever bring it up again, and what he would do if she didn’t.

She merely nodded. She was uncharacteristically quiet, her brows drawn together in concentration as she focused on putting one foot in front of the other, so Chakotay didn’t force the conversation. With Tibeya hopping between Lieutenant Pol and Weinberg and Kathryn’s careful pace, they weren’t moving as quickly as Chakotay felt the need for, but at least they were moving. They reached the tunnel exit and they all stopped to shade their eyes while they adjusted to the brightness. The sun was past its zenith, and Chakotay estimated that they had about two hours of sunlight left. But it wasn’t his intention to tarry, so he urged the students not to waste time grabbing anything from their equipment as they passed by their archaeological units, and to stay alert. Chakotay’s sense of urgency increased now that they were back in the open.

He kept looking up, hoping to see the Flyer, but there was no sign of it yet. Chakotay contacted Lieutenant Nolan again to ask about their progress. It turned out that there was some minor damage to the Flyer door latches, Nolan replied, but he was confident they would be able to fix it within the next few minutes. Chakotay rubbed his face at this other piece of bad news, but there was nothing he could do on his end, so he nodded and told Nolan to keep working on it.

Once they reached the rocky trail leading down to the campsite, Tibeya let go of Pol’s and Erik’s shoulders to walk on her own, and took the lead. Though she was limping badly, she held herself tall, and Chakotay was surprised to see a new kind of confidence in her step. As if she had proven herself worthy down there – if not to her people, then to herself. He remembered now that she and Kathryn had encountered one of the Maradib responsible for the explosion in the tunnel, and that she might have some answers. Chakotay increased his pace to offer his support. She declined with a resolute shake of the head, so he didn’t push it.

“Tibeya, do you have any idea what’s going on?” He asked.

Tibeya cocked her head, as if considering. “I am not certain.”

“What’s your best guess?”

Tibeya took her time, and Chakotay wondered if that extra pause before she spoke was just the way she was, or whether she was debating herself about how much to tell him.

“Look, I know we’re strangers to you,” he said in case it was the latter, “and we’re guests here, but someone almost took my captain’s life, and I need to know why.”

She glanced at him before returning her gaze ahead. “I believe the woman in the tunnel was part of a renegade organization whose members do not agree with the High Council’s decision to have an archaeological project at Ardok.”

Yes, he’d assumed as much when he’d learned the campsite had been targeted too. “Why not?”

She blew out her cheeks, as if she didn’t want to get into a long story. It was a strangely human thing to do. In the end she glanced at him again before she spoke. “As Our Respectable Councilor Lyat’ib told you when you first arrived, Maradib consider the past to be sacred. As something to not be discussed, and certainly not brought to life through study and interpretation.” Chakotay nodded. This was exactly what archaeologists and historians did: bring the past to life.

“However over the last several years,” Tibeya went on, “the High Council has revisited the Precepts, and have proposed new, more liberal interpretations that now make it possible for scientists such as Dr. Bianchi to conduct research here.”

“But not everyone agrees with this new way of seeing things,” Chakotay finished for her, at last getting a clearer understanding of what they might be dealing with. It sounded very much like he and Kathryn had got stuck in a crossfire between two factions of the Maradib spiritual and political leadership. 

“That is so. The members of this organization – they call themselves Restorationists – believe in the literal observation of the Precepts, rather than a more metaphorical understanding. They believe that not only is history sacred, but that it is something to be feared. They believe that if history is revealed, and worse, questioned and challenged, then it will rise from the earth and unleash what bounds the Maradib together, leading to pure anarchy and chaos. Needless to say, that would be a great evil in their eyes.”

It was Chakotay’s turn to sigh. He wondered how much of this Bel was aware of.

“But clearly you don’t agree,” another voice chimed in. Kathryn! “Why?” She asked as she stepped up to walk on the other side of him. Chakotay let out a quick, surprised smile at seeing her taking part in the conversation, and she acknowledged it with a nod and a lingering look that Chakotay would no doubt spend too much time dwelling on once they were safe. But it was the curiosity in her eyes and the inquisitive slant of her eyebrows that really put a balm of relief on his heart.

His captain was back.

“Indeed I do not agree,” Tibeya replied, acknowledging the captain with a nod. “As I told you earlier, Captain, my mindwalking is defective. But what I neglected to say is that, when we reach adulthood, mindreapders like myself are systematically excluded from Maradib society, especially those belonging to lower castes. This mutation in our abilities is very rare, so the few of us who are born with it will cluster together in caves like the one I took you to, or try to hide their gifts, putting themselves and their families at risk. Others leave. _I_ chose to leave. But now I am grateful, because it is because of my defect that I met Dr. Bianchi and Frederik,” she added with an oddly shy look over her shoulder toward Weinberg who walked a few feet behind. “And that I came to question the beliefs of my people, and understand.”

“Understand what?” Chakotay pressed curiously, his mind racing making connections in his head based on this new knowledge about the Maradib, and Tibeya herself. It certainly explained her reserved behavior around the other Maradib.

“That those who seek to conceal history are those who fear the future,” she replied. “You see-” She froze suddenly, her head snapping up as if she heard something, and everyone else stopped walking behind her, following her cue. There was a curve in the path ahead, which circled around a large rocky outcrop protruding from the mountainside. They couldn’t see what was around the corner. “Other Maradib are approaching. There are too many minds, I cannot determine their intentions,” Tibeya added.

Chakotay quickly exchanged a “stay alert” look with Lieutenant Pol, the only one aside from Chakotay armed with a phaser. Chakotay took a protective step forward while they waited, quickly looking around for possible escape paths, in case it came to that. Unfortunately there weren’t many options: going left would mean climbing up the increasingly-steeper rise of the rocky mountain side; going right would mean slide down the hill– which eventually ended in a cliff overlooking the ocean. In the first case he didn’t think the captain and Tibeya would be able to follow at the moment, and in the second, it was too dangerous that one or more of them would slide and fall. He quickly gestured the students to get behind the rocky outcrop and away from view of those who would be coming around the bend.

Chakotay was slightly relieved to see Lyat’ib and the three Maradib who had dived into the ocean coming around the corner, carrying what looked like medical supplies and equipment. But Chakotay remained on his guard. He noticed that there were four of them present, when the initial delegation had numbered five. Where was the fifth one? Whatever their intentions might be, they stopped in surprise at the unexpected encounter.

When she saw them, Tibeya dropped to her knee with a wince to greet Lyat’ib according to their respective ranks, though Chakotay noticed a bit more attitude in the way she did it this time, as if she was done pretending that she liked it. “Respectable Councilor Lyat’ib,” she said formally as she stood up again, keeping her head bowed.

Chakotay stepped forward. “Thank you for your help,” he said as he looked at Lyat’ib and the other Maradib in turn. “As you see we have our people back, so we’re on our way to our shuttle now. I think it’s clear that we are not wanted here.” He felt Kathryn walk up to stand at his elbow. He didn’t want to risk taking his eyes off from the Maradib, otherwise he would have exchanged a look with her. “However, this young woman needs medical attention,” he added with a gesture to Tibeya, who shot him a glare. He wasn’t sure why.

Lyat’ib pressed his lips, but then gestured for one of the other Maradib to go tend to Tibeya. The man approached her as he would a wounded animal, as if he were afraid she’d bite, and crouched down to open his medical kit. There seemed to be tricorder-type technologies in there, so hopefully they would also have a device to mend her fracture.

For his part, Lyat’ib seemed genuinely saddened by what was happening. “I am sorry that you have been caught in our internal politics, Commander, Captain,” he replied. “I hoped that-”

He was interrupted when Tibeya yelped and struggled to her feet, pushing the medic away and using his shoulder for support, ignoring the complaint that made it past his lips. She raised a hand to ask everyone to be quiet. She closed her eyes in concentration, then turned her head as if searching for the source of whatever it was she heard or felt. When she was facing toward the outcrop jutting out ahead and above them, she opened her eyes again and looked up. She extended her arms in front of Chakotay, Kathryn and the others, as if to protect them. She took an instinctive limping step back, forcing everyone to do the same.

At the same moment, a group of a dozen Maradib slowly appeared over the top of the outcrop, standing on whatever flat surface they could stand on up there. The group – the Restorationists, Chakotay deduced – was led by the Maradib man from the delegation who had been missing from Lyat’ib’s party. He now looked down on them from above with a jubilant expression. Several of the Restorationists slid down the rocky edge of the outcrop, easily, as if they were snowboarding, to join the archaeology team on the path and surround the entire party, including Lyat’ib and his divers. Chakotay was reminded of a pack of wolves showing themselves only when they knew they had their prey in a corner. Each of the Restorationists was pointing some kind of weapon at them, though Chakotay had no idea what kind of damage these were meant to inflict. Energy blasts? High velocity projectiles? He wasn’t familiar with Maradib technology. He realized now that he had come uncharacteristically unprepared. He should have done his research, rather than take somebody else’s word for it – even if that somebody was a friend. One thing he did know was that the Maradib were capable of interstellar travel, so it was probably safe to assume that those weapons could cause a lot of damage. Chakotay’s hand drifted to his phaser, acutely aware that they were painfully outgunned and that the phaser would probably be useless if it came to a firefight.

“Eriyash,” Lyat’ib called to the Restorationist leader, squinting against the brightness of the sky as he was forced to look up, “what is the meaning of this?” His voice was calm, and sad, despite the tenseness of the situation.

The one called Eriyash sneered. “Isn’t it obvious? We are proceeding to a change in the High Council. You are old, Lyat’ib, and in your old age you have been taking us astray. Allowing these… intruders to come here and risk unleashing the very essence of the Maradib. You are a disgrace, and it is high time that you be removed.”

The other Restorationists cheered, sneering and laughing. Chakotay’s eyes searched the sky again, hoping that Nolan and the others would have fixed the damn latches by now and be on their way. Very slowly, he looked at Kathryn who was still standing at his elbow and motioned to her combadge with a subtle nod. He gave her a quick pointed look – tell Nolan to stop caring about the latches and to hurry over here, it said – and she blinked slowly in acknowledgement. Then he stepped forward to draw everyone’s attention on him, and away from Kathryn. He just about heard her whisper into her shoulder to ‘tape the damn doors if it came to that’ before he started talking.

“Look,” he said, licking his lips and raising his hands in a pacifying gesture, feeling the sun beat on the back of his neck and beads of sweat pooling on his forehead. “I understand that you are trying to make a point, but what do you mean to accomplish here? Some of us are Starfleet officers – you must know that any incident that happens here will make its way back to Starfleet, and they will have to investigate, possibly retaliate. It’s in your best interest to just lower your weapons, all of you. I’m sure we can come up with a solution in which we would _all_ come out alive.”

Eriyash glanced at him with an annoyed and contemptuous expression. “Stay out of this, Starfleet! This is not your concern.”

Kathryn stepped forward at this, as if she couldn’t hold it any longer, her hands on her hips, her commanding, no-nonsense expression all too familiar. At that moment, Chakotay’s admiration and pride only grew, if that was even possible at this point. Though his heart suddenly raced in fear at the way she put herself in the line of fire. Chakotay instinctively shifted his weight to the balls of his feet, ready to tackle her to the ground if it came to that. “Not our concern? You have endangered members of my crew and almost blew _me_ up, while we came here with nothing but good intentions – so I’m afraid you’ve made this very much Starfleet’s concern, and mine! I do not handle threats very well.”

Eriyash turned his eyes on her and grinned wickedly. “None of your threats will matter if you are all end up buried in the ocean!” At this he gave a curt nod and his renegades raised their weapons, ready to fire.


	7. Tibeya

In the formal, public sphere of Maradib life, rules and beliefs were designed to conceal the past and muffle the stories, myths and legends that were not part of the Precepts, the rules by which all Maradib lived. Yet, despite this strict rule system, within the privacy of their kin circles, the Maradib in fact revered such old stories. They were murmured secretly in the ears of lovers under the stars, whispered to children at nighttime, and breathed among the rebelling youth, as if to defy the higher authorities and face the fear of divine punishment. And through this secret sharing, those stories lived on, transmitted from one generation to the next, perhaps since the time of the Ardokians themselves. Meanwhile, the High Council pretended that those stories did not exist, that they were not alive. Because to admit that those stories still held power would be sacrilege.

One such story had always fired Tibeya’s imagination as a child, perhaps because it so resonated with her own life as the girl whose luck had abandoned her twice: not only was she born of lower status, but she was also a mindreaper, feared and despised by her own people. It did not matter that she had had never voluntarily reaped anyone’s thoughts from their minds – not since she had been old enough to understand – or that she was working hard on blocking her defective mindwalking abilities. She had always been judged off the fear of what she _could_ do, rather than for what she actually did.

The story in question was about a boy who went on a quest across the mountains of Maradibaya. Different tellers told a different motivation for this quest – love, riches, wisdom, knowledge – but that was not the important part. Throughout his quest, the boy encountered many challenges and antagonists, but he always outsmarted his opponents and faced the obstacles with cleverness, and without fear. The part that always drew in Tibeya happened at the end of the story, when the boy was faced with his greatest challenge yet: the fear that his people had of him now that he was back, his mind full of knowledge and adventures, his heart full of the people he had encountered and his eyes full of starlight. In other words, he had left an ordinary boy, but had returned an extraordinary man. His people cast him out because of this change, despised him, and even beat him for fear of the change he was bound to bring. And yet, the ordinary-boy-turned-extraordinary-man faced them with the same resourcefulness and cleverness as he had faced all of his previous opponents. To counter hate he gave love, to defeat prejudice he gave knowledge, and to overcome fear he gave patience. In short, the ordinary-boy-turned-extraordinary-man prevailed because he gave parts of himself to his people.

As Tibeya heard in her mind the vengeful and hateful thoughts of Eriyash and his Restorationists, she also recognized the mean glint in his eyes as he ordered his renegades to prepare to open fire. He would hurt them, hurt them all, _now_ , unless she stopped it.

In that fateful moment, Tibeya acted on pure instinct – she would not let her friends, old and new, suffer because of the close-mindedness of her people. She forgot about the shooting pain in her leg as her fear and her anger swelled inside her like a beast and, without thinking, she harvested that power and focused it inside her mind – let it build up until it cried for release. And then she lashed it out in all directions, like targeted whips, aware that her whole body was taut and she had outstretched her arms as if to guide the reaplings find their targets. She felt a surge of elation at letting her power free _at last_ and to know that each tendril found its mark perfectly: intruding into a renegade’s thoughts, and grasping. Through the thick veil of her mind and the surge of euphoria that filled her entire being at the sensation of being _free_ at last, she was dimly aware that all of the Restorationists were screaming and moaning in pain as they fell to their knees, clutching their heads as if they could manually get her out, dropping their weapons as they did. Some of them fought her, but, she realized with another savage thrill that she was too strong. A part of her marveled – she had never known she could have such power, or that it would feel so… liberating. She could reap those hateful thoughts from all of their brains, tear them from their very consciousness. She could destroy them all, if she wanted to. And a part of her did – for the number of times they and others like them had humiliated her, belittled her, made her fear her own mind. Her own desire for vengeance was powerful, consuming.

Eriyash managed to level a despising look at her through his pain. “You will pay for this, mindreaper scum,” he spat. Then he shifted to look at Lyat’ib. “You let a mindreaper walk on this most sacred site-”

Tibeya tightened her hold on his mind, closing her fist instinctively, and he stopped talking, clutching his head. She could crush him.

She could-

_To counter hate he gave love._

The thought of those words broke through the euphoric haze of her mind, suddenly grounding her back into her body. She was suddenly aware that everyone around her – her friends – had taken a startled step back away from her in fear. Even Frederik.

_To defeat prejudice he gave knowledge._

She slowly looked to the other side. Commander Chakotay reached out his arm and put it in front of Captain Janeway in protective reflex.

_And to overcome fear he gave patience._

But Captain Janeway met her eyes. She seemed unafraid as she lowered the commander’s arm with a quick look into his eyes, before she took one cautious step closer to Tibeya.

“Tibeya, what are you doing?” She asked calmly, her tone almost curious.

Tibeya realized that she could still hold all the renegades’ minds captive with her own and still speak, though her hold was not as steady. “The only thing I can do to stop them from hurting us all,” Tibeya replied, shaking from the effort of keeping the fanatics’ minds contained within her own. They fought harder now that they felt her concentration falter, and it took much of Tibeya’s strength to maintain her hold – and now that the euphoria had past, the pain in her ankle was agonizing.

As she approached, the captain motioned to the others, both Starfleet and archaeologists, with a gesture of her hand, and they rushed to Eriyash and the others to disarm them. “You can let them go now, Tibeya. See,” the captain said once all weapons had been removed and tossed in a pile, “they can’t hurt you anymore.” She stepped even closer. “Think about the consequences of what you’re doing; I know all you want is to be accepted by your people, but you won’t convince them not to fear you if you hurt those people now. You’ve got to let the laws of your people dictate their fate. You’ve got to raise above their hate and their fear.”

Her words were so similar to the lesson of the extraordinary man story that Tibeya faltered at the coincidence, and she let go of the renegades’ minds with a gasp. They collapsed to the ground in shaking heaps, breathing heavily, some sobbing from fear and pain. Lyat’ib gave them all a dismissive look before he cautiously stepped closer to Tibeya, one arm outstretched in her direction, making sure she met his eyes.

“To counter hate he gave love,” he quoted slowly. “To defeat prejudice he gave knowledge, and to overcome fear he gave patience.” To hear such words from a member of the High Council was such a contradiction that Tibeya could only stare at him unblinkingly for a long moment, dimly aware that she was shaking uncontrollably.

And then she said the final words of the story with him. “In short, the ordinary-boy-turned-extraordinary-man prevailed because he gave a part of himself to his people.”

Lyat’ib smiled, the first sign of warmth she had ever witnessed in him, nodding his head, as if proud of her for knowing the words. After a long moment of staring into his face, she dropped herself to the ground with a strangled sob – realizing at once what she had been about to do and overcome with relief and guilt and grief. Her face buried in the palms of her hands as she tried to control her shaking, she felt Captain Janeway’s comforting hand on her back as she crouched next to her, but what was even stranger was suddenly realizing that Lyat’ib had come to crouch in front of her. This man she had always feared was full of surprises. He turned to the others.

“Go alert the High Council that we will be taking these… criminals for trial.” Two of them ran off. Lyat’ib turned to Tibeya again. “Come, child, you have done well today. You have saved the friends of the Maradib from a terrible fate, and I daresay you-”

At that moment someone shouted a warning, and when Tibeya registered the sudden vengeful thoughts flowing into her mind, Eriyash had already reached for the explosive device he kept concealed in his tunic. He was about to throw it with a desperate, crazed laughter when the sound of engines buzzed in the air around them. The ground shook as the Delta Flyer flew right on top of them, phasers blazing around them all, carefully not hitting anyone. Everyone ducked out of instinct, and in his fear, Eriyash dropped the device without activating it. It rolled at Chakotay’s feet, who then grabbed it and tossed it with surprising strength over the cliff and into the ocean.

Eriyash dropped himself to the ground, defeated, while the other students cheered for the Flyer. Even Tibeya could not stop herself from chuckling in relief at the rather dramatic arrival.

“Anyone else want to try something? Now’s your chance,” Captain Janeway added sarcastically as she glared at Eriyash, then the others of his party. None of them replied, but their groans and moans were answer enough.

oooOooo

After the Flyer’s dramatic arrival, Lieutenant Nolan landed the shuttle on the closest flat surface he could find. Then he, Bel, and Carbonneau came rushing out, all armed with phasers. However by then Lyat’ib, Chakotay and the others had already rounded up the Restorationists and were now just waiting for Lyat’ib’s people to arrive to take them into custody. There was a moment of frenzied catching-up and relieved hugs when the two groups mingled to go over everything that had happened.

“What’s going to happen to them?” Chakotay asked Lyat’ib with a head nod at the Restorationists, now guarded by the two lieutenants and the remainder of Lyat’ib’s people.

“They will face trial,” Lyat’ib replied. Then he heaved a sigh. “But I fear the problem goes far deeper than just a group of fanatics. It is much worse than I realized. The High Council has much to do to ensure that something like this never happens again. Dr. Bianchi, Commander Chakotay, please accept my apologies once again, on behalf of my people, for what happened today.” He turned to Bel. “I would understand if you decided to abort your research project, Belinda, but know that the High Council still welcomes you here.”

Bel let out a chuckle that was half-amused half-derisive before giving him a grateful look. “Thank you, Lyat’ib, but I think I need some time to regroup. And I think you might use some time to make sure that our presence here is agreed upon by _all_ Maradib, and not just the High Council. I would be happy to discuss our project in a public venue, if that would help. I think the more Maradib know about what we are truly doing here, the more they will see the value in it. Much like you and Tibeya have come to see.”

Lyat’ib bowed his head in acknowledgment. “Wise as ever, Dr. Bianchi.”

She wrinkled her nose at being called wise again before she put a friendly hand on his shoulder.

“What about Tibeya?” Chakotay asked with a look at where Kathryn was still talking quietly with the young Maradib. Had Kathryn known that Tibeya was able to do what she’d done? She certainly hadn’t looked surprised, or afraid. Her bravery and aplomb had reminded Chakotay of the similar way in which she had dealt with Kes, years ago.

“She is of course welcome to stay,” Lyat’ib replied. “Her gift is remarkably powerful, I have never seen or heard of anyone doing something like she did – taking all those minds at once... But this also makes her potentially dangerous. However, she has also shown great kindness and courage, so I will use my influence to get her to work with the best masters Maradibaya has to offer. She would learn to not only control her abilities, but also learn to use them for good.”

Chakotay considered pointing out that this was something that should be offered to all so-called mindreapers, and not just high-ranked ones, but he bit his tongue. He had a feeling that Lyat’ib had already his plate full with cultural reforms that his people might not be quite ready for.

“For now you’re welcome back on Voyager, Bel, if you need some time before making a decision,” Chakotay told her, knowing that Kathryn would have made a similar offer.

Bel nodded gratefully. “Yes. We’ll take you up on that, thank you.”

Chakotay left the others still chatting to go check on Nolan and Pol in the Delta Flyer, who were finishing fixing up the latch for good. They seemed to have things under control, so Chakotay kept going until he reached the back compartment. He sat on the bench and rummaged through the medical kit. He found the cell regenerator, then took off his boots with a wince. He’d gotten several blisters from walking sockless, but all things considered, this was a small price to pay to see Kathryn bounce back from her ordeal.

As if he’d summoned her with his thoughts, she walked into the Flyer a moment later and made some kind of crack at the lieutenants, prompting them to laugh. Chakotay recognized with a grin their slightly starstruck expression as she continued on her way to the back. She stopped in surprise when she saw him sitting there. They exchanged a nod before she made her way to the replicator. “Coffee. Black. Very hot.”

“Decaffeinated,” Chakotay added, loud enough for the replicator to hear his command. It was great to see her back to her old self, but she looked pale and it was obvious to everyone that she was exhausted. She was all but swaying on her feet. Now that they were safe, it was time she took it easy. Kathryn tossed him an indignant look over her shoulder, but he only raised his eyebrow in challenge. Then he returned his attention to what he was doing. He didn’t hear her change the order and when she approached him a few moments later, the aroma of coffee wafted along with her.

“What happened?” She asked quietly as she sat next to him with a glance at his feet, her fingers curling around her mug.

“Just some good old blisters. Nothing to worry about. Someone took my socks,” he replied with a quick sly smile in her direction.

“Oh.” She gave him a half-reprimanding, half-grateful smile as she realized he was talking about her. “Chakotay, what did I ever do to deserve you?”

Chakotay grinned, deciding not to read too much into that comment. “I’m still working that one out myself,” he replied with a wink and she chuckled quietly, shaking her head.

She took a sip of coffee, closing her eyes and letting out a little sound of pleasure, somewhere between a sigh and a moan. Chakotay’s gaze shot to her face at the sound. He found himself unable to tear his eyes away, taking in the curve of her eyelashes against her cheeks, her smiling mouth, the expressive curve of her eyebrows. The sudden need to kiss those lips and bring out that kind of sound was so powerful he felt the blood rush through his veins and his hands twitched. Knowing that she had thought about it too certainly didn’t help. He shook himself when she opened her eyes again, and quickly tore his gaze away – now was certainly not the time, nor was the Flyer the right place.

She was sitting close enough that he felt it when a shudder coursed through her – a leftover from the hypothermia – so he put down the cell regenerator and stood to grab two of the thermal blankets from the medical kit. Without a word he unfolded them, then bent over to place them over Kathryn’s back and shoulders, and tucked her into them. She looked up at him with that expression again, the one that said he was fussing unnecessarily, but that she was grateful anyway. He tugged on the corners of the blankets where they met below her chin one last time, briefly meeting her eyes, before returning to his seat and putting his boots back on.

“Thank you.”

Her voice was quiet, serious, and Chakotay fought the urge to look into her eyes. The desire to kiss her had not abated, and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to resist if he looked into her eyes now.

At that moment Nolan and Pol declared the door fixed and the rest of the team poured in. With everyone else bustling around them and taking their seats, chatting loudly and excitedly, Chakotay risked meeting Kathryn’s eyes briefly again. He held out the cell regenerator to her. “To help with the lacerations,” he told her, gesturing to his own face to mirror where she had small scratches on her right cheekbone. He knew she had them on her palms as well, and probably other spots on her body where her uniform had caught in the rocks when he’d pulled her out.

She nodded as she extended her hand, palm up, and he put the regenerator in her hand. “Thanks.” Just as he was about to leave, she called him again. “Chakotay…” Her voice faltered, but her expression said it all. Gratitude. Uncertainty. A desire to say more but knowing that this wasn’t the place.

Chakotay nodded. “I know. Rest now. We’ll be back on Voyager in an hour or so.”

He turned and made his way to the pilot chair. He distractedly started the engines and the thrusters, then ensured everybody was ready for departure. His thoughts and his emotions in a turmoil, Chakotay startled when Bel came to sit in the copilot chair. She was frowning probably as deeply as he was, as lost in thought as he was.

For a while he focused on the maneuvers he needed to do, but once the Flyer was in the air at last, putting distance between them and the island, he relaxed and sank deeper into his hair with a sigh. He rubbed his hands over his face. Bel started chuckling next to him in pure relief and exhaustion and disbelief of everything that had happened in just under a few hours. Chakotay joined her. He shook his head.

“You’re taking this all rather well,” he commented after a moment.

She let out another bark of chuckle. “Ha. I think I’m in shock.” She turned laughing eyes toward him. “Isn’t archaeology fun?” She asked, sarcastic laughter still in her voice.

Chakotay scoffed a quick chuckle, but when he thought about it, he realized that before the day had turned sour, he had actually quite enjoyed himself. “Actually, the idea is starting to grow on me.”

Her chuckle faded, her eyes widening. “Really?” She seemed genuinely surprised, and Chakotay couldn’t blame her, considering what had happened today. She turned to face him more fully. “I can help you figure out how to make it happen, if you’re serious about it.”

“Thank you. I’d appreciate that. My mind isn’t fully made up yet, but, like I said… it’s growing on me.”

As if she could actually read his thoughts, her gaze wandered to the back of the Flyer, where Kathryn was still sitting. She was done with her injuries and was now entirely engrossed in the PADD she held in one hand and her coffee in the other. “I’m sure it is,” Bel replied, biting her cheek as if stifling a grin.

Chakotay gave her a sidelong look before he glanced over his shoulder to look at the now fully quiet team. They hadn’t been airborne for ten minutes yet, and the students were already fast asleep. Carbonneau’s mouth hung open, T’Dil was meditating and Tibeya’s head rested on Weinberg’s shoulder while his rested atop hers. Apparently she had decided to stick with her team for the time being. The medic had in fact been able to mend her fracture, so she was as good as new – at least, physically speaking. For their parts, the two lieutenants were talking to each other in hushed tones, and Chakotay was pleased to see that sense of camaraderie develop between two of the new Voyager officers, it would help them belong. They had done well today, considering that this had been their first away team as part of the Voyager contingent. Then again, Tuvok was generally a good judge of character, and Chakotay figured he must have had his reasons for choosing these two particular young men to accompany them today.

“You can be proud of your students, Bel. They handled themselves remarkably well today,” Chakotay told her.

She nodded proudly. “They’re a clever bunch. I only hope they won’t be too scared to come back, once things settle a bit.”

“Do you really think that will happen?” Chakotay asked as he glanced at her.

“I don’t know. I hope so. Probably not right away. Like I told Lyat’ib, the High Council needs to address the deeper issues before I can bring students back here. I won’t return until I know for sure that they would not be risking their lives. This whole experience should be about learning how to do research, not how to survive a goddamned coup.”

Chakotay nodded, his lips twitching up at her quip. “Well, I know I’m new to the Maradib culture, but I’d be happy to help, if you’d like. I’ve had to use my Starfleet diplomatic skills a lot over the last few years, maybe I could help. As a kind of impartial mediator.”

She smiled at him. “Thank you. That’s very nice of you.” She was quiet for a moment until she groaned. “I’m starving! Do you mind if I use the replicator?”

Chakotay chuckled. “Of course not. Help yourself. And why don’t you bring me back something too?”

She paused, narrowing her eyes as if trying to find a particular memory. “Mushroom soup?”

Chakotay grinned. “That’ll do.”

She grinned in turn. “Coming right up.”

“Bel,” Chakotay called quietly before she stepped away. She looked back expectantly. “It’s been really nice spending time with you again.”

Her smiled softened. “Back at you.”

oooOooo

B’Elanna could still hardly believe it: not only had her mad plan worked, but it had worked pretty much without a glitch. It had taken a lot of power to maintain the force field, and some fancy flying from Tom, but all things considered, it had gone remarkably – and rather uncharacteristically – well. Power loss wasn’t too much of a concern since they were now back in the Alpha Quadrant, and they had been able to release the asteroid back where it wouldn’t be a threat to the planet’s surface, as planned. They had even managed to evacuate all of the colonists in time, so when their shields eventually failed under the assault of smaller meteorites, everyone was safe aboard Voyager or their shuttles. Though a couple of the colonists had expressed anger at being taken off the planet without their consent, the vast majority of them were grateful, including the representatives. The meteor shower wasn’t over yet, and it already looked as though a couple of the larger debris had hit the planet’s surface (luckily after everyone had been evacuated), so in all likelihood Tuvok had saved all of their lives by taking them off the planet when he did.

They had also heard from the Flyer again, with good news. Danger had passed, the captain was safe and they would soon rendezvous with Voyager.

So now B’Elanna hurried to pick up Miral from the nursery, stretching her neck and rubbing her shoulders as she walked. She jumped when strong hands came from behind her to replace her hands and massage her shoulders briefly. She grinned when Tom released her and fell in step with her.

“Wasn’t it my turn to pick her up?” He asked as he rubbed a tired hand over his face, while he tugged her a little into his side with his other arm around her shoulder.

B’Elanna shook her head, smiling. “I don’t know. I’ve lost track. Besides, after the last couple of hours, I need to see her. Let’s just go together.” They made small talk as they walked, discussing the events, speculating about what had happened to the captain and Chakotay.

When they reached the center, Miral was sleeping. B’Elanna didn’t waste a second before she lifted her into her arms and squeezed her as tightly as she dared. After the last few hours, there was something incredibly comforting about the feel of her in her arms and the sweet smell of her skin. Tom went to do small talk with the staff while he gathered Miral’s stuff, and then they were ready to go home to their quarters.

And of course, Miral woke up and started crying almost the instant they veered into the corridor. Tom rubbed B’Elanna’s back a few times as they exchanged an exasperated look. B’Elanna stopped when they encountered Seven.

“I just wanted to say,” B’Elanna started as she rubbed Miral’s back, trying to get her to quiet down a little. “I’m sorry I was rude before.”

Seven barely reacted. “There’s no need. The offer stands. Hand me the child,” she declared as she outstretched her arms.

B’Elanna exchanged a look with Tom, who gave her an almost imperceptible shrug.

Much to their surprise, Miral’s cries faltered when she realized she had shifted arms and was now staring up at an ex-Borg drone, as if suddenly overcome by curiosity. Miral reached out and tried to grab at Seven’s ocular implant. B’Elanna winced and was about to pull back her daughter’s hand, but, much to her surprise, Seven started laughing, gently taking Miral’s outstretched hand instead. “You’re a curious little one, aren’t you? Your parents have had a taxing day,” she told Miral more quietly, “you need to behave now.” Then she looked back at Tom and B’Elanna. “I must regenerate now, but I would be happy to care for her in the future. I have designed a stimulation and rest schedule for Naomi Wildman that I believe would work as well with Miral. If you do not always wish to leave her at the nursery.”

“Thank you, that’s very kind of you,” Tom replied.

“Yes!” B’Elanna chimed in, trying to wrap her head around the whole idea. “We’ll definitely… think about it!”

Seven nodded, still smiling slightly, as she handed Miral back to B’Elanna. “Good evening to you both.”

B’Elanna and Tom watched her go, bemused. “That was…” Tom started.

“Oddly kind?” B’Elanna suggested.

Tom grinned. “I was going to say unexpected. You know, I never imagined how many people would show concern or offer their help.”

B’Elanna nodded. “It used to irk me, actually, but now…” Remembering Samantha Wildman’s words, she was starting to see things a little differently. “But now, I’m starting to appreciate it.”

Tom squeezed her shoulder. “Me too.”

“I’ve been thinking, I’d like to have a naming ceremony for her. We could invite friends and family… It’d be nice to have a formal gathering to introduce our daughter to the world, and show those who have been kind to us that we appreciate it.”

Tom looked at her curiously. “I didn’t know that was a Klingon tradition.”

“It’s not. But it could be _our_ tradition. What do you think?”

“I think it sounds great.”

oooOooo


	8. That Was One Crazy Day

When the Flyer door opened and Kathryn stepped into the shuttle bay back on Voyager, she couldn’t contain a ‘it’s good to be home’ sigh. The Doctor and Tuvok were waiting for them, as well as a couple of the Doctor’s new nurses. Clearly a certain _someone_ had alerted them that their services might be needed. However Tibeya’s fracture had been mended on the planet and was now healing, and Kathryn felt fine, if a little weak now that her exhaustion was catching up to her.

Kathryn greeted them all with a nod, while the rest of the away team poured out of the Flyer. Belinda and the students had an air of sleepwalkers as they filed out of the Flyer and went straight for the bay door, ready to call it a (very long) day.

“I need a shower,” Carbonneau sighed wistfully.

“I need some food,” Weinberg countered.

“No, trust me man, you need a shower too,” Carbonneau replied as he gave his friend a disgusted assessing look. They laughed as they went on and left the Cargo Bay. A few seconds later, only the Starfleet personnel remained, including the two security lieutenants.

Kathryn turned to the Doctor. “Thank you, Doctor, but as you see we’re all in one piece.” Which, all things considered, was nothing short of a miracle. “We won’t require your services at this time.”

Chakotay cleared his throat from where he stood half a step behind her, and at the pointed look that he sent her way, Kathryn bit her cheek and amended her statement. “But I will check myself into sickbay in a few minutes.”

The Doctor gave her a dubious look, as if not trusting her to live up to that promise, but he nodded anyway. “I’ll hold you to that, Captain. I’m told you went through quite the ordeal,” he said before he left.

Kathryn then turned to Tuvok, who, after some basic greetings, proceeded to update her and Chakotay on everything that had gone on in their absence while they made their way out of the shuttle bay. Now that the adrenaline rush had abated, Kathryn felt stiff and achy all over and she found herself walking more rigidly and slowly than usual, but luckily Tuvok and Chakotay were smart enough not to comment. Kathryn shook her head at Tuvok’s tale, in turn exasperated, incredulous, and impressed.

When they reached the turbolift, they all stopped, and Tuvok told her he would include more details about what had happened in his report, which he would have for her ready in the morning. Tuvok then gestured for the two lieutenants to follow him, no doubt to go over what had happened so that he could include it in his log. Pol and Nolan nodded to Kathryn and Chakotay before they followed Tuvok.

Suddenly Kathryn and Chakotay found themselves alone, standing awkwardly in the middle of the corridor, while crewmembers busied around them, sometimes welcoming them back with nods and quick words. Chakotay looked at her. “Promise me you _will_ go to sickbay,” he said. “You might feel fine now, but your body went through quite an ordeal. I did what I could, but-”

Kathryn couldn’t decide whether she found his fussing endearing or overbearing. “I give you my word,” she interrupted with more formality than was required, her hand over her heart. He nodded, still looking at her a little skeptically. “I just want to take a quick bath first,” she admitted quietly. “Get that salt out of my hair. And off my skin.”

Chakotay nodded, his eyes going to her hair, and Kathryn resisted the urge to touch it self-consciously. She must look a fright. But at last he seemed to accept her word. “Is there anything you’d like me to do?”

“If you don’t mind checking up on B’Elanna, and giving this to her, it’s my thoughts on the gravity plates,” she said as she handed him the PADD she’d been carrying since the Flyer. Despite her exhaustion, she had been unable to sleep on their way back, so she had written down the solution her mind had conjured when she thought she was about to die.

He took it. “Anything else?”

“Yes. Get some rest.”

One corner of his mouth quirked up. “Maybe I will, but I’m still too wound up to relax yet. Maybe I’ll go work off some steam in the holodeck.”

Kathryn nodded tiredly, patting his chest as she stepped past him. “You have fun, then. I’ll see you in the morning.” She suddenly stopped and turned around to face him again, looking suddenly rather unusually uncertain. “We should probably talk,” she said, “once things settle down a bit.”

He nodded, his eyes searching hers for a moment, studying. “I agree.”

“Good.” She nodded in turn, then resumed her way down the corridor. ”Good night, Chakotay.”

“Good night, Captain. I’ll check up on you in sickbay!” He added after a beat and Kathryn shook her head and, without looking back, raised her hand to wave him off. She heard his quiet chuckle before she turned the corner.

She made her bath extra hot, and for the first time since she had been submerged in the water earlier today, she started to feel warm inside again. It felt so wonderful to wash away the grime and the stiffness of the day and to bask in that warmth, Kathryn almost fell asleep in the tub. She let her thoughts swirl around randomly in her mind without trying to understand. She recalled the darkness that had enveloped her when she’d sank into the ocean; how desperately she had wanted Chakotay to hear her words – see her soul, her heart – back in the tunnel; her fear when she had realized that woman would blow herself up without second thought or remorse; the aura of power emitted by Tibeya when she had brought those people to their knees with her mind; how safe and warm Kathryn had felt in Chakotay’s arms after he’d gotten her out of the tunnel, vaguely remembering wishing that he would never let her go; his tender care and concern for her in the Flyer.

Eventually, Kathryn remembered her promise to him too, so she forced herself to collect herself and get out of the water. She put on a fresh uniform, quickly dried her hair but without wasting too much time on styling, and made her way to sickbay. By the time she reached it, she was just about ready to drop.

The Doctor was agreeably surprised to see her, and they went over what had happened while he examined her. Though she was pretty much recovered, he insisted that she spend the night in sickbay, where he could monitor her body temperature and her vital signs. Just as a precaution, he said. At that point, Kathryn was too exhausted to argue. He insisted on her eating a warm bowl of hearty soup, and then left her to sleep.

Kathryn barely remembered her head hitting the pillow.

oooOooo

Tom and B’Elanna lay sprawled on their bed in their quarters, fully dressed, staring at the ceiling blankly, their heads touching.

“That was one crazy day,” Tom declared slowly. “Even for us.” The comment sent them both into chuckling fits. “Are you sure Chakotay is going to be okay with Miral? He had one hell of a day himself, from what I hear,” Tom asked skeptically when their laughter subsided.

A few minutes before, Chakotay had stopped by their quarters to check up on them and give B’Elanna the solution that the captain had worked out for the gravity plates. B’Elanna had closed her eyes at how beautifully simple it was. She’d wondered how in the world she hadn’t thought of that before. So she’d contacted Engineering, forwarding them Janeway’s plans so that they could implement it immediately.

Miral had started fussing again by then, and no doubt seeing the discouraged look on Tom and B’Elanna’s faces, Chakotay had kindly offered to take her for a stroll. He was headed to the Holodeck anyway, he told them, he could choose a program that she would like. He’d looked exhausted but strangely hyper, with that adrenaline-rush gleam in his eyes, and B’Elanna had a feeling he was looking for a way to distract himself from… something. As if he resisted the loneliness of his quarters for as long as he could. B’Elanna had hesitated, exchanging a look with Tom. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Chakotay with Miral, but clearly he had no idea what he would be getting himself into. But then he had outstretched his hands with a beckoning smile, and the look on his face, the smile, when he settled their daughter into his arms, convinced B’Elanna that he really wanted to do this. That he wasn’t offering just to be polite. So she’d told him repeatedly that he could bring her back whenever she got too fussy or difficult to handle, and he’d countered it every time by a reassurance that they would be fine. So in the end, they’d agreed to let him take her for an hour or so – that is, if he didn’t come back running after two minutes.

B’Elanna scoffed in reply to Tom’s question. “No! In fact, I expect he’ll be knocking on the door any minute now. Maybe we should wager on how long he’ll last.”

“B’Elanna!” Tom reprimanded, still chuckling.

“What?”

Tom snorted. “Oh ye of little faith. I’m sure he’ll be fine. Who knows, maybe he’ll discover himself a talent for babysitting. And better yet, maybe his legendary poise will rub off on Miral.”

B’Elanna nodded. “Good point. Well, I guess we should make the most of the quiet while it lasts, huh?” she said after a moment.

They tilted their heads to look at each other, then shifted onto their sides for their lips to meet sweetly. “I’ve missed you.”

“Me too.”

Their eyes closed and foreheads touching, they were about to doze when B’Elanna spoke again. “Tom. I’ve been thinking.”

“Hmm.”

“I don’t think I’m ready to come back to work yet. I’ve tried, this last week, and look at me, I’m a wreck! Like, the solution that the captain came up with about the gravity plates… that’s one of the first things I should have tried, but it never even crossed my mind I was so distracted by everything else. So I think- I think I need to go back on leave.” She said it quickly, unsure of his reaction.

Tom nodded slowly. He leaned up on his elbow and rested head in his hand. “Okay.”

She blinked. “No argument? Just…okay?”

“Yeah, of course, B’Elanna!” he replied. “I’ve seen how stressed out you’ve been. I’ve tried to be there for you, and take on as much as I could off your plate but-”

“You have, Tom. You’ve been great. Wonderful. But I know you’re exhausted too. Maybe you should ask for a couple of more weeks too. That way we could spend the extra time all three of us together, as a family. And we could make this an actual vacation, not like the last few months, where I spent most of my time working one way or another.”

He smiled tiredly. “That sounds wonderful.”

She nodded, lying on her back and resting the back of her head in the palm of her hand. “Then it’s settled. I’ll talk to the captain tomorrow. How do you think she’ll take it? I mean, I know she would probably understand, but we just got back from leave and-” B’Elanna stopped talking when she realized Tom’s eyes had closed and he was snoring softly.

B’Elanna smiled tenderly before closing her own eyes. Just for a few minutes.

She opened her eyes at the sound of the doorbell. “We should have wagered,” B’Elanna mumbled as Tom groaned and got up, wiping sleep from his eyes with his hands. B’Elanna sat up but she did a double take to see that it had actually been almost two hours – and not just the few minutes it had felt like. She joined Tom at the door, curious to see how Chakotay was faring.

_Of course_ Miral was fast asleep in his arms, looking small and sweet against his broad chest. And Chakotay didn’t look worse for wear. B’Elanna exchanged a quick, rather surprised look with Tom.

“How did it go?” B’Elanna asked warily as she watched her old friend hand Miral’s diaper bag to Tom first and then transfer Miral into her arms carefully, as if he’d been carrying the most previous cargo.

Or – more likely – some highly volatile explosive.

“Great!” He replied. B’Elanna’s eyes widened to see that he actually meant it, he was still surprisingly chipper. “We went to the holodeck – I remembered a program that Neelix told me about once, where he would take Naomi when she was younger. You know the one with the path with all the animals? Miral loved it. She fell asleep halfway through the circuit.”

B’Elanna and Tom gaped at Chakotay for a moment longer. “Great. Thank you,” they both stammered in turn.

He nodded, smiling at the both of them. “Good night.”

“Good night,” B’Elanna replied after a beat, Chakotay already out the door, rubbing his hands together as if he was thinking about the next thing he would be doing. So – still avoiding something, she gathered.

“That is just not fair!” Tom complained after a beat. “Why is she so well behaved with everyone else? I guess this proves it, B’Elanna, our daughter hates us.” He was only half-serious, but B’Elanna sent him a glare while she transferred Miral into her crib.

“She doesn’t _hate_ us, Tom. Actually, you know what I think?” She said softly as she straightened to look at Miral. “I think she knows, somehow, that we’ll love her no matter what. No matter how difficult, no matter what she might need, no matter who she might turn out to be, we’ll be there for her. I think her being so difficult with us is actually a sign of trust.”

Tom smiled softly as he looked at their daughter for a bit, but then he turned to B’Elanna again, grinning. “Nah – she just hates us.”

B’Elanna laughed, and leaned in for a kiss.


	9. None of the Above

When Kathryn next woke up, the Doctor told her she had slept for over fourteen hours. She was desperate for him to discharge her, but he insisted that she spend a few more hours in sickbay, so he could make sure she got all the rest she needed. He knew her too well – he knew that if he let her go, she would just bury herself in her work. It was her way of coping. And she had a lot to cope with at the moment.

So, prisoner of her own CMO, Kathryn spent the morning sitting up in her biobed, going over the reports that had started flowing in from all departments. Apparently her recommendations for the gravity plates had done the trick, which was great news. B’Elanna’s report on how she had dealt with the rogue asteroid on Gianfar 6 was quite the page-turner, and Kathryn was once again struck with pride and gratitude for B’Elanna’s quick and creative thinking. It was about time she got rewarded for everything she’d done for this crew.

Just when she was getting ready to read Tuvok’s report, Chakotay stepped into sickbay, then after a couple of words with the Doctor, he made his way to her. He smiled when he saw she was awake, looking pleased by her restful appearance. He didn’t linger, and only stayed long enough to update her on the morning’s operations. He might be telling her that the Gianfar 6’s meteor shower was over, and that most of the colonists were back on the surface, and that Seven was helping them improve their shields, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that most of their conversation was happening in parallel of their words, nonverbally. It was in the way he looked at her, his gaze lingering; in the way he opened his mouth as if to say one thing – but something else got out instead. So by the time he left, Kathryn felt a renewed resolve to clear up the air between them. One way or another, she couldn’t stay silent any longer.

As Chakotay left, Belinda walked in. The two of them exchanged a few words, then Belinda resumed her way. “Captain. I’m relieved to see you’re looking much better,” she greeted with a smile. “I came to say goodbye, and thank you.”

“You’ve made up your mind about what you’re going to do next, then?” Kathryn asked as she sat straighter against her pillows.

She nodded. “Yes, I’ve requested to be dropped off back on Cavela as soon as we get there, later tonight. Your crew was nice enough to travel back to Maradibaya to transport our equipment off the site last night, for which I’m very grateful. We _had_ made a lot of progress before it all went to hell, so I’m glad that hasn’t been lost, at least. But that means that I don’t have to go back until I’m sure it’s the right thing to do. That it’s the safe thing to do. For everyone. I need to talk with my department, and the students and I need to have a real conversation about what happened and what will happen next.”

Kathryn nodded. “Well, I actually quite enjoyed myself before – like you said – it all went to hell. So do let us know if there’s anything else we can do. I know the Maradib don’t like Starfleet interference, but we could serve as an objective mediator in any future discussions.”

Her smile broadened. “That’s funny, Chakotay has already offered something similar. Great minds think alike, as they say. Thank you, I will definitely keep that in mind.” She studied Kathryn’s face for a moment, as if debating with herself whether or not she should say what was obviously on the tip of her tongue. “He’s a great man,” she blurted out after a moment, clearly having made her decision to risk it. Of course they both knew who she was talking about. “You’re lucky, Captain. I keep thinking that if he’d been this way back then-” she interrupted herself, shook her head. “But that doesn’t matter now. I’m actually quite happy where I am in my life. What I meant to say, is that I’m glad… I’m grateful… that he met you. He’s not the same angry person I knew, and I think, that has a lot do to with you. And this ship. And this crew.” She paused, suddenly looking uncharacteristically earnest. “So thank you.”

For a few beats, Kathryn didn’t know what to say. After a moment she swallowed. “I’m afraid you give me too much credit, he’s become the person he is all on his own. But, I hear what you’re saying. I _know,_ all too well, how lucky I am. I didn’t always know, and I admit I’ve taken him for granted in the past. But that’s not going to happen again.”

Belinda smiled, apparently satisfied, despite how cryptic that might have sounded. “Good.” Then her demeanor suddenly reverted back to her joyful sarcastic self. “Doesn’t it infuriate you, though, just a little bit, that he’s always so goddamned right about everything?”

Kathryn laughed heartily. “Oh you have no idea.”

Belinda nodded, her toothy grin still on her face, before she looked around for a bit. “Well, I should get going. I still have students to herd and transport to organize.”

Kathryn smiled at her quip as they shook hands. “It was a pleasure meeting you, Dr. Bianchi. I hope we’ll have the chance to see each other again.”

“I have a feeling we will.” She nodded, but just before she left she paused. “Oh, Tibeya’s waiting in the corridor, hoping to speak with you. I think you’ve made quite an impression on her. With your permission?”

“Oh of course! Please send her in.”

Tibeya walked in a moment later. “Your last visitor, Captain!” The Doctor warned before returning to his desk, at which Kathryn rolled her eyes.

“Tibeya,” she greeted with a warm smile to reassure her it was truly okay for her to come in. “Are you going back to Cavela Prime as well?”

“Yes. For a while, at least. Though after what happened, I am eager to agree to Councilor Lyat’ib’s proposition, and find someone to help me master my… abilities.”

Kathryn smiled. “I think that’s wise.”

“I never thanked you, Captain, for stopping me. I would have…” She frowned and swallowed. “I would have destroyed these people, if you had not been there to make me see the wrongness of it.”

Kathryn studied her for a moment. “I’m glad I could help, but I don’t think you should sell yourself short, Tibeya. I only succeeded because, deep down, I think you already knew the wrongness of it. I don’t think you would have gone through with it in the end, even if I hadn’t been there.”

Tibeya gave a small grateful, bemused smile. “You have such faith in me, Captain.”

Kathryn’s smile broadened. “So I do. Because I’ve seen the kind of person you are. And because I have a feeling that very few people in your life have had faith in you, it’s about damn time you knew what it feels like to be respected and cared for, for who you are.”

Tibeya’s face suddenly crumbled from the rush of emotion and she blinked a few times. But then she straightened her shoulders with long inhale, raised her chin high in pride, and gave a nod. “Thank you.” Then she bowed her head and gave her the high-respect Maradib goodbye salute.

Kathryn returned it, her own smile feeling watery at how much this young woman had gone through – not just over the last few days, but her entire life. “Take care, Tibeya. You know where to find me, should you _ever_ need anything.”

She bowed her head again in thanks. “And you, Captain.”

oooOooo

B’Elanna was watching her daughter play with a little chewing toy in her crib, her arms folded over the side bars, her chin resting on top of her hands. Miral was making little happy squeals as she shook the toy, then brought it back to her face, aiming for her mouth but hitting her forehead instead. B’Elanna chuckled. Although the last few days and weeks had been difficult, she realized now that it was moments like these that truly mattered. Seeing Miral content now gave B’Elanna hope that things would get better. She recalled the Doctor’s words a few days ago, about B’Elanna and Miral still getting to know each other. She was starting to see that he was right.

She was distracted when the door chimed. “Come in,” B’Elanna called. She straightened up when Captain Janeway stepped in. “Captain! It’s good to see you up and about.”

The captain smiled, gesturing for B’Elanna to stay where she was, while she approached the crib quietly. Her smile widened as she looked down at Miral, still playing on her own. She was now tugging on her socks, trying to pull them off.

“Would you like to hold her, Captain?” B’Elanna asked. “I think she’d like that.”

Captain Janeway’s expression brightened and at B’Elanna’s encouraging smile, she bent over to gently lift Miral and sat her in the crook of her arm, while she grabbed the drool-covered toy with her free hand so Miral could still play trying to grab it. B’Elanna smiled at the sight and she stood to invite the captain to sit in the living room area. “How are you, Captain? Chakotay said you had quite the adventure on Gianfar 4,” she said.

The captain made a face before she shrugged it off. “Oh, you know, another day at the office,” she added with a small laugh. B’Elanna acknowledged her point with a soft snort. “I’ve read the reports about what happened here during our absence – things weren’t all smooth sailing for you all either.”

B’Elanna let out an amused huff at that – it was quite the understatement.

“But both Seven and Tuvok said you conducted yourself with the utmost resourcefulness and professionalism despite the added pressure. With a proficiency and leadership well beyond your rank.”

B’Elanna had never been comfortable with compliments, so she deflected it. “ _Both_ Seven _and_ Tuvok, huh? I must have been quite something for these two to compliment me.” She paused when the rest of the captain’s words reached her brain. “Wait. What do you mean, beyond my rank?”

Captain Janeway smiled brightly again, bouncing Miral on her knee while her hand stroked the soft curly hair.

“That’s what I came here to talk to you about, B’Elanna. I’ve discussed this with my peers at Starfleet Command, and we all agree that it’s about time you had a promotion. To Lieutenant Commander.”

B’Elanna was so stunned she could only stare at the captain for a long moment. “Wow. That’s… Thank you.”

The captain frowned, softly, curiously. “Why am I sensing a ‘but’?”

B’Elanna sighed, trying to find the right words to convey what she was feeling. “Thank you,” she repeated, swallowing, “ _but_ … Well, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over these last few days.” She inhaled, gathering her courage. Admitting her vulnerabilities had never been her strong suit. “Honestly, captain, I’ve been struggling these last few days. Balancing my job, my duty, my marriage, and my being a mother. I truly believed I could do it all, but… The truth is, I think I came back to work too soon.” She let out an uncomfortable chuckle. “I was actually going to talk to you, to request an extended leave. I don’t want to resign or leave my position as your Chief Engineer, you understand,” she added quickly. “I just… need some more time. To take a breath. Settle. Get to know this little monster,” she added with an endeared look at her daughter’s head.

The captain gave her an amused look. “What, this little angel?” She asked as her hand patted Miral’s back gently. Miral squealed happily again. B’Elanna snorted and chuckled, before they both sobered. “Oh B’Elanna, have you been fretting over this?” The captain asked with sympathy. She shook her head. “Of course you can have all the time you need. You know that your position – and your promotion – will be waiting for you when you decide to come back. we’ll miss you, but we’ll make do.”

B’Elanna let out a relieved exhale. “I- Thank you, Captain.”

The captain nodded slowly, as her eyes traveled over B’Elanna’s face, smiling. “I’m proud of you, B’Elanna. You’ve come a long way since I first met you.”

B’Elanna tilted her head to deflect the compliment, though she couldn’t quite fight back the sudden blurriness in her eyes. “Well, if I may be so bold to say so, Captain, so have you.”

Captain Janeway nodded, then stood to her feet. “Well, I won’t take any more of your time. We can talk about the details some other time.”

B’Elanna nodded as she stood as well, and extended her arms for the captain to give her back Miral. The captain left with a parting nod and a smile, then the door closed behind her.

Miral squealed happily again. As if all she’d ever wanted what to see this smile on her mother’s face.

oooOooo

Kathryn took in a deep, bracing breath as she paused at the holodeck door, touching her mouth with the back of her fingers as she gathered her courage. A voice in her mind, which had much of Chakotay’s teasing tone, reminded her that she had never been known to be lacking that particular virtue. But this was different from the kind of courage she drew from when faced with a dangerous situation. It wasn’t her life at stake now, it was her heart. This thought didn’t help calm the frenzied butterflies in her stomach. With another deep breath she straightened her shoulders, and reached out to open the door.

She paused just past the entrance to take in the beautiful landscape Chakotay had programmed, moved by the sensibility and beauty of the mind who had rendered this place; red canyons topped with green wind-tossed grass and yellowish plateaus that gave rise to dark, snow-peaked mountains in the distance. The air was balmy against her skin, her hair moving gently with the warm breeze. Crickets chirped nearby and the air smelled an oddly comforting mix of sweet grass, sunbaked earth, and wood fire.

Chakotay was sitting with his back to her, perched on the edge of a rocky outcrop, one leg dangling over the edge and the other bent at the knee so he could lean his elbow on it, watching the sunset create vibrant red and orange hues over the already reddish soils. He had a cup of tea in his hand and sipped at it slowly. He didn’t hear her come in until she was a few feet away behind him, when her feet crunching against the gravely ground alerted him to her presence. She paused when he looked over his shoulder at the sound, and when he made a move to stand up at her approach, she gestured for him to stay where he was.

“Mind if I join you?” Kathryn asked, her voice sounding loud in the peacefulness of this program.

“Of course.” He smiled as shifted to make room for her to sit next to him, but Kathryn couldn’t help but notice the way he took in a deep breath at her approach, the action making his whole upper body rise up and fall, as if he were bracing himself. But bracing himself for what, she couldn’t tell.

When she reached his side, she stretched her neck to peek over the edge. To her surprise the drop wasn’t as half high as she had expected. She had imagined Chakotay to be sitting on the edge of an abrupt cliff, but it was in fact a large boulder jutting out from the side of a grass-covered hill. Chakotay gallantly offered up his hand to help her sit down.

“Where are we?” She asked as she placed her fingers lightly in his and sat down, doing her best not to dwell on how warm or strong his fingers felt, her eyes taking in the beautiful scenery instead.

“Home, actually. This used to be one of my favorite spots growing up.”

Kathryn’s eyes widened in surprise. “I can imagine, the view is breathtaking!” She exclaimed as she settled with a sigh, her legs dangling over the edge, resting her palms on either side of her thighs. Chakotay had spent such a large part of his youth trying to escape his home world that she had imagined it cold, dreary and war-torn. But this was anything but (or at least, his memory of it wasn’t). There was a freedom and a harshness about it that seemed to make sense when one knew Chakotay. As if this place had made him. In a way, she realized, it had.

He let out a quick, amused chuckle. “No, I didn’t care about the view back then. My friends and I would race our bicycles down this way,” he pointed over his shoulder to the slow uphill slope that rose behind them, “and use this boulder as a jump. See how far we could get to the edge of the cliff over there. We’d do the same thing with sleds and skis in the winter.”

Kathryn shook her head at how risky that sounded, amazed to find that there was still so much about him that surprised her. “Why Commander, it’s hard to imagine you ever being reckless.” He was usually so conscientious and attentive. Not that he wasn’t willing to take risks for the greater good, but she had never known him to do it just for the thrill of it.

He gave a small smile, looking down into his tea cup. “I was different back then.”

“Yes, so I’ve gathered,” she teased, “Belinda said you were quite the trouble-maker at the Academy.”

He snorted. “She’s one to talk. She was the worst of us by far. What about you, Kathryn? Did you ever pull this kind of stunt? I remember you mentioning something about a fondness for climbing trees.”

Kathryn laughed. “Yes, I guess I’ve climbed my fair share. But it was never about the stunt, or the thrill. It was about the challenge. Of going as high as I possibly could, of pushing myself to reach higher.”

Chakotay nodded, biting back a smile and taking a sip of tea. “So you haven’t changed much, then.”

“I suppose not,” she laughed.

They fell silent as Chakotay redirected his gaze forward. Despite the beauty of the sunset, Kathryn found she had little interest in watching it. She was way too busy studying Chakotay’s profile, wondering what was going on in his head. Wondering what gave him that… subdued, almost resigned expression, one that was strangely similar to the distracted mood he had been in when they’d boarded Voyager a few days ago.

Was he thinking about his mysterious trip home? He must have chosen this holodeck program for a reason, after all. Or maybe, he was anticipating their talk and mulling over her words from the tunnel, looking for a way to let her down easy. To let her know that even though he and Seven had ended things a few months ago, he had moved on from his feelings for her long before that. Because even though he had been there for her in every way he could on Maradibaya, she remembered all too well how suspiciously quiet he had been back in the tunnel – she had all but poured her heart out, and though he hadn’t flatly told her he wasn’t interested, he hadn’t reciprocated any of the sentiments she had expressed either. But now that the veil of her feelings for him had been lifted, she finally knew her own mind. And her own heart. And at last she was ready to face it all – her desires, her hopes, and her fears. So after a moment, Kathryn gathered her courage to say what she had come here to say. She redirected her gaze to the sunset. “I kind of wish I had Tibeya’s gift right now, so I could know what you’re thinking about.”

The corner of his lips quirked up, briefly, before he turned his head to look at her. “You don’t need her gift, Kathryn, you know you can just ask.”

She gave a small smile, holding his gaze. “Well then, platinum for your thoughts?”

He smiled briefly, a little wanly, before he redirected his gaze forward again. He set his cup down to the other side of him, wiped his hands together. He rubbed his upper lip, briefly. “I guess I’ve been thinking about everything that happened these last few days. But mostly about what you said to me. In the tunnel.” He breathed in deeply. “To be blunt, Kathryn, I’ve been trying to steel myself. Because, to my way of thinking, you came here to tell me one of two things: one – that you weren’t yourself and didn’t mean what you said, or second – that you _did_ mean it, but that it can’t change anything between us. So, I’ve been sitting here, wondering: which one is it going to be?”

Kathryn’s breath caught in her throat when his eyes met hers squarely at last as he uttered the question – she could see how much he was fighting hope, and it tugged at her heart painfully. He wasn’t trying to let her down easy, she realized with a swell of relief. No, he wanted the same things she wanted, but it pained her to realize that he expected _her_ to push him away, to draw a line – because that’s what she had always done in the past. She’d wondered sometimes, why she felt so threatened by him, while the same didn’t apply to the other men in her life. And the answer was simple: if she let herself love him, an officer under her command, it would come in the way of her commanding abilities and her duties and responsibilities as a captain. And if she couldn’t be _that_ , then the rest of her would unravel – or so she’d led herself to believe. But she wasn’t so sure that it held true anymore, and even if it did, she was now willing to take the chance. So now all she had to do was convince him of that.

“Are those the only two choices I have?” She drawled after a moment, lifting an arch eyebrow, though her heart was beating madly inside her chest. “Because if that’s the case, well, then the answer is _none of the above_.”

He exhaled through his nose, his gaze locking onto hers, but his expression remained utterly serious – distressed, even – imploring her to stop playing games. “I got to say, I’m trying really hard to keep my head above water right now. Because I thought I noticed a change in your attitude toward me – in the way you look at me – since we got back. And that hope, that I have… “ he croaked as his hand went to touch his chest, that spot over his heart. “It’s excruciating.” Kathryn felt herself flush – at the fact that he’d noticed her newfound attraction, at the raw pain evident in his entire being – but he moved his head to catch her eyes again, relentlessly forcing her to face it all. “But if you’re here to tell me that what I saw was just in my mind, or to draw a line between us again, or to take back what you said in that tunnel, I would understand. But just… Just tell me. Tell me what you want, Kathryn.”

Kathryn felt the sting of moisture behind her eyelids at the way his emotions made his voice crack. He sounded so tired of pretending, she felt it down to her core. It gave her the courage to tell him everything. She turned a little to better face him and covered his hand with her own with clear intent. His gaze lowered to their hands before snapping back up to her face, questions and hope and dread all flashing across his face in the split of a second. Kathryn inhaled when she met his eyes. “It wasn’t in your mind, Chakotay. I meant what I said in the tunnel. All of it. About missing you. Kissing you, loving you…”

His gaze sharpened and he inhaled sharply at that. His chest rising and falling with emotion, he looked down at their hands again and slowly flipped his palm up so that he could grasp her hand tightly. His lips twitched up at the corners before he met her gaze eagerly. “I remember you mentioning the missing and the kissing, but somehow I think I would recall if you’d said the loving part.”

Kathryn gave a relieved half-smile at the teasing in his voice and raised a playful eyebrow. “It was implied. I apologize for not being more specific at the time. I was hypothermic, you know. It’s a miracle I remember any of this at all.”

His smile tugged at his lips before he opened his mouth to speak. Kathryn raised her hand to stop him.

“Please let me finish,” she interrupted with a sense of urgency that she couldn’t quite rationalize. She needed to tell him this first. All of it. He closed his mouth and sighed but obeyed nonetheless. She pushed on eagerly. “I love what we’ve had here on Voyager, the trust and the friendship that we’ve built, but… I _know_ it could be so much more. That potential used to frighten me, and to be honest, it still does. But _that’s_ what I want, Chakotay. All those things our relationship _can_ be, _in addition_ to what we already have. I want to spend time with you like this, without fear or concern or pretense. I want to let you in the walls I’ve built around myself, without having the instinct to push you away. I even want our arguments, because in the end they always make me a better person.”

He huffed out a brief smile at that and her own lips curled briefly, but without losing her focus or her intensity.

“I want to be your partner, in every sense of the word, and I’d like you to be mine. So to answer your question, I do want things to change, Chakotay. Desperately.” She paused to swallow and study his face; the warm, tender look in his eyes as he gazed at her, the lines on his face as he smiled, the way his lips curled at the corners, the tattoo that signified so much of himself and his values of strength and honor. She swallowed again. “I know what I want,” she repeated, her voice suddenly sounding hoarse to her ears. “But I also know that I can’t have all of that and still be your captain. I can’t be your captain, and be your equal at the same time. And leaving Starfleet would be like cutting off my own hand, I don’t think I could-” She faltered, the words suddenly getting stuck in her throat.

He shifted a little to better face her while he gingerly reached up to graze her cheek with his fingers, his touch gentle, and his eyes filled with puzzled wonder – as if he couldn’t quite believe that such a touch was allowed. That she welcomed it – longed for it. Kathryn sighed at the caress, leaning into his hand instinctively. “Do I have permission to speak now?” He asked teasingly, though his eyes were intensely boring into her.

Kathryn huffed out a sound that was halfway between a chuckle and a sob. “Please.” She covered his hand with hers.

“This is what I was going to say before. If _this_ is really what you want,” he went on as his thumb caressed her cheek softly again, “I think I know where to start: I can easily resign from Starfleet.” Kathryn frowned, but he went on quickly before she could speak. “For me Starfleet isn’t a way of life, Kathryn, it’s… just the means to an end. A way for me to satisfy my curiosity about the universe, and hopefully make a difference in the grand scheme of things. But I could just as well do that as a civilian. _My_ hands would be just fine without Starfleet,” he added, his lips curling at the corners. As if to demonstrate, he dropped his fingers from her face to take both of her hands in his own. “These last few days, experiencing what archaeology has to offer, I’ve realized that it rekindled a passion that I had set aside. I’ve been thinking that… Well, I’d like to see where it leads me now.”

Kathryn studied him for a moment, remembering his content expression as he’d worked with the archaeologists. “I admit, after seeing how much you were enjoying yourself at Ardok, I wondered…” She raised a wry eyebrow. “What convinced you? The cave-in, the almost being blown-up or the long hours sitting in the sun?”

Chakotay laughed, and Kathryn felt the happy, carefree sound like a warmth diffusing inside her, from her heart all the way to her fingers and toes.

“All of the above, probably. I’m accustomed to a certain level of excitement, you understand. I wouldn’t want my life to get _too_ boring,” he replied playfully. But then his smile softened and he licked his lips. “This isn’t a spur of the moment kind of thing, I’ve actually been thinking about resigning for a while. I even considered not coming back from my leave.”

“Really?” Kathryn couldn’t hide her surprise at this. “I had no idea. What made you come back in the end?”

“You. The crew. The comfort I found in the notion that as your first officer I knew exactly what was expected of me. But, Bel said something to me the other day…” He frowned as if lost in the memory for a second. “And she was right. I think all this time that we’ve been back to the Alpha Quadrant, I’ve been searching for my path, despite the fact that I had convinced myself that I could be happy with things being the way they were. That I could still be content being the friend I’ve always been, and the first officer that you wanted me to be. But deep down, I was… restless. Waiting. Desperate for something to change.” Kathryn nodded in understanding. He smiled as he looked down at their joined hands briefly and caressed her palm with his thumb, turning her skin to gooseflesh. “She said she could help me figure out how to make it happen, if I decided to go down the archaeology road.”

“You already discussed this with her?”

“Just briefly. I wanted to test the water regardless of whether or not you’d meant what you said. If you decided you didn’t feel the same way about me, it would give me an opportunity for a fresh start away from Voyager. And if you’d meant it, then it would provide _us_ with a way of being together without coming in the way of your sense of duty or your responsibilities as a captain. Because I would never want to come in the way of that.”

Kathryn studied his face, understanding his logic, even touched by it. But a little pesky pang of jealousy still tightened her stomach. “She seems to know you in a way I never have,” Kathryn reflected, a little ruefully.

His smile softened and he shook his head, understanding what she was implying. “And _you_ know me in a way she never has, or never could. We’re too much alike, she and I. I think that’s part of the reason why it could have never worked between us. We would have gotten bored, or gotten on each other’s nerves.”

“You never considered it? Giving it another try with her, after you were reunited?” Kathryn asked softly, not entirely sure why she was asking, except to satisfy some kind of morbid curiosity.

He frowned curiously as he leaned back to better study her, as if her question amused him. “No. It’s been nice to see her again, but honestly, _you_ have been the only one on my mind, Kathryn.” He let out a wry chuckle. “Actually I’m surprised you missed it, apparently I’ve been so obvious that Bel figured out that my heart was yours about five minutes after she boarded Voyager.”

Kathryn smiled, touched by his words. She studied him for a moment. “What about Seven?” She asked even more quietly, in spite of her good judgement. They were having such a wonderful time, why did she insist they discuss his ex-girlfriends? But she needed to know. She needed to understand something that had flabbergasted her for months.

He let out a long deflating sigh at that one, his expression clouding over. He shook his head and looked down at their joined hands. “That was… a mistake. A short-sighted attempt on my part to try to move on.” He inhaled uncomfortably, straightening his shoulders a little. “But we quickly realized it could never work. Of course I care about her, and I think she cares about me, but…” He shook his head again. “It took me a while to realize I’d been lying to myself about what I truly felt. And once I realized that, it was easier to accept that _you’ve_ been the only one I want, Kathryn. The only one I ever really wanted. And I vowed to myself then I would do whatever it took to have you in my life, even if it was just as friends and shipmates.”

Kathryn felt moisture pool in her eyes at his heartfelt expression and the sadness and regret in his eyes. She disentangled their clasped hands so she could touch his face, her thumb caressing the tattoo at his temple.

“Well, you’ve definitely learned how to keep me on my toes, Chakotay,” she said, hoping to bring back some humor into the conversation.

He smiled, relieved to see that she wasn’t hurt or angry – but how could she be when she had been the one keeping him at arms-length all these years? – before he took her hand to bring her knuckles to his lips. The brief contact was thrilling and she smiled at the formality of the gesture. “The feeling is mutual. But I’d be quite happy spending the rest of my life trying to peel back all of the mysteries of Kathryn Janeway.”

She tried not to dwell on the ‘rest of my life’ part for now, or on her ideas of just how he might ‘peel back’ some of those mysteries, and rather responded to the joking tone and chuckled. It was almost overwhelming, how much she wanted that too. She met his gaze and squeezed his hand. “Ditto.”

She was getting lost in the warmth of his expression and the newfound, deep understanding they had come to when an eagle-like bird screeched overhead, distracting them. He tossed her a smile. “My father would say that’s a good omen.”

Kathryn leaned back to stare at him in mock surprise. “I didn’t know you were superstitious!”

“Well, _I_ ’m not.” He frowned in remembrance. “And actually, I don’t think my father was either. I think he just said those things to rile me up. He knew I hated those clichés. So now you know where I get my sense of humor.”

Kathryn grinned, happy that he was sharing this with her. She swept her gaze around again. The sun was almost over the horizon now, turning the sky to purples and light greens and blues, and stars were slowly filling the sky with tiny twinkles. She turned to face him again, now more serious, a touch of concern in her voice. “Chakotay, how did your trip home go, really?”

He sighed as he redirected his gaze ahead, his smile turning into a thoughtful frown. “I didn’t know what to expect. But I was really taken aback by my reception there.”

“That bad, huh?”

He chuckled, briefly. “No, actually, it was quite the opposite.” He heaved a sigh. “They welcomed me back like some kind of war hero. But I’m no hero. I’m not one now, and I certainly wasn’t a hero when I was a Maquis. And with that going on, and being back there, I found myself struggling with a lot of guilt.”

“What for?”

He gave the tiniest shrug. “For coming back when most of my friends didn’t, I suppose. For being taken for a hero when, really, I just got terribly, terribly lucky. Lucky to meet you. Lucky to get a chance to redeem myself.”

Kathryn nodded. Survivor’s guilt.

“I thought I had put it all behind me years ago, but… being back there made everything surface again. But like I said before, I think that was a good thing. I had to face those demons eventually, to really put them all behind me. And be able to look to the future.”

“I wish I could have been there for you.”

“Thank you. It means a lot to me to hear you say that. Remember when I told you I went alone because I felt that’s what I needed to do? Well, the truth is, all I could think about while I was there was how much I wished you were there with me. You know it’s strange,” he continued, “I’ve always thought of my purpose on Voyager in terms of me being there for you, supporting you when you needed it. But I never counted on the fact that I might actually need you too. But I do, Kathryn. Every day.”

Her smile turned watery again and she looked away to blink away the moisture in her eyes. When she looked at him again she found his gaze already on her. His eyes traveled over her face slowly, a mysterious little smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. Contemplating. Wondering.

“What?” She asked, a little self-conscious.

He gave a quick, dimpled smile before he licked his lips, his expression now completely mischievous. “It occurred to me. Your list of regrets. From the tunnel. There’s one we haven’t remedied yet.”

Kathryn frowned curiously, trying to remember what else she’d actually-

And suddenly his hand was pushing strands of hair behind her ear and he was leaning in, his eyes locking with hers intently. His fingers slid beneath her chin in a gentle caress.

Oh _. Oh._

He paused when his lips were a breath away from hers, close enough to make her skin buzz to life from the way his warm breath tickled her chin. He licked his lips. “With the captain’s permission,” he whispered. It somehow registered that he was _actually_ asking for her permission. Despite everything that had been said – he was still the dutiful first officer. Her eyes fluttered close in response to his closeness and his words, her heart pounding, her breaths shallow, as she leaned into him and raised her hand to trail her fingers down his neck. She felt him swallow under her touch. She tilted her head slightly, grazing his nose with hers.

It was all the encouragement he needed.

He only had to dip his head slightly to touch her lips with his. Sweetly. All too briefly. And with much more restraint than Kathryn was able to command at that moment. All she could think about was _at last._ And then, how much _more_ of it she wanted. More of _him._

He pulled back all too soon, his nose and forehead still close enough to touch, his chest heaving despite how chaste his kiss had been. Her eyes still closed, lips tingling from the all-too-brief sensation of his mouth against hers, she lowered her hand to rest it on his chest, over his heart, and felt its mad rhythm under her palm. She sighed. “In case you missed it, that was me saying ‘fire at will,’” she breathed.

And then he was kissing her again, more hungrily this time, parting her lips with his, his fingers tangling in her hair. One of them (or both of them) let out a soft moan when their tongues touched, the contact electrifying, sending her heart racing and a rush of desire to pool in the pit of her stomach. He tasted of tea and mint and rainwater. Her whole body came alive from all the sensations hitting her at once; the warmth – no, the heat that rose between them. The softness of his hair at his nape. His strong fingers moving down to the back of her neck to bring her closer. The sound that escaped his throat when he pulled back just far enough to breathe. The familiar scent of him that was associated with Voyager, adventure and possibilities. The sense of being home and safe and warm – the same way she had felt when he had pulled her against him in the tunnel to share his warmth. Kathryn could barely take it all in.

She was getting lost in the sensations, her thoughts quieting to the back of her mind as her senses came alive under his touch, so that she was only vaguely aware when he gently lowered them down, resting the back of her head against his arm. He shifted onto his side, not quite lying on top of her, bringing their bodies closer and granting him much better access to her lips. Kathryn hummed in pleasure when he edged closer to tangle his legs with hers, all the while exploring her mouth slowly, languidly, his hand still gently cupping her face, occasionally trailing down to her neck. He’d slowed down the pace of the kiss, taking his sweet time, and it idly occurred to Kathryn that he was seducing her. She felt a thrill of pleasure roll down her spine at the thought.

But as lovely as it was, Kathryn craved more than this slow exploration: more of his lips, more skin to touch, so she lifted her head to up the pace, snaking her arms around his shoulders to bring herself closer, but he pulled back teasingly instead. Kathryn opened her eyes at the break in the contact and found him smiling at her, his eyes sparkling with joy and a rather concerning amount of mischief. Kathryn’s fingers tangled into his hair, their breaths mingling while they panted, breathless.

He opened his mouth to speak, but just at that moment Kathryn’s combadge came to life, making both of them jump at the sudden sound. “Bridge to Captain Janeway.” Tuvok. “You wanted to be informed once our guests were transported down to Cavela Prime. We have just beamed them down. We are ready to resume our course.”

Kathryn fumbled for her combadge with shaking fingers and Chakotay chuckled quietly, looking rather pleased with himself. He made no attempt to untangle their bodies and Kathryn was at once pleased and utterly distracted. “Yes,” she replied to Tuvok. She had to clear her throat when her voice came out raspy. “Thank you, Commander. As you were.”

“Very well. Good night, Captain.”

Kathryn’s attention returned to Chakotay, who was still looking at her with a mix of amusement, tenderness, desire and puzzled wonder. “Is there such a thing as an overzealous officer?” He asked smilingly, then chuckled, his face still close to hers.

“It was my fault. I did ask him to keep me informed. I guess I lost track of time.”

“I’m flattered. To be able to distract the formidable Captain Janeway away from her duties… That’s quite the achievement.”

Kathryn chuckled, amazed at how easy laughter came to her in that moment of unadulterated happiness. “Formidable, huh?”

His grin sobered as his eyes turned serious, gleaming with intent. “Yes. In every sense of the word; perhaps even more so in the Spanish or French sense…” He touched her face gently with the tip of his fingers, almost reverently, as his eyes roamed over her features with that amazed disbelief expression back on his face. “Remarkable. Extraordinary.”

Smiling, she lifted her head to touch his lips with hers again. Their kiss was more chaste this time, as if Tuvok’s call had reminded them both where they actually were. After a moment he pulled back, nuzzling her face with his nose. “So, Captain,” he started teasingly as his hand moved to her waist, warm through the thick fabric of her uniform jacket, “how long have you entertained this whole kissing idea, exactly?”

Kathryn smiled as she reached out to touch his cheek, then his chin. “Too long, probably.” In a swift move, she slid from beneath him to sit up, throwing him a teasing glance as she escaped his grasp. “But, it was worth the wait,” she tossed at him over her shoulder.

He chuckled as he followed her and sat up next to her, closer than before, shoulders and thighs touching. He angled his head toward her, smiling. “Would it be completely inappropriate of me to say… considering that I’m still your first officer, that is… that you weren’t alone in having entertained the idea?”

Kathryn grinned. “You’re in luck. As the captain I get to decide what’s appropriate or inappropriate on my ship, and I’m happy to declare that you’re safe from reprimand, as far as I’m concerned,” she replied in the same feigned formal tone.

Chakotay chuckled. “That’s a relief. I’d hate to walk the plank after we’ve come so far.” They exchanged another brief chuckle before he looked around, as if realizing for the first time that the sun had set a while ago, and they were now almost completely in the dark. “Computer freeze program.”

Kathryn let out a quick exhale as the breeze died down and all movement and sounds stopped – she had almost forgotten they weren’t actually outside, under the stars. When Chakotay returned his eyes to hers, he looked uncertain. He wetted his lips, as if searching for the right words.

Kathryn thought she understood his sudden hesitation: he didn’t know where to go from there. To be honest, neither did she, but the whole conversation had made her bold. “You wouldn’t stay the night with me now if I asked you, would you?” It was as brazen an invitation as she could make it and she felt her cheeks flush.

But he considered her question seriously, thoughtfully. He searched her eyes for a moment, and she could almost see the warring emotions crossing his face, how tempted he was to say yes but reasoning that he should say no. She wondered which would win, though, knowing Chakotay, she had an inkling even before he opened his mouth to answer.

“As much as I would love to – as I _want_ to – I don’t think it would be a good idea. Not on Voyager. Not while I’m wearing this uniform. I don’t want to be part of something you’d be ashamed of or need to hide for fear that people would think less of you. Even if I think that such a fear would be unfounded.”

Kathryn sighed, but she couldn’t stop herself from smiling at him. He knew her too well. He knew that, no matter how much she wished it weren’t so, she cared what her peers and the crew thought of her. And though Starfleet didn’t explicitly prohibit such relationships, implicitly it was strongly discouraged. And deep down, Kathryn still worried about losing the respect of the crew if she faltered. It was silly, but she couldn’t help it. And somehow he understood that, perhaps better than she did.

Kathryn’s smile turned wry as she threw him a sidelong look, shaking her head. “If only you weren’t so damn principled…” she drawled, half-annoyed half-coy, before a chuckle passed her lips.

He smirked and extended his hand so they could help each other up. Kathryn straightened her hair and her uniform as they made their way to the door, his hand warm where it rested lightly between her shoulder blades. They reached the exit, but just as he reached to press the button, he suddenly paused, his hand hovering, as if something had just occurred to him. He threw her a mischievous sidelong look.

“Tell me, how exactly would you have finished that sentence,” he teased. “If only I weren’t so principled, you would…what?” He trailed off, challenging her with raised eyebrows and twinkling eyes.

Instead of answering directly, she smirked and lightly brushed against him as she reached out to press the button to open the door before he could do it. “I guess it’s for me to know and for you to find out. Good night, Commander.” Kathryn let out a long exhale as she stepped away, fighting the urge to look back at him.

“I walked right into that one,” she heard him mumble to himself, and she laughed.

oooOooo


	10. The Perks of Being In the Alpha Quadrant

Chakotay ran up the few steps up to Tom and B’Elanna’s home, holding a present for Miral in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. He wasn’t late by any standards, but Kathryn would be transporting down from Voyager for the occasion, along with some other crewmembers who had been invited to Miral’s naming celebration, and Chakotay couldn’t contain his anticipation at seeing her again. It had been over a week since Voyager had dropped him off back on Earth with Tom, B’Elanna and Miral, and though he and Kathryn had spoken almost every day since then, he found his heart thundering in anticipation as he rang the bell.

In the days following their talk, that night in the holodeck, Chakotay had spent his last week aboard Voyager starting the process of his resignation from Starfleet and preparing himself mentally to leave it behind. Chakotay was happy with his decision, but as he’d started packing, the magnitude of it suddenly became much more real. Suddenly every mundane thing he did was accompanied by the thought that this could be the last time he was doing it. He took every opportunity to spend time with his friends among the crew; play hoverball with Harry, have lunch with Tom and B’Elanna, and even get a fighting training session or two with Seven. They had barely spoken since they had ended things, so Chakotay took the opportunity to remedy that, and made sure that their friendship had not been harmed by their ill-fated romance. The real test of their friendship came when he told her about his real reason for leaving, but to his amazement Seven was not surprised, and she had welcomed the news with much more dignity than Chakotay probably would have, if their positions had been reversed.

The rest of the senior staff reacted to Chakotay’s apparently-sudden decision to leave with surprise and a fair amount of disbelief. Chakotay couldn’t blame them – to them this decision must have seemed completely out of the blue. But once Chakotay had explained about his restlessness (he’d left Kathryn out of the public version of the explanation for now) and his desire to pursue archaeology full time, they had accepted his leaving as a good thing – a new beginning for him – and in the end, seemed happy for him. If sorry to see him go. They had even thrown a little party in his honor in the mess hall, the night before he left. It had moved him deeply, and though he had no regrets about his decision, that night he had felt the goodbyes keenly. Kathryn had noticed, of course, and when the party had faded until it was just him, Harry, Seven and the Doctor, she had pulled him aside into the deserted kitchen area and pulled him against her for a long hug. She hadn’t said anything, which, in itself, was a testament to how much she had been feeling this too. And then, after a long look and a squeeze of hands, they’d returned to the others, and said goodnight as two Starfleet officers for the last time.

Now the door opened and Chakotay smiled at B’Elanna as she invited him in, accepting both his offerings. He followed her through the house while she explained that everyone was gathering in the backyard. When they stepped outside, most of the Voyager officers were already there – Harry, Seven, the Doctor, Tuvok, Ensign Wildman and her husband. Admiral Paris and a few other people Chakotay didn’t know were there as well, including a man he assumed to be B’Elanna’s father. Everyone seemed happy, chatting and laughing as they gathered in small groups, some sitting and some standing around a table covered with food.

But Kathryn was nowhere to be found.

Harry and Tom waved him over and Chakotay shook their hands happily in greeting, clapping Harry’s shoulder before stroking Miral’s hair and cheek gently from where she sat in her father’s arms, her wide eyes looking around curiously. They made small talk for a bit as they grabbed a drink, but all the while Chakotay found himself glancing around. Searching. Expecting. Where could she possibly be?

He and Kathryn had actually been quite successful at behaving professionally during his last few days aboard Voyager, despite the heightened levels of temptation now that they knew how they felt. But in truth, it had been strangely easy to revert back to their Starfleet personas and the physical and emotional distance that went with it. This time together-but-apart actually gave them both some time to adjust too, because even though it had been a long time coming (for him, at least), everything else – her disclosure about her feelings, their talk, the way passion flared between them, his decision to resign – had happened in a whirlwind. More than that, it had been brought on by the intense, high-stake circumstances of everything that had happened on Maradibaya. So this gave them some time to let their emotions settle.

Sometimes it almost felt like it couldn’t be real – like it was all too good to be true, and part of him half-expected the other shoe to drop, or to wake up from a long, delicious dream. But no. It was real. Wonderfully, inexplicably real. He knew it every time their eyes met on the bridge, or when their touch lingered when they stood or walked together, or in those rare occasions when they stole a kiss. He felt it in every fiber of his body, the way things were somehow the same and yet _so different_ between them. As if what they now knew about each other’s feelings, and their hopes for the future, only added to what they already had, to that connection, affection and companionship. It was like Kathryn had said in the holodeck, about wanting to build off of what they already had, about wanting everything their relationship _could_ be. Chakotay was now starting to understand what she’d meant, and he couldn’t wait to continue adding layers with her.

“The captain’s not here yet,” Tom said, as if he’d read Chakotay’s thoughts, startling him a little guiltily. Was he that obvious or was it just a lucky guess?

“Oh?”

“She’s been called at Starfleet Command for some kind of meeting,” Harry explained. “But she said she’d join us as soon as she could.”

“I see,” Chakotay replied, frowning curiously. “Do you know what’s going on?”

Harry shook his head. “She didn’t say.”

Chakotay nodded, but he couldn’t stop himself from speculating in his head. When they had last talked the day before, she hadn’t mentioned anything about a meeting at HQ.

Then Harry asked him how his new life was going and Chakotay shook himself and told him about his various ongoing projects. He had spent the first few days back on Earth waiting for his resignation to fully go through, so he’d taken the opportunity to settle into his new place – which he’d barely lived in during his leave – with B’Elanna’s and Tom’s help. It had actually been nice to spend time with the couple outside of Voyager and getting to know Miral a little bit more. It was funny how, seven years ago, the thought of him ever calling Tom Paris a friend would have sounded ludicrous and even disdainful. And yet, here they were.

And when Chakotay wasn’t busy getting furniture or unpacking, he spent time exchanging communications with Bel and Tibeya, who were both back on Cavela Prime. The three of them were working on establishing a research plan at Ardok that was more collaborative and that would introduce the Maradib to what the team was doing. They were also revising the current protocol to actually involve the Maradib more directly in the research, rather than having them just monitor and watch. The hope was that involving them directly would show them that they had nothing to fear. And that history didn’t have to come in the way of the Precepts. Tibeya was particularly useful in refining the language to appeal to the Maradib sensitivities and explaining various aspects of Maradib culture. If all went according to plan, they were planning to return to Maradibaya in a month to address them. Chakotay had offered to go with them – though he would do so as a civilian this time.

Bel had also kept her word and made some inquiries to her colleagues and acquaintances in the archaeology world on his behalf. Thanks to her networking efforts, Chakotay had already met a couple of academic and professional archaeologists in San Francisco and both had been thrilled to learn of his interest. And while he did miss Voyager, and he did worry about Kathryn and the crew, it was a relief to find that he didn’t feel like he’d been left behind. And at last a couple of days ago he had received official confirmation that his resignation had gone through.

Just as he was finishing telling Harry and Tom about it all, a voice he knew all too well suddenly drifted to his ears. “And where is that lovely daughter of yours?” Kathryn was asking B’Elanna as the two of them stepped out into the backyard. B’Elanna glanced around and then pointed in their direction. Kathryn’s eyes found Chakotay’s through the crowd and she paused, her expression brightening – it was subtle, the way her smile softened, her eyes sharpened on him, her eyebrows relaxed. Chakotay smiled, relief and happiness flowing into his chest at the sight of her. She had taken the time to change into a civilian dress for the occasion, and Chakotay let his gaze linger, struck by how unassuming and carefree and enticing it made her look. After a long second she tore her gaze away and touched B’Elanna’s arm in thanks before she made her way to them, greeting people as she went.

When she reached their little group at last, she greeted everyone, then reached out to squeeze Chakotay’s hand, tightly, her eyes boring into his, making it clear that this was not quite the greeting she had been longing for. There were way too many prying eyes for that.

“Can I get you something to drink, Captain?” Tom asked pleasantly.

“Thank you. I’ll have whatever he’s having,” she said with a quick nod at Chakotay’s glass.

Tom nodded. “Coming right up.” Then he gestured in a not-so-subtle way to Harry to come with him. Harry took a second to get the hint, but then he smiled. “Right. I’m due for a refill,” he said with a parting nod to Kathryn.

As soon as they had their back to them, Kathryn stepped closer to Chakotay. “Does Tom know?” She asked in a low voice and Chakotay leaned closer and raised his hand to rest it against her back. He squeezed her shoulder, loving the feel and warmth of her beneath the thin fabric of her dress. He followed her gaze to Tom’s retreating back. “I don’t know. Does it matter?”

She turned her face up to look at him at that, considering his words, his small smile and raised eyebrow. Her eyes traveled to his patterned shirt and vest, opened at the collar, and then back up to his face. Her expression softened. “It’s a little strange to think it doesn’t.”

He grinned. “You’ll get used to it.” His hand slid down to her upper arm and he gave another gentle squeeze. “Is everything okay?” He asked after a moment. “Tom said you were called at Starfleet Command.”

At that moment Tom and B’Elanna called everyone to gather around, interrupting them before Kathryn could reply. Kathryn’s expression fell a little but then she smiled again. “Everything’s fine. I’ll tell you about it later,” she promised as they moved closer to the gathering.

“Thank you all for coming,” B’Elanna started, Tom and Miral at her side. “Tom and I have invited you here today to officially welcome our daughter, Miral Paris, into our family.” Chakotay started clapping and soon everyone joined in. Miral seemed to like that and she let out a happy squeal, making everyone laugh.

“She likes being the center of attention,” Harry called teasingly, “she’s a Paris alright!”

Tom made a face and everyone laughed again.

When they had recovered, B’Elanna went on. “But more than that, we wanted to take a moment to celebrate our family, _this_ family,” she added with a gesture of her arm to the crowd. “You all know that the last few weeks have not been particularly easy for me,” she went on with a chuckle, and Tom made a face that sent everyone laughing. “But you – all of you,” she went on as she looked at everyone in turn, more seriously now, her voice turning emotional, “were there for me, for us, at every turn. Offering your help, your wisdom, your support. So this is our way of saying thank you.”

They all clapped again and Chakotay exchanged a smile with Kathryn, whose eyes were glistening with emotion. He squeezed her shoulder again, just because he could. Tom invited the Doctor, Miral’s godfather, to come and perform the naming ceremony. It was a simple ritual; the Doctor officially gave Miral her name and welcomed her, then invited everyone to come and lay their hands on Miral’s head, and welcome her. It was a nice gesture, and Chakotay briefly wondered if this was something that B’Elanna and Tom had come up with or if it was part of Klingon culture.

Once everyone had performed the gesture, Tom spoke again. “Thank you Doctor, and thanks to all of you! We’re going to gather around for dinner in a moment, but before we do, I have one more order of business.” B’Elanna threw him a puzzled stare. Tom grinned at her, proud for having kept a surprise from her. “Captain Janeway, I believe you wanted to say a few words?” Tom said, and B’Elanna smiled, narrowing her eyes at Tom, as she realized what was about to happen.

Kathryn handed Chakotay bag with a smile and she stepped up next to the Parises. “Thank you, Tom. Now, I realize we’re all here today to welcome Miral into our family,” Kathryn said with a smile at the baby, “and what a sweet addition to our family she is. I think I speak for everyone when I say letting this little one into our hearts has been a very easy thing to do.” There was a chorus of ‘you’re here’, but after a moment Kathryn shushed them with her hand. “But if you’ll allow me to intrude on Miral’s day with some Starfleet business, I think you’ll find we have even more cause for celebration today.” She turned to B’Elanna, lifting her hand to show her the small box she was holding. B’Elanna’s eyes widened as she stared from the box to Kathryn’s eyes.

Chakotay found himself grinning. Kathryn hadn’t said anything about promoting B’Elanna today, though he knew the process was in the works. He felt a swell of pride, for both of them. His thoughts drifted to a memory from long ago, when he had witnessed the beginning of friendship between these two as they had brainstormed about the best way to solve a scientific problem. They had recognized the scientific artist – the creative thinking, the passion – in each other then, just as he had hoped. He had been – and continued to be – so proud of them for pushing aside their prejudices and recognizing each other’s potential. And he knew their mutual respect had only grown ever since.

“Lieutenant B’Elanna Torres,” Kathryn began, now in full captain mode, and B’Elanna straightened her shoulders. “In recognition of your exemplary service and actions aboard the USS Voyager, it is with great pleasure and pride that I promote you to the rank of Lieutenant Commander. Without your resourcefulness, perseverance, and passion, many of us would probably not be standing here today.” She pinned the new pips on the collar of B’Elanna’s shirt, then stepped back to shake her hand, both of them smiling widely. “Congratulations.” The crowd erupted into applause and B’Elanna laughed as they hugged briefly. Then the crowd gathered around them to congratulate B’Elanna, Chakotay included. After a moment, Chakotay walked up to Kathryn, who was now chatting with Harry and the Doctor, and stopped behind her. “Very nice,” he told her as he leaned closer to speak more directly into her ear.

“Oh, it was a long time coming,” she replied, smiling, as she glanced up at him. “That’s one of the greatest perks of being back in the Alpha Quadrant,” she added with a look at Harry, whom she had promoted to Lieutenant shortly after their return to the Alpha Quadrant. “To be able to promote deserving officers,” she finished in a suddenly much softer, wistful, voice, her gaze turning distracted.

“I’m inclined to agree,” Harry replied with a proud grin and she recovered, her smile returning.

The rest of the dinner and evening passed in a blur of pleasant conversations and laughter. Chakotay and Kathryn mingled, sometimes together, sometimes apart. He could tell that she had something on her mind though, sometimes she would get that distracted look on her face, only to shake herself when she remembered that she had to respond to her interlocutor. Chakotay had been longing to be alone with her for hours now, but now the desire intensified, renewed by mild concern.

When the party started to dwindle, they said their goodbyes to the Parises and those who were remaining, and left together. Kathryn asked him to walk home with her – it would be a twenty-minute walk from there and it was a beautiful evening – so they set out at a leisurely pace. As soon as they were away from Tom and B’Elanna’s, Chakotay interlaced their fingers and she stepped closer into his side.

They kept the conversation light and teasing as they walked, taking the opportunity and the time to rediscover the pleasure they found in each other’s company after the time apart. They talked about the evening, Miral, Tom and B’Elanna, and they brought each other up to speed about what they had been doing since they had last talked. Though it burned on his tongue, Chakotay didn’t mention her visit to HQ, waiting for her to bring it up. He had to quell his curiosity, however, because she didn’t mention it. It wasn’t long before they reached Kathryn’s home and Chakotay’s steps suddenly faltered as she moved up the steps to open the door. Although she had asked him to stay before, that night on the holodeck, they were deep in uncharted waters now that he was a civilian, and he didn’t want to assume that she’d feel the same tonight. He didn’t dare assume anything where Kathryn Janeway was concerned.

“Aren’t you coming in?” Kathryn asked, genuinely puzzled, when she realized he had stopped at the base of the steps, as if surprised that he would be waiting for her to ask.

“Let me guess, it was implied?” He grinned as he ran up the steps to catch up to her.

She smirked at him over her shoulder. “You’re learning.”

Chakotay had been at her place once before, just after they had returned from the Delta Quadrant, but at the time she had just moved in and the house had felt empty and impersonal. But since then she had truly made it her own and he smiled as he went to look at the titles on her bookshelf, not surprised to find she had so many paper books – mostly classics and scientific treatises, but also a wide assortment of novels. He found her well-used copy of The Inferno and he pulled it out, leafing through the familiar pages distractedly.

“Make yourself at home,” Kathryn told him as she made her way into the kitchen. “I’ll make us some coffee. Unless you’d like something stronger? I’m sure I have some wine or cider in here somewhere-”

“Coffee’s fine,” he replied as he put the book back and joined her in the kitchen. He leaned back against the counter, his fingers curling around the edge, and crossed his legs at the ankles, watching her move around. Relishing the fact that he _could_. Enjoying that didn’t have to avert his eyes, or pretend that he wasn’t looking or that he didn’t like what he was seeing. Oblivious, she grabbed two mugs and put water in a kettle. Then she opened a jar, inhaled the aroma, and handed it to him, grinning. “Smell that, Chakotay. Real coffee beans. There’s another great perk of being back in the Alpha Quadrant – it’s right up there with the ability to promote my officers and the view of the Golden Gate Bridge.”

Chakotay chuckled as he took a sniff at the contents of the jar. She was right though, he had always loved the smell of freshly ground coffee beans too. He watched quietly as she resumed preparing the coffee, patiently waiting until she ran out of stalling material. When she turned to him at last while they waited for the coffee to brew, Chakotay met her eyes.

“So. Are you going to tell me what that meeting was about?”

She sighed before she shook her head dismissively and mirrored his position – leaning back against the opposite counter to face him, her hands bracing against the edge. “It’s not a big deal really. I… was offered a promotion!” She exclaimed, her tone carrying an incredulous note. “To vice admiral.”

Her earlier contemplative reaction to B’Elanna’s promotion now made a bit more sense, especially when he noticed that her current expression wasn’t as thrilled as he would have imagined, considering how much this must satisfy her ambitions. Always trying to reach higher, she had told him, that night on the holodeck. “How do you feel about it?”

She shook her head. “I wish I knew! I told the admirals I needed some time to consider. Of course I’m honored, and thrilled, but…” She lifted her arms in a shrug and let them drop at her sides again. “I’m telling you, Chakotay, I never thought I’d have second thoughts about accepting a promotion.”

“Tell me.”

She pushed herself off the counter to pour their coffees. She gave him a pointed, disapproving look over her shoulder when she added two spoonful of sugar to his, which made Chakotay grin. “What do you want to hear first, the pros or the cons?” She said with a bit of her more typical drawl as she handed him his mug.

“How about the pros first?”

“Positives first, I like that.” She nodded before she took a sip, and walked back to the lounging area. She sat on one of the sofas, crossing her legs and leaning her elbow against the back, holding her coffee mug on her thigh with her other hand. Chakotay followed and sat next to her, but at an angle to better face her. “Well. For one I’d be achieving something I’ve dreamed about ever since I was a little girl. You know I’ve never lacked ambition and this… this would be it, Chakotay! The admiralty?” She shook her head in stunned incredulity.

Chakotay nodded, smiling. “That is a great achievement, Kathryn. Something to be proud of.”

She smiled, tilting her head, as if deflecting the compliment. “But beyond the satisfaction I’d get out of achieving what I set out for, I think I’d really enjoy being involved in the decision-making process at Starfleet. Making sure that it continues to be a force for good and unity. Using what I’ve learned in the Delta Quadrant to start new exploration programs. I like to think I could do a lot of good.”

“I agree. Starfleet Command could definitely use more people like you,” Chakotay replied, reaching out with his hand. She took the offer, meeting his hand palm to palm first, then interlocking their fingers. The gesture sparked a flash of memory, of a time when she had done the same thing, another lifetime ago, it seemed.

“And last but not least… I’d be living here,” she said with a look around the room. “Duty might take me to space every once in a while, but I could live a more sedentary life.” She paused, her thumb caressing his hand. “With you.” She took in a slow, wistful breath. “And that sounds…Wonderful.” She gasped as if a sudden idea had just flashed through her mind. “We could get a dog!” She declared with an enthusiastic slap to his knee.

Chakotay chuckled at her sudden enthusiasm, before he took a sip of his coffee. “Has anything happened to Mollie?”

“She’s fine, she’s still with Mark. But I’m reluctant to take her away from him, at this point she’s spent most of her life with him. Maybe we’ll time share.” She suddenly stopped to stare at him with a mockingly appalled gasp. “Don’t tell me you’re a cat person!”

Chakotay grinned, raising an amused eyebrow. “Would that be a deal breaker, then?”

“It would be worth some reconsideration,” she quipped into her coffee mug, fighting a smile.

“Then rest assured, I like both cats and dogs.”

Her mask cracked at last and she laughed. “That’s a relief.”

All through this last part of the conversation, Chakotay found himself relieved to learn that she saw living on Earth as a positive thing. After all they were both independent people, used to their own ways and to always be on the move, so he wouldn’t have blamed her if a part of her had considered living a sedentary life as shackling her down, rather than seeing it as planting roots. It was clear now that it was the latter, and he was relieved. “Alright, so we’ve got fulfilling a lifelong dream, the ability to do good and the dog. Let’s hear the cons.”

She sobered and heaved a sigh, lifting an eyebrow. “Voyager.”

Chakotay nodded, of course he had anticipated that. And he knew it wasn’t just about Voyager – though the starship had become a home for her over the years, it was more than that. It was about the crew. About exploration. The physical, moral and intellectual challenges. The thrill. The sense of being part of something greater than oneself. Chakotay recalled how happy she had been to be back on Voyager, on their first day back from leave. And he knew deep down that she wasn’t ready to let it go. And that she knew it too.

“I don’t know if I’m ready to give it up yet,” she breathed at last, as if he’d spoken out loud.

Chakotay smiled softly. “It sounds like you have your answer, then.”

She nodded, smiling slightly. But then she looked down into her mug for a moment. “What about you, Chakotay?” She asked, her expression pained when she tilted up her head again.

“What about me?”

“I don’t want you to think I’m choosing Voyager over you.”

Chakotay hurried to shake his head, dismissing the thought. He put his cup down on the coffee table and shifted a little closer, moving their interlocked hands so he could clasp her hand entirely in his. “The thought never crossed my mind. Kathryn, I love that you’re a Starfleet captain. I love how you find inspiration in the values and code of honor that Starfleet promotes. I love that you’re a natural-born leader and that being a captain allows you to make that quality flourish. I love that you’re always trying to reach higher, even at the risk of falling,” he added with a quick smile, in reference to the conversation they’d had a couple of weeks ago. “I fell in love with you while you were a captain, so what kind of hypocrite would I be if I asked you to give it up? Honestly, I don’t think I could live with myself. Besides, I’ve always known what I would be getting myself into, and it hasn’t scared me off yet. I guess you’re stuck with me, whether you’re Captain, Admiral, or just, Kathryn Janeway.”

Her eyebrows curved upward, moved by his words, and when she spoke her voice was raw with emotion. “In that tunnel, I told you I wanted to stop pushing you away. And yet here I am, choosing a life away from you when I could choose to stay.”

So _there_ it was – what had been really troubling her.

“You think this is just another version of the same impulse, to protect yourself,” Chakotay reasoned slowly, though it was more a question than a statement.

She held his eyes, searching, as if eagerly trying to figure out what he was thinking. “I confess the thought has crossed my mind. And I think it’s part of the reason I’ve been struggling so much with this decision.”

“So what if it is? A way for you to protect yourself?” Chakotay replied gently.

She sighed, with a hint of frustration. “I don’t understand your point.”

Chakotay nodded, carefully searching for the right words. He inhaled, licking his lips, as he shifted to sit closer, close enough now that their knees touched. “This…is going to take some getting used to,” he explained as he gestured between the two of them. He frowned. “I think, maybe more so than we thought. The fact that we’ve known each other for a long time has some advantages – it makes some things easier, but maybe, it also makes other things harder. Like breaking some of the habits we’ve fallen into – you keeping me out, and me letting you. But, whether we were conscious of it or not, that’s what kept us emotionally safe all these years, it’s what allowed us to maintain a healthy relationship under the circumstances we were in. So chances are, we’ll probably slip back into those patterns every once in a while, and you know what? That’s _okay_. It’s okay to take some time to adjust. I don’t expect us to just say I love you, jump into bed and live happily ever after.” She raised an eyebrow at that but Chakotay didn’t take the bait, instead he pushed on. “Every relationship needs work, and that’s alright. And you must know by now, I’m all in. So maybe, turning down that promotion for now could actually be a good thing. Of course I’ll miss you while you go off to some distant part of the Quadrant, and I’ll worry about you, but…it’ll give us time to transition out of those patterns and create new ones.” He straightened. “What do you think?”

She lifted her eyes to him, a touch of slyness returning to her expression. “I still haven’t figured out what I ever did to deserve you, you know.” She uncrossed her legs to place her mug on the coffee table. “Well, I wholeheartedly agreed with Belinda when she said it was infuriating that you’re always right, but in this instance, I’m glad for it.”

Chakotay smiled in surprise – and maybe a little fear. “You and Bel talked about me?”

She grinned. “Oh you better believe it,” she replied archly, curling her fingers into the lapels of his vest to bring him closer. She leaned in to kiss him, softly, and Chakotay sighed against her mouth, one hand going to her neck and the other to her waist. She tasted like coffee and warm honey and something unique to her that Chakotay thought he would never get his fill of. She pulled back and smirked when she wiped lipstick smudges from his lips.

“How about this…” She started again, with more of her typical determination. “How about we revisit this promotion six months from now? That would give _me_ some time to get used to the idea of leaving Voyager, and it would give _us_ some time to… _transition_ , as you so eloquently put it.”

Chakotay grinned. There was something thrilling about her thinking about where they might be in six months, as if there were absolutely no doubt in her mind that they would be going strong. “Sounds like a plan.”

With a nod and a slap on her knee, she stood to her feet and gathered their mugs. “Refill?”

Chakotay blinked at her sudden movement. “Sure,” he replied, though his mug was still more than half-full. He followed her into the kitchen again, taking the same spot he had occupied earlier. She was back to her lighthearted self, as if their talk had helped her lift a heavy weight from her shoulders. Spirits help him, he loved her so much it hurt. He loved that smile, those expressive eyes, that indomitable will, that quick mind and the childish wonder and curiosity. The feeling struck him like a wave of happiness too overwhelming to contain.

So when she was done refilling the mugs and turned back to face him, Chakotay moved, slowly taking the mugs from her hands and placing them on the counter behind her. She laughed, wondering what he was doing, but then he took another step closer, encroaching into her personal space, reaching on either side of her and resting his hands flat on the counter behind her. The air shifted around them and her amused expression turned into something else, something deep and intense. He watched her face for a moment, taking in her quickened breath, the way her eyes had suddenly gone darker and wider at his approach. His gaze strayed to her mouth and came back up to her eyes again. “So. You may have noticed. I’m not wearing the uniform anymore.”

“Oh I noticed,” she breathed, her voice suddenly rich with desire. Her hands went to the lapels of his vest again, then touched the skin on his chest where his shirt collar was open.

He inhaled sharply at the touch, but merely nodded, his eyes never leaving hers. Then he leaned his face closer to her ear. “And we’re not on Voyager.” Chakotay dipped his head to graze her cheek with his lips, and then trailed down to her neck, taking the time to gauge her reaction. At her quick intake of breath and the way she stretched her neck, as if to give him better access, Chakotay pressed his lips to her skin more fully, then traced a path further down slowly, savoring the feel and scent of her, a part of him still amazed and incredulous that he could do this. That she wanted him to.

“I have no idea where I am right now and I don’t care,” she replied and Chakotay chuckled against her skin.

“And,” he went on as he pulled back slowly, meeting her increasingly hazy eyes before he moved on to the other side of her neck, “I’d say the odds that gravity is going to glitch are pretty low right now, considering that we’re on Earth.” His voice got lower as he nuzzled that spot below her ear.

She grinned lazily. “So _that’s_ where we are,” she replied, chuckling breathlessly, her mouth so close to his ear it made him shiver.

Chakotay laughed as he kissed her pulse, lifting one of his hands to trail his fingers lower to her collar bone and then lower to the neckline of her dress, itching to go lower still. She gasped and her skin turned to gooseflesh under his featherlight touch. “Am I forgetting anything?” He rasped, her closeness making it harder and harder for him to keep it together.

She pushed him back just far and long enough to unpin her combadge and toss it on the counter. Then her eyes returned to his unabashedly. “No interruption.”

His pulse accelerated at both the implication and the hungry look in her eyes, and he gave in at last, leaning in to kiss her lips hungrily, straightening up to bring his hands to her waist and gather her against him. Kathryn pressed herself even closer, stealing a moan from deep in his throat when their bodies came into full contact. Their lips locked, she pulled his vest off his shoulders, then her deft fingers started working on the buttons of his shirt even as she pushed him back to walk them out of the kitchen area.

“How’s that impulse to push me away?” He asked teasingly when they pulled apart for breath.

Kathryn smirked, still advancing slowly and making him walk backwards, as she continued working on the buttons, sparking fire in his blood every time her fingers and her knuckles grazed his skin. “I think I might need some more convincing.”

Chakotay chuckled, then grinned at the challenge before he leaned in again, more hungrily, parting her lips, while his hands fisted in the fabric of her dress at her waist. She let out a blissful sound when he touched her tongue with his, so he did it again, his fingers sliding under the straps of her dress to push them aside. He trailed kisses down her neck to her bare shoulder as she tugged his shirt out of his belt and slid it off his arms, his skin coming alive with her every touch. His fingers found the zipper of her dress at her back and he pulled it down, letting his fingertips trail down her back. He was surprised when the back of his legs suddenly hit a piece of furniture, and he fell back, sitting, on the edge of her bed. He pulled her closer until she sat sideways across his lap and kissed her again, the kisses growing more intent, more arousing. One of his hands ventured up her thigh, sliding under the skirt of her dress. He pulled back far enough to look into her eyes.

“How about now?” He asked, his lips never straying too far from hers, his hand grazing up her thigh again, loving the way she shivered.

Kathryn gasped. “Don’t you dare stop,” she drawled huskily. “Don’t let me go.”

“I’ll hold you for as long as you want me to,” he replied against her lips.

She pulled back to look into his eyes suddenly, her hands in his hair, her eyes wider, as if something had just occurred to her. “You told me that before. After you pulled me out of the cave.”

Chakotay huffed out a quick smile. “You remember.”

“I didn’t before… It’s still vague, but, I remember feeling safe and warm. I remember wishing you’d never let me go.”

Chakotay looked into her eyes, pushing a strand of hair back from her face, caressing her temple. “Then I won’t. For as long as you want me, I won’t.”

She kissed him again, and Chakotay was getting lost in her kiss, the touch her hands, the feel of her against him. “I think we’ve done enough talking for a while,” she mumbled against his lips.

“Agreed.” And as she applied gentle pressure against his chest, Chakotay complied and lay back, pulling her with him.


	11. Epilogue

_Eight months later_

Tibeya stood at the bottom of the steps of the High Council Meeting House, her hands clasped together solemnly, her eyes directed to the vast expanse of the plaza that overlooked the ocean. The wind rising from the water had turned fierce and damp with the season, but she relished it – the feel of it against her face. Lyat’ib and three Maradib diplomatic envoys stood quietly behind her, waiting, their tunics flapping in the wind. Though they had considered holding this meeting on Ardok Island, since this was where the relationship had begun, the High Council had in the end decided to welcome the diplomats in the more formal setting of Kirali, the Maradib capital on the continent.

Suddenly shimmering lights swirled ahead and Tibeya smiled as three figures materialized. Tibeya stepped forward eagerly to greet the visitors. She gave Admiral Janeway, Chakotay and Lieutenant Nolan the high-respect greeting, and they returned it in kind, but with the addition of wide smiles, as if they were truly happy to see her. “Welcome back to Maradibaya,” Tibeya greeted solemnly.

“Thank you,” Admiral Janeway replied as she touched Tibeya’s arm warmly and nodded her greeting to Lyat’ib and the diplomats.

It was good to see them. Tibeya had spent the last several months back on Maradibaya with her people, so that she could train with Master Kiam and she now realized how much she had grown accustomed to the company of humans, and especially these humans. Tibeya had gotten to know Chakotay better over the last several months, and he was here today as a civilian diplomat, to help with the negotiations. Admiral Janeway had been requested by both parties as a suitable objective arbiter, and Lieutenant Nolan was no doubt there to ensure their safety.

In her time home, she had made great progress toward controlling her mindwalking and mindreaping abilities. With the prospect of being the student of a most prestigious master, Tibeya’s position within Maradib society had also improved. She would never be completely rid of her status, but she had noticed how people looked at her differently now. With respect. And even envy, at times. Now she was trying to use her newfound influence with High Councilor Lyat’ib and Master Kiam to improve the fate of others like her, who had not been as lucky. Fortunately, her efforts were supported by the High Council. After the attempted coup a year prior, the latter had doubled their efforts to sway popular opinion through information and public forums about many of the reforms they wanted to implement, including those related to the isolationist position of the Maradib. The meeting today was the first step toward that end. Tibeya thought it was about time.

“It’s with great pleasure and honor that we host the first negotiations toward an official commercial alliance between the Maradib and the Federation colonists of Gianfar 6,” the admiral said formally. “If you are ready to board Voyager, we will transport to the ship now.”

Tibeya looked at Lyat’ib, who nodded solemnly, and Tibeya passed it along. The admiral nodded and pressed her communication device. “Voyager, eight to beam up.”

There was a tingling sensation, and moments later, they were all in the transporter room aboard Voyager. It was just as Tibeya remembered. Admiral Janeway stepped down and invited the delegation to follow Chakotay with a sweep of her arm. The two of them exchanged a look and a nod, then the delegation went on its way, with Tibeya and the admiral bringing up the rear. They exchanged news as they walked, and, after a few minutes, they all stepped into a room with a large table. There were already other humans there; they didn’t wear Starfleet uniforms, so they must be the representatives from the colony of Gianfar 6.

The Gianfarians had reached out to the Maradib a while ago – they were “practically neighbors,” their leader, Prime Minister Kumara, had said, and as such they were hoping to establish more regular contact, perhaps even a commercial alliance. Of course, the Maradib had been exceedingly reluctant at first, as their external policies had always been one of isolation, but with the changes that seemed to be shaking Maradib society under Lyat’ib’s influence, the proposal had not appeared as outlandish as it would have a decade before.

Prime Minister Kumara now stepped up and greeted them with the Maradib high-respect greeting.

“Well, shall we begin?” Admiral Janeway asked as she invited them all to sit.

oooOooo

The mess hall was packed.

Maradib and Gianfarian delegates mingled with the Voyager crew around buffet tables and cocktails, as a way to celebrate the first day of successful negotiations between the two. Mr. Chell busied himself in the kitchen, making sure that there was enough food and that their guests were enjoying themselves. B’Elanna liked Chell, but she had to admit, she missed Neelix. He had always loved those celebrations, putting everything he had to offer to make his guests comfortable.

B’Elanna was sitting at a corner table with Tom and Chakotay, showing off Miral’s recently-acquired ability to walk, calling her and cheering her back and forth between them. Miral loved the attention and she squealed and giggled and babbled as she wobbled along between them. It was adorable and everyone who looked their way couldn’t help but smile. B’Elanna had to admit, things had gotten better after the extended leave she and Tom had been granted a few months before. Of course, each day was a new day with its own set of challenges, and B’Elanna expected that her daughter wasn’t done rebelling, but B’Elanna had learned not to put too much pressure on herself, and to rely on Tom, and others. Knowing that she could count on them had lifted a heavy weight off her heart. And Miral was in a great phase right now, walking, starting to speak, and – thank every and all gods up there – sleeping.

“Come on, Miral, come this way,” Chakotay coaxed her with his arms outstretched, shaking a toy to get her attention. But instead of stopping in front of him to grab it she kept going past him, giggling, her fist in her mouth. B’Elanna smiled when she realized where her daughter was headed; Admiral Janeway was crouching just past Chakotay, beckoning Miral with a wide smile and wiggly fingers. Chakotay turned around to see where Miral was going, and he softened when he realized why he had been slighted.

“Already sucking up to Starfleet top brass, I see. Clever girl,” Chakotay teased, grinning. But B’Elanna noticed how his expression changed subtly – came alive – at the sight of the admiral.

Admiral Janeway laughed and when Miral reached her, she picked her up, kissed her cheek, then stood up again. She stepped up next to Chakotay and slid a hand on his back and shoulder. The gesture wouldn’t have been so outlandish for Janeway, were it not for the way her hand lingered lovingly. B’Elanna had known about the two of them for several months now, but it was still a little strange to see those open displays of affection between them. They hadn’t made a big public announcement or anything like that, but they must have told a few select people, because now their relationship was common knowledge. Chakotay himself had told her and Tom, not long after he had left Voyager. His resignation had suddenly made more sense then – although she knew he truly enjoyed his new choice of profession, it was easier to accept his apparently-sudden change of heart when they knew that there was more to it. A lot more. And seeing how happy and comfortable they both were together, B’Elanna was happy for them, and so was the crew.

But Chakotay’s departure from Voyager hadn’t been the only change in personnel over the last several months. Tuvok had had an opportunity to captain his own ship a few months ago, which he had taken, and then, over a month ago, then-Captain Janeway had announced to the crew that she was accepting a promotion to admiral, and that she was leaving Voyager. The command of Voyager had fallen to Janeway’s then-first officer, Commander Sara Peres. In retrospect, it had been clear that Janeway had been training her for the big chair all these months – as if she’d known what was coming – letting her have the bridge much more often than she would have normally done, even with Chakotay. B’Elanna liked the new captain; she wasn’t Janeway, but she was honorable, clever and she had a sense of humor. And most importantly, she was smart enough not to try to _be_ Janeway, or to replace her. She would have failed anyway, and the crew would have resented her for it. So instead she’d developed her own command style, and it worked.

“How are the negotiations going?” Tom asked as the admiral took the seat next to Chakotay and put Miral back to the floor, so she could walk around some more or play with her toys at B’Elanna’s feet. Chakotay put his arm around Janeway to rest it on the back of her chair and wordlessly handed her a plate of food he’d been saving. They didn’t say anything as the plate passed from his hand to hers, but their look held a silent conversation that made B’Elanna share a smile with Tom.

“We’re off to a good start, considering,” Janeway replied as she crossed her leg and started picking at her food with her fork. “Luckily, Chakotay, Tibeya and Dr. Bianchi have already done a lot of the work with the Maradib, so now it’s more about establishing common ground with the colonists.”

Chakotay nodded. “The Maradib have always been skittish, and they’re still cautious, but it’s all about small steps.”

“Has Dr. Bianchi been able to go back to the archaeological site?” B’Elanna asked curiously.

“Not yet,” Chakotay replied. “That’s an entirely different kettle of fish – the Precepts that guide Maradib spiritual life are much more deeply engrained than the politics of commerce. It’ll be a while before everyone agrees to let her go back, but I’m hopeful that we’ll get there.”

“Will you work at the site with her, then, once you get your archaeological license?” Tom asked.

Chakotay shook his head, considering, tugging on his earlobe. “I don’t know. It’s an amazing site, but I think I’d rather stick to Earth for now. I’m sure there is still much to learn in our own backyard.”

Then Seven, Harry and Captain Peres joined them, and the conversation shifted to Voyager’s most recent missions. By the time the party dwindled, Miral was fast asleep in B’Elanna’s arms, exhausted from so much stimulation. Tom and B’Elanna said good night, and B’Elanna left on a promise to kick Chakotay’s butt at squash in the morning. He accepted the challenge.

oooOooo

Kathryn sat on the sofa by the large window in the guest quarters she and Chakotay shared, her legs folded under her and her elbow resting on the back of the couch so she could lean her chin against her knuckles. She watched the unfamiliar stars and the way light from the sun illuminated part of Maradibaya’s atmosphere below, wondering which one of the islands she could see was home to the Ancient Tunnel City of Ardok. The view was beautiful, ethereal, and oddly comforting.

Kathryn wasn’t often prone to insomnia, but for some reason, sleep eluded her tonight. Chakotay was asleep in the next room, and a part of her still marveled at that, at how lucky she was to have that man in her life – and in her bed. But it was particularly striking tonight; to be back here, on Voyager, and have him to share her quarters, was a little strange – in a good, marvelous kind of way. It was all too easy to imagine that they were back in the Delta Quadrant, and that he was there in clear infringement of her rules and parameters. The thought was strangely thrilling. The number of times she had fantasized-

“Kathryn?”

She startled despite Chakotay’s quiet voice and she turned her head to smile at him as he padded to her in his t-shirt and black pajama pants, rubbing sleep from his eyes with his fingers, squinting a little against the light reflecting off the planet below.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Kathryn asked as he stepped behind her to see what she had been looking at. His hands came to rest on her shoulders in a caress, then he bent over to kiss the top of her head.

“No.” He slid to the couch behind her, following her gaze to the window. Kathryn shifted to lean back against him and his arms went around her. They were quiet for a long moment, just enjoying the view, and Kathryn found herself relaxing with every rise and fall of his chest beneath her, his slow breathing soothing. She almost thought he’d dozed off again when he spoke softly. “This is your first time back on Voyager since the promotion. How does it feel?” He asked her, his voice still thick with sleep. She loved that voice.

_Of course_ he’d figured out why she was out here.

“Bittersweet.”

She felt him nod, then sigh. “For me too.” She took his hand from where it rested against her stomach and interlaced their fingers. “Any regrets?” He prompted lightly, but she could tell he was holding his breath.

“No.” He let the breath out, as if in relief at her lack of hesitation, and she brought his hand to her lips to kiss it, to really bring the point home.

She meant it – a month in as an admiral, and she was finally settling into her new position and responsibilities. Though the change had been strange and unnerving at first, she now found herself enjoying the new kinds of challenges she faced. And needless to say, she loved falling asleep and waking up next to him every night. As much as she valued her independence, being away from him had been difficult when she had returned to Voyager without him. They had talked every day if Voyager was within range, but she had missed him. More than she had thought possible.

Eight months ago she had feared that some of her old habits – such as a tendency to keep him at arms-length – would resurface and come between them, but she needn’t have worried. Everything about him that had been a threat to her – or that she had _believed_ to be a threat to her – had stopped being relevant the moment he resigned from Starfleet. That didn’t mean that they hadn’t had other issues to work out, especially in the early months – as Chakotay had said, every relationship needed work and they were both willful, headstrong individuals. She had a tendency to be bossy and stubborn, and because he was an independent and private man, he had a tendency to be self-effacing, and to brood instead of telling her about whatever worried him or bothered him. But those were traits of character they already knew the other possessed, so even though it made some conversations challenging, it was a challenge that was relatively easy to overcome. Besides, Kathryn had always loved a challenge, and he was the kind of challenge she would never tire of.

All things considered, then, those issues were but minor things compared to everything else. The good times always eclipsed the momentary instances of discord or uncertainty, and they had never gone to bed angry or hurt. The six-or-so months apart – before she had accepted the promotion – had also helped them break out of well-established patterns, just as Chakotay had predicted. In fact, the pleasure and happiness they had found in each other’s company every time Voyager had been earthbound, one to three times a month, had made it all the more difficult to leave when it was time to go again. So when the six month-mark came up, it had been a much easier decision to accept the promotion. Leaving Voyager behind had still been difficult, of course, but she’d been ready, and happy about it. Excited for the future.

So now she interlaced their fingers again, looking at the way his larger hand measured against hers, focusing back on the conversation. No, she didn’t have any regrets. “That doesn’t mean I don’t miss it, sometimes, though,” she added.

His arm tightened around her. “I know.”

“But it’s nice to see how Sara has settled into the captain’s chair. The crew really seems to have accepted her. That makes it easier for me to let it go, I can trust her to take good care of the ship, and the crew. It’s easier to leave knowing that Voyager is in good hands.”

“You did a great job preparing her for the position.”

She shifted around to look at him. She studied him for a moment. “How about you, Chakotay? Do you ever miss it? You don’t often talk about it.”

His hand went to her hair, stroking, his lips curving into a soft smile and his eyebrows drawing together. “Of course. But coming back onboard this time, it made me realize that I’ve actually moved on. Of course I’m glad to be back and spend time with the crew, like in the old days, and I might feel a bit of nostalgia every once in a while, but… I no longer feel like this is where I belong. And I think that’s a good thing.”

“And where do you belong, if I may ask?” She asked, letting some of her typical humor come back to her voice.

“Wherever you are, I guess,” he replied easily, eyes twinkling.

Kathryn grinned as she slapped his knee and pushed herself off him and up to her feet, dragging him up with her. “Come on, you sweet little smooth-talking devil. Let’s go back to bed.” He laughed as she tugged him along behind her. “Let me ask you something, how do you feel about role play? Because I had this thought….”

Chakotay’s grin turned roguish, sleep fading from his eyes with every word. “I’m listening.”

“Here’s what I’m thinking: two Starfleet officers, a captain and a commander, are stuck in a distant part of the galaxy…”

“Hmm-mm, go on. I think I like where this is going.”

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Here you go! Thank you for reading to the end! I hope you enjoyed this story! Please feel free to drop me a line if you did! I also appreciate constructive criticism, as I always strive to improve my writing!_   
>  _I usually have an inspiration song when I write, which helps me set the mood of the story. And the inspiration song for this one is “I Want More” by Kaleo, check it out!_
> 
>   
> _Home grounds  
>  Feels like the weight has been lifted away  
> But if she leaves me there, I won't run  
> Please pass it on, carry me down  
> All you need to know is I want more, more  
> Looking for more  
> I want more, more  
> 'Cause I want more_
> 
> _So light  
>  Hold back the night, wait 'til it's right  
> But then you fold your hand into mine  
> Watch as the waves, fall back into place  
> So don't you leave me there wanting more  
> More, like before, more  
> I want more, more  
> 'Cause I want more, ooh_
> 
> _Turn back, leave all you had  
>  Forgive, I'll forget  
> 'Cause what we need is what we once had  
> Time won't stand still  
> Just say you will  
> 'Cause I need you there and now  
> If you leap, I'll come falling too  
> Running deep 'til that rivers through  
> I don't mind what you have to do  
> 'Cause I won't think less, less of you  
> Yes, I want more, more  
> Looking for more  
> I want more, more  
> 'Cause I want more  
> Old grounds  
> Feels like the weight has been lifted away  
> So don't you leave me there wanting more_


End file.
